


Always the Light Falls Softly Down

by Rocket_Surgeon



Category: Last Jedi, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Everyone Has Issues, Everyone's got a little force, F/M, Force Ghosts, I hate Poe, Kaydel Ko always does the wrong thing but I love her anyway, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo and Kaydel Ko have a history, Poe's a tool, Rey and Hux flirt, Rey has issues, Rey's indecisive, Seriously the burn is so slow that it doesn't even happen, Slow Burn, really slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-03-10 09:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 61,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13499476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocket_Surgeon/pseuds/Rocket_Surgeon
Summary: “We will finish this, just the two of us!” she had screamed at him, and the pureness of her anger was like nectar to him, even through the force bond.  He drank it in, and admired its simple beauty.Love and compassion and friendship and everything you want.That wasn’t what he wanted, but she could believe what she wanted to.  “There isn’t much love or compassion or friendship in your eyes right now,” he said, reveling in the hatred flowing through her.She had crumpled, immediately.  “No,” she agreed.He spoke softly, truly wondering.  “Is that what you were feeling?”  He would miss her when he finally killed her.“I don’t know,” she mumbled.  “It doesn’t matter now.”“I want to hear you say it.”“No,” she snapped back.  “Stop playing mind games.”He laughed.  “Isn’t that what this all is?”“Not with me,” she said.  “Not anymore.  The only thing you have of me anymore is your dream, and I hope it destroys you.”“Do you know how cruel you are?” he asked her, quietly, honestly wondering if she knew the effect she had on him.





	1. Chapter 1 - The snow is deep on the ground

He saw her for a moment: vague, fuzzy, like the weakest transmission from a distant star system or a hologram compressed into the smallest droid chip. She was looking at something, her mouth slightly ajar, her eyes busy but kind, and always with that steadfast look. She said something, was talking to someone, and then she turned, slightly, and was looking right at him.

He could tell that she saw him, too, by the way her breathing grew heavier. Her eyes never wavered in their determination. He was always amazed by those eyes: even when he knew how tormented she was, they never blinked, they always just relayed her determination to survive. It was an angry determination, and the regret of her decision seared through him. He hadn’t asked her the right way, he knew it. 

Her mouth shut, in grim determination, and she closed the door of that infernal ship. She was gone, and he was alone in the abandoned rebel base control room.

He was fine with that, truly. She flew off into the past, and he had a future to look forward to. Into the past in that old wreck that Han had loved, with the beloved dinosaur of a General on board, towards ancient fairy tales about good and evil. Nice stories for children, but not a way to run an galaxy. He had explained to her, clearly, calmly, rationally, why the old system didn’t work: and she had turned her back on him. Not just on him, but on her destiny, her clear destiny to be by his side and rule the empire with a combined power never before seen in the universe. She had consciously turned from the future to the past, and he couldn’t respect that.

He didn’t understand it, and never would. He’d felt calmed while looking into her angry steeliness, lost in his memory of what could have been. And then she was gone, suddenly, the future erased, and he felt his rage growing. He stood up and kicked some detritus, which flew into an old control system and caused a small explosion of sparks. He looked around this dank pit of failure, seething, and had a sudden and intense urge to just burn it all down.

Kylo Ren walked out into the main room, where the Storm Troopers were performing a thorough but totally unnecessary search. The Resistance was no longer here: they had fled during his showdown with his treacherous uncle. Surely they all knew that. But Hux would have told them to perform the search anyway, just to send some sort of message to Kylo. And there was Hux, standing in the main room of this wretched cave, giving him a grim look, his thin lips pressed together. If anything, his invisible lips managed to get even thinner, and he turned away. Kylo lifted his hand to throw the insufferable general across the room, but stopped. Hux could pout all he wanted, but it wasn’t the right time to do anything about him.

A small team of Stormtroopers came running back and spoke with Hux, who just nodded, and raised his hand towards the cave’s roof in a silent signal. A Stormtrooper leader blew his whistle, and the troops grouped while Hux strode over to Kylo, unabashed and unashamed. “Sir,” Hux said, with a head bob, “They seem to have escaped out the back.” 

“Let’s go,” Kylo said, turning and marching towards the cave entrance without even meeting Hux’s eye.

“Go where?” Hux asked.

Kylo stopped, and turned back. Hux glared at him with something approaching insubordination.

“Go where?” Hux hissed. “The rebels have destroyed our ship.”

“Our fleet has no other ships?”

“They will come.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Meanwhile, we’re on this planet unprotected, in a cave with a door that doesn’t close, our weaponry’s firepower is almost drained, and night is coming. Do you have a plan, Supreme Leader?” The sarcasm was hard to miss.

_Only to kill the past,_ Kylo thought, as he headed towards the barracks to find the commander’s more comfortable lodgings.

* * * 

Everyone on board the Millennium Falcon was hungry, and no fresh provisions had been on board in months. The small galley’s storage space held a variety of dehydrated nourishment products, designed more for calories and quick energy than taste, but it was enough. Poe tried to keep up everyone’s spirits with some cheerful banter, but it didn’t work. Rey and Leia barely noticed what he was saying, and almost everyone else found it in poor taste. Finally, Finn told him to stop. Poe sat in sour silence for the rest of the meal while subdued conversation continued around the makeshift tables.

But Poe wasn’t one to keep quiet for long. “So what’s our plan?” he finally asked. “Where are we going?”

“Jakku.”

The entire room turned and looked at Rey. For a moment, she wondered why. Then she realized that she was the one who had spoken the name of their destination. Nobody in the room was as surprised as she was.

“Excuse me?” Poe asked nobody in particular, although he was glaring at her. “She’s the one making decisions now?”

Rey pursed her lips. “We’re going to Jakku,” she said, as firmly as she could. She turned to Leia, feeling a little apologetic. “If that’s okay.”

“What about finding Luke Skywalker?” Poe asked, and there was a round of agreement from most of the room. “He wasn’t really there, right? He’s somewhere else.”

Leia’s fork dropped, and her shoulders slumped. Rey looked at her, concerned but unsure if going to her would make the situation harder. 

“No—“ Rey stuttered out, still looking at Leia, “We can’t—“

“Why not?” Poe asked. “He can give us some answers.” Leia stood up and walked out of the room.

“What is wrong with you?” Rey asked him, quietly, before following the General. She stopped at the door, though, and took a deep breath. They needed to know. Tears barely contained, she said, quietly, “Luke is dead.” She left the room in stunned silence, and followed Leia through the equipment storage area and towards the bunk rooms. The ship wasn’t designed for this many people, but it had sleeping quarters for a small crew, and she had recently been that small crew. She had slept in one of the bunk rooms before, and seen another, when Han had shown her and Finn where they could get some rest. They were Spartan quarters, with four bunks and some pull-out drawers, and nothing else. 

Rey found Leia was in a third one, which was different. It had a double bed, and a small table, and Leia sat in a chair gazing straight ahead, slightly rocking it forwards and back. It was a rocking chair.

“Hey,” Rey said, quietly.

Leia didn’t respond, and Rey didn’t take that as a bad sign, so she crept into the bedroom, and sat on the bed across from Leia.

“I’m sorry,” Rey said, quietly.

“Me too,” Leia said, looking down at her lap. She was holding something that Rey couldn’t quite see.

“I never liked this ship,” Leia said. “It was always piece of junk. It always seemed like it would fall from the sky. But he did, believe it or not.”

Rey nodded. Of course she believed it: she knew it with all her heart. And this must have been their bedroom. Rey wondered if she were somehow sitting on sacred space: the bed that Leia and Han must have shared.

“He loved it, once” Leia said, looking up at the walls. “And I loved how happy it made them both.”

Rey nodded, understanding. Han, Luke. Luke had loved the ship. Rey could sense it when he went on board. She had caught him, a few times, coming out of it, looking serene and driven.

But Leia continued. “When he was a baby, I would sit in this chair, and rock him to sleep. He had a little cot there, by the foot of the bed. I would sing him the folk songs that my nurse used to sing me to sleep.”

Rey stared at her, uncertain. Leia started to sing, her voice starting out shaking but growing stronger, and she rocked her chair and sang the ancient lullaby.

Rey listened to the song, which was about an adventurous girl named Nalida, who explored the galaxy but never forgot her true love. Leia smiled at her memory, and continued. “When he was older, he would run around the ship, like he owned it. He loved it, he really did. He was more at home here than on Coruscant, which was technically our home. But every school vacation, he’d be here. Han would let him be the copilot. He didn’t much like piloting, of course. Too impulsive. He would try to go into hyperdrive without making sure the course was clear. Han used to get so mad at him, and I would say he just doesn’t understand. He’s just a child. Han was many things, but he wasn’t very understanding of children.”

There was a pause, and Rey needed to say something. “I’m so sorry,” she said.

“I miss him,” Leia said, looking at Rey, her eyes brimming with tears. “I thought he would come back. I thought—“ she trailed off.

“He’s—“ Rey said, trying to think of what to say. What could be said about everything that had happened that day. Had it really all been one day? It had been the earliest morning hours when she had landed on Snook’s ship, trying to get there during the breakfast shift change, when only a skeleton crew would have been in the receiving bay. And since then she had watched the Supreme Leader die, killed the Praetorian Guard, had stared at Ben’s outstretched hand and tried to understand his meaning, had destroyed Luke’s lightsaber, and had rescued the Resistance. “He loved you. He still does. I asked him… I asked him why he hated Han, and he seemed surprised, and said that he didn’t.” She had to say something. It wasn’t the right thing to say.

“He said that to you?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve spoken to him?”

Rey felt the air sucked out of her. She hadn’t seen Leia since the day the great General had sent her on a mission to find Luke, to be trained as a Jedi. So much had happened. She tried to think of what to say, and opened her mouth a few times, but words didn’t come out. She wasn’t sure how to describe all that had happened.

“Haven’t you been with Luke?”

“Yes,” Rey started, and faltered. “Yes, I went and found Luke. He was… ambivalent… about training me. But he did, a little.” It somehow seemed too awful to admit to Leia that Luke thought she was a lost cause.

“And then?”

“Well, then I had to go see him. Kylo Ren. And Snoke wanted him to complete his training by killing me. He killed Snoke instead.” Rey heard these words, but there was an empty feeling as she said them. Like she was just reciting a story, and not something that had happened to her, something that she had been actively involved in.

Leia was looking at her, sharply. “How odd,” Leia said. Her voice was a little harder. “And then?”

“Then,” Rey said, not entirely sure what had happened and trying not to think about it, “We killed his guards. And then, then I left.”

Leia looked dubious. “You just… left?”

“The ship was breaking apart.”

“Where was Ben?”

“He was in the throne room,” Rey said, weakly. She pictured his unconscious body lying peacefully on the ground, and the decision she’d made not to have his blood on her hands. She had stood over him, about to kill him, but couldn’t. She saw Luke sanding over him, about to strike, and she knew that she couldn’t do the same thing. The ship was falling apart, so she left him to die. 

And yet he hadn’t. 

The two women sat in silence for a few minutes. Rey tried to close it all off, keep it compartmentalized in her head, so that Leia couldn’t reach it. Leia was strong in the force, too. Then, suddenly, Leia said “Snoke is dead?”

“Yes.”

“Huh.”

* * * 

The rescue ship didn’t pick them up until the next morning, and it had been a long night. Ren had found some sort of Officer’s quarters, with a metal bed that was unfit for sleeping, but he had made do. He meditated, searching for his grandfather’s comforting voice, but he was too shaken for it to be effective, and his grandfather had no advice to offer. He had, finally, gotten some sleep, only to dream of thrusting his lightsaber through her chest as her glowing eyes stared at him, large and wet and full of knowledge. They looked into his soul, knew all of his secrets, and they wouldn't let him look away.

He woke up in the dark room, panting, feeling sick to his stomach, with a vague feeling that he had actually done it. The rest of his night was spent trying to think of anything else: yet every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was her eyes. Finally, by some miracle, morning came and he was woken up by a knock from some messenger repeating Hux’s message about a rescue ship.

“Let’s make sure that the Supreme Commander has comfortable quarters,” Hux drawled, and Kylo didn’t even bother to sort out if it was sarcasm or his standard sycophantic ways. Kylo was escorted to a small suite, where he showered and put on clean clothes. It was just the standard issue military uniform for high ranking soldiers, but his bloody and burnt clothes were the last vestige of the yesterday, and Kylo was pleased to see them go into the trash chute. The morning in Snook’s throne room, with her. The afternoon showdown with Luke. The evening spent in the cave that his mother had so recently abandoned. The sleepless night. He was exhausted.

He considered a nap, now that he was in more familiar territory, but he dreaded closing his eyes. He tossed and turned, and walked around his quarters looking out of his vast window. Somewhere, she was out there. What an odd thought. An aggravating, odd thought.  
Supreme Commander. Another odd thought, although it also felt right. He would now do what his grandfather once set out to do: to rule the galaxy, and bring order. But what would his first steps be? 

He needed answers. So he got on one knee, and cleared his mind of all but one thing: Vader. “Help me, Grandfather,” he said.

It was hard to focus. There were too many other things jumbled around in his head. He took a deep breath, and tried again, his head bowed in submission.

“Grandfather, I need guidance.”

Still, nothing. Had that girl done something in his head, to break his connection with his grandfather and mentor? Had Luke?

“Grandfather,” he called, exasperated. Still, nothing.

It was his head. He was tired, he had used the force so strongly. He just needed to recuperate. As a test, Kylo lifted a small table off the ground, with the usual level of effort. That was a good sign. He cleared his head and tried to think of something else. Anything else. But, again, her eyes haunted him. He tried again: it took longer, but finally his mind was clear and he tried for Snoke’s face. But, again, only one face appeared. It made him rather nostalgic for the nightmares about Han. It must be her doing this. How? Had she done something while he was unconscious?  
This time he picked up the table and threw It across the room.

* * * 

Rey lay in her bed, staring at the base of the bunk above her. She didn’t have the luxury of tossing and turning, because she was sharing her bunk with another woman, who was sleeping soundly. There weren’t many resistance fighters left, but there were still too many for the handful of bunks on the ship. So each bunk held two sleepers, with additional members of the resistance spread across floors and tables and sofas in the rest of the ship.

She crept out of the room, not even sure where she was going. She headed towards the cockpit, where Poe and Chewy were flying. “Who made you pilot?” Rey demanded.

“Everyone else is asleep. It’s my turn.” He shrugged.

Rey narrowed her eyes at him. 

“Relax, kid. We’re going back to Jakku. Just like you ordered. Because apparently you call the shots around here now?”

“I’m not your kid.” She turned and headed back towards the main part of the ship. He really rubbed her the wrong way. He reminded her of the fly boys who used to land on Jakku looking for excitement and women and drugs. It was well known as a lawless place where trust fund kids could come and do whatever they pleased. There were men and women, boys and girls, imported from other planets, living in vast underground pleasure caverns, and as a child Rey had been warned to stay away from the town in the evening because she might be snatched and taken underground.  
Even avoiding that fate, she had experienced a few run-ins with lecherous travelers who seemed to think she was there for their pleasure. There had been one in particular, only a few months ago, who had grabbed her into an alleyway, and pushed her up against a wall, and kissed her. She had fought him off without any trouble, of course, and felt no remorse when he lay unconscious on the ground. But the local officials, who made their real money off payoffs from the underground economy, hadn’t been pleased, and she had been hauled in front of the magistrate and reprimanded. Her ration levels had gone down after that incident. She only went into town to deliver her scrap hauls now, and she was distrustful of anyone with that easy, entitled saunter. It made her see red just thinking about the entire ordeal: the humiliation of his slobbery kiss and his hands pressed against her chest, the humiliation of standing in front of the magistrate and having to apologize to him so that she’d get any rations over the coming month.

And when the red cleared, he was there. Kylo turned, and stared at her. Rey was so angry that she wanted to attack him, and he looked back with eyes that were no less bloodthirsty. She tried: she put her hands out to push him violently across the room, but it didn’t work. The connection wasn’t strong enough. “I hate you,” she seethed.

A thin smile came to his lips. “Good,” he said.

“Your mother,” Rey choked out. “Your mother—“ She didn’t know what to say. His mother loves him. His mother sang him a lullaby tonight.

“Is irrelevant,” he said.

“Stop doing this,” she screamed.

“This isn’t me,” he said, quietly. “This is you. And I think you need to ask why you need this so much.”

“I don’t need anything from you,” she seethed.

“So you say. And yet… here you are.”

And Leia was there now, coming around the curve of the hallway. “What’s going on?” she asked. “Rey? Did you yell?”

Rey looked at her and then turned back to Kylo. He was silent. Did he see his mother? Hear her? He made no indication. She thought of a thousand things to say, but they would pose too many questions from Leia. And she looked at Leia’s worried face, and watched as it turned from fear and into compassion and sadness and love. 

“Rey, what’s wrong?” Leia asked again, quietly.

“Nothing,” Rey said. “I think I had a nightmare.”

“In the hallway?” both Leia and Kylo said in unison. Leia sounded concerned, Kylo sarcastic.

“Yes,” Rey said, trying not to break down. “Monsters can exist in hallways, too.” She said it with a smile, as a knowing joke, but it mostly came out as a sad admittance of some sort of truth.

“Is that the General?” Kylo asked.

“Come to my room,” Leia said. “I have some calming tonic. You’ve had a long day.”

“Yes,” Rey said. 

Leia put her arm around Rey, and they headed back to her room. Kylo didn’t follow.

* * * 

He had her, and he let her slip through his fingers. If only he could find more weaknesses. Family should be enough, there was no reason for that not to work. She was desperately lonely, and he offered her everything she wanted. Companionship, power, friendship, family. If only he had figured out how to make her see sense. He was frustrated by his impotence, by her lack of understanding, and the frustration rose the more he thought about it. Anger should make his powers stronger.

“Grandfather,” he roared. “Where are you?”

And then he heard it. Laughter. Quiet, but there. Kylo fell silent, looking for the source, but his anger was overwhelming.

“Where are you?” he asked again, furious.

“It doesn’t matter,” the voice said. A familiar voice, but not Vader’s. Kylo pulled out his lightsaber and pressed it on. The red electrical buzz echoed throughout the room. “That doesn’t matter either,” the voice said.

“Where are you?” Kylo screamed, every vein on his face and neck pulsing with rage. This wasn’t real, this wasn’t happening.

“Why do you think you would have a force connection with Vader?”

“He’s my grandfather.”

“He died before you were born, kid. Your mother only met him once.”

“I am his heir!” Kylo screamed.

“No,” the disembodied voice said, quietly. “You’re not.”

“What do you know about it, you ineffectual, weak, has-been?” snarled Kylo.

Laughter. More laughter. “You have no connection with Vader,” the voice said. “That was another trick of Snoke’s. If you think carefully, you’ll find that your journey has been full of them.”

“Liar!” screamed Kylo.

But the laughter continued, until finally, abruptly, it ended. “Sweet dreams, kid.” And the voice was gone.


	2. Chapter 2 - Always the Light Falls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The man in black approached. “Girl,” he said, “What’s your name?”
> 
> She glared at him, and could feel the knots in the rope slip away, and her hands fall free. She kept them still, keeping up a pretense of them being tied together.
> 
> “What is your name?” he asked again, almost at a yell.
> 
> “I’m not telling you anything,” she spit.
> 
> He pulled out a lightsaber, and ignited it. It was poorly constructed, with sparks flying off the edges, and she had a new appreciation for Luke’s, even as it lay in pieces on the Falcon. He held the point right under her chin, and asked a third time, quietly, “What is your name, girl?”
> 
> “I’m nobody,” she said. “You can tell him that you found nobody.”
> 
> \----------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first piece of fan fiction, and I admit there's a lot about the Star Wars universe I don't know. Please excuse that I made up so many people and planets and things that aren't canon. I'm having fun writing it, and I hope that you're having fun reading it :)

** Chapter 2: Always the Light Falls **

When Rey woke up in the double bed in Leia’s room, she was alone and had a dull headache. As soon as she she sat up, the headache became splitting, and she winced from the suddenness of it. She wandered out into the hall, and ran right into Finn. “Hey!” he exclaimed, putting an arm around her. She sunk into it, happy to feel something that wasn’t the cold jolts of pain running through her head “Are you okay? General Organa said you weren’t feeling well.”

“I had nightmares,” Rey said, but it came out sort of like a gasp, and her hand shot up to her head.

“Are you okay?” he asked again, although this time it was more rhetorical. She clearly wasn’t, and worry lines seared his forehead.

“My head hurts,” she gasped out.

“Water? Maybe water will help?” He put his arm around her, and headed towards the galley. An older woman named Feena was already there, and she smiled compassionately at Rey. 

“I’ve been waiting for you, my deer,” she said. “The general said that she gave you some calming tonic. That will leave a nasty headache, but it’s mostly dehydration. Drink this.” She handed Rey a cup of bright red liquid, and Rey dutifully drank. It was actually pretty good.

“We love the General,” Feena said, gently. “But she isn’t a medic. The next time you need something to help you sleep, find me.”

Rey nodded a little, but it still hurt to move her head. She let Feena gently pull her over to a chair, and give her another cup of the red juice.

“Where are we?” Rey asked.

“Jakku,” Finn said, swinging his arms with something that seemed to be excitement. “Man,” he grinned, “this brings back memories, right?”

Rey looked at him, puzzled. She couldn’t always figure him out. He was very smart, but his upbringing had left some mystifying scars. Well, that was obviously true for everyone. But while her scars were sad and angry, somehow Finn’ childhood had left him with some sort of boundless optimism about the future. It just didn’t make sense to Rey. He was cheerful about even the most inappropriate things. Like the memories of their very short time together on Jakku, which had really been quite terrible. “Yes,” she agreed, shaking her head. “Lots of memories.”

“So why are we here?” Finn asked.

Rey didn’t really know. She’d been as surprised as anyone when she’s announced that Jakku was their destination. “Nobody will think to look for us here,” she shrugged. “It would be too obvious. Also, I want to see some things.”

“Okay,” Finn said, looking a little confused.

The scouting group came back around lunch, and reports were positive: business was running as usual on Jakku, and it was unlikely a few extra tourists would be noticed. They’d also brought back some fresh food from the market, to nearly everyone’s excitement. Of course, “fresh” food on Jakku had still spent days aboard a shipping container, so the term was relative, but it was certainly better than the protein sticks they’d been reduced to eating.  
Leia and the other commanders had gone for a quick tour of some of the ancient crashed starships, to see if their designs offered any intelligence. While everyone was busy eating, she pulled Rey aside. “Why are we here, really?”

“I don’t know,” Rey said, feeling helpless. “I don’t know why I said it.”

Leia looked concerned, but she nodded and said “Okay.”

“Do you know where we’ll go after this?”

“We’ve been offered shelter on Gledhill.”

“Is that a planet?” Rey had once considered herself somewhat wordly after a childhood on Jakku, where she’d held her own with settlers and tourists from all over the galaxy. But she'd quickly learned just how little of the universe she really knew, and so many of the places other people talked about were completely foreign to her.

“Yes, with an old base that’s still being maintained by some members of the Resistance. But we’ll stay here for as long as you need us to.” 

“I hope it won’t be very long,” Rey said, with a shudder.

“Do you really want to be here?”

“I don’t know,” Rey said.

“Tell us if we can help you find what you need,” Leia said softly, touching Rey’s arm. Rey agreed.

* * *

“Everything all right?” Hux asked. He didn’t care and he didn’t want to know and he hoped that the deep black circles under Kylo Ren’s eyes would continue to grow until they devoured him. But he knew enough about the Force to keep his thoughts about the Supreme Leader out of his head when they were in the room together, and to allow only positive thoughts to surface.

“Yes,” was the simple reply.

“Excellent. We’ve gotten some information that the Resistance might be heading to one of three planets. The first is Jeglin, in the Asper galaxy. Apparently, there is a force-sensitive village there, and some abandoned military encampments left from the Clone Wars that they might be able to access. The second is Astle, in the Hearn galaxy. There is an underwater complex there that might provide good cover for them, and it would, frankly, be hard for our weaponry to access it. And the last is Gledhill, in the Tucker galaxy. A large old Empire base, but we have someone on the inside who says there are rumors that the Resistance is headed their way.”

Kylo mused over these options. “Thank you, general. Let’s send ships to keep an eye on all three planets.”

“I already have, sir.”

“Excellent,” Ren said. “I’ve called back the Knights of Ren, to act as my guard. We can’t have a Supreme Leader without a guard.”

“Of course not,” Hux said, uneasily. He’d never been comfortable around the Knights of Ren, and the older he got the sillier he found their costumes. He also didn’t think that they were particularly strong Force users. But he kept that to himself. “We shall make sure to lay out the red carpet for your Knights. I gather they’ll be reporting to you, and not to me?”

“Correct,” Ren said. “You do a good job, General Hux. Keep up the good work.”

Hux looked a little taken aback. This wasn’t Kylo’s style at all, and he wondered if it was a trap. “Thank you, sir. I am here to serve.”

“You are dismissed,” Ben said. “Find me the Resistance. I don’t want any survivors.” He felt his hate grow even as he said it.

* * *

Kylo Ren set a strict schedule for himself, now that he was the Supreme Leader. He woke, bathed and dressed, ate while receiving briefings from the court secretary, and then he trained. He spent hours each day training his mind, body, and soul. He wanted—no, he needed to be the strongest leader the universe had ever seen. He could have done it if she’d joined him. He felt a sour taste in his mouth just thinking of her rejection.

He returned to the Supreme Leader’s Palace on Coruscant. He’d had enough of flying around the universe for a while. The Palace was mostly administrative offices, but he had a large apartment on the third floor, and a 129th floor training center that he visited every morning. And there he found himself trying again. “Grandfather? Grandfather, I need your guidance.”

He knew that his mind was clear, but there was no indication that his grandfather was anywhere around. At least there wasn’t that horrible laughter.  
He thought about calling Snoke, but that didn’t seem like a wise decision.

“Skywalker,” he commanded, suddenly. “Skywalker, I want to talk to you.”

“What is it, Ben?” Kylo Ren opened his eyes, and Luke Skywalker stood in front of him. Well, the pale blue force ghost of a Jedi stood. His hands were folded in front of him.

“What did you mean?” Kylo Ren demanded. “Where’s Darth Vader?”

Luke looked younger than when Kylo had last seen him, but still had those same cold blue eyes that could bore through anyone and anything. All of the children at the Academy had been terrified of those eyes. “Not here,” Luke said.

“Have I ever communicated with him?”

“No,” Luke said. There was pity on his face now, and that was even worse than the laughter. Kylo balled his fists up, fighting the rage that was welling up inside him. “Ben, you have so much to learn,” Luke said, sadly. “I wish—I wish you had been willing to learn.”

“Get out,” Kylo said.

Luke nodded, and was gone. Kylo screamed and hit his fist against the wall until it bled. He tried to use the pain to feed his strength, but all he could do was see her face again. Not the angry eyes of his dream, but the wet, hopeful ones of the throne room. It shook him to his very core, and at lunch he had a little bit too much wine.

* * *

As they flew across the galaxy, a clique of about ten young Resistance humanoids naturally developed, and they ate together and played card games with each other and stayed up late with eachother, talking and laughing. Finn was eager to include Rey into that group, but she was clearly so tired and worn out from whatever Jedi training with Luke Skywalker she’d come from that he didn’t push. But now they had the chance to tag along to the fascinating desert world of Jakku, with a real local no less, so she wasn’t going to evade them that easily.

Rey, Finn, Poe (who was the oldest, but clearly thought of himself as being in his early 20s), Vanna, Kaydel Ko, and He’lelia set out the next morning. Leia told the others to keep an eye on Rey, who was still weak from her experiences. “I’ll be fine,” Rey had said, smarting at the condescension.

“I know you will be,” Leia said, in that gentle voice she had. “But I need you to be careful.”

She wasn’t really fine. She still felt light-headed, and like she hadn’t slept much. But she couldn’t hold up the Resistance much longer, and she had something to do here on Jakku. She just had to figure out what it was.

They took three little jet transports to Rey’s old home, in the foot of a fallen metal beast. She had been living there for almost four years, as the marks on her wall showed. When her parents first left, she had slept in a tent behind the trading post, with other children who were the property of Unkar Plutt. They scavenged together during the day, and ate and played together in the evenings. It had been a horrible time for Rey: the other children had been cruel to her, taunting her for her belief that her parents would return. Perhaps, Rey wondered now, her determination had been cemented during those years, when she lay awake every night, tears in her eyes, repeating ‘They will come back for me. They WILL. And then everyone here will be sorry.’ over and over until she fell asleep. 

She lived among those children for about four years, and then a few events happened that made it clear that she needed move on. And so she’d gathered the few personal objects she’d managed to amass into her net bag, and settled in a burnt out AT-AT foot she’d always enjoyed climbing around in as a child.

“This place is a real dive,” Poe said, looking around the little room.

“Thanks,” Rey responded sarcastically, even though she knew it was true.

“What do you want to bring with you?” Finn asked, efficiently. He looked around the little room, doubtfully. 

Rey also surveyed the room carefully and didn’t even know how to answer that. Everything? Nothing? It was all worthless junk, by any normal standards, scavenged from starships or bartered for at the marketplace. Even though the Resistance had virtually nothing, everything in this room was trash even by their standards. But these belongings had been her companions for years, and everything in this little shelter had some sort of special meaning to her. Her standards weren’t normal. Her standards had been forged by having to fight for every single little scrap she ever had.

Ray gathered some things in a net bag she’d knotted to hold smaller pieces of metal and junk. “Where’d you get this?” Vanna asked, holding up a little piece of metal, and Rey blushed. “It’s nothing,” she said. It was, in fact, a cup for her doll.

“No really,” Kaydel Ko said. “This is a hyperdrive actuater cap. We could really use one of these. What else have you got?”

“Not much,” Rey said, hoping that they wouldn’t get their hopes up. “Just some old junk I hadn’t gotten around to turning in yet.” Rey wasn’t embarrassed by much, but her doll embarrassed her. She had sewn the doll, and its baby, on the long winter nights when it was too dark and too cold to go scavenging, and sleep eluded her. The sorts of small fabric scraps that the doll had been made from weren’t worth much, so it wasn’t much of a sacrifice to hold them back from the trading post. She’d been years too old for dolls when she started this project, but it consumed her evenings for about two years. After she’d sewn as much as she could think of, she’d started building furniture and accessories to outfit the perfect home she’d wanted her doll to have. 

“Ow,” Finn said. “What’s this? Some sort of electric rock?”

Rey picked up what he’d just dropped, and it was warm to the touch. “I don’t know what it is,” she said. “It’s just a pretty piece of rock I found.” She hadn’t so much found it as a little boy had given it to her back when she was still living with the other children. He had found it while scavenging, and shyly said she could have it when she’d said it was pretty. He had always been nice to her, that little boy, and Rey found herself feeling bad that she could no longer remember her name. She still often saw some of her old tent-mates out scavenging or working, but she hadn’t seen that little boy in a long time. Rey put the stone in her pocket.

“Should we just bring everything?” He’lelia asked. He was getting bored in this dank little metal room, and wanted to explore the town. He’d heard that it was a pretty interesting place.

“No,” Rey said. “I just wanted to come and say goodbye. Just give me a minute.” She walked around the room, and her eyes rested on the doll, lying on her face on the makeshift shelf where she lived. Anatta. And her baby, Jinnie. “Okay,” she said. “I’m all set. Let’s head into town.” Everyone crowded out, Rey last, and just as she reached the door, she stepped back and grabbed the dolls and stuffed them into the bottom of her bag. And as she paused to survey the room one last time, she felt him calling to her. Kylo Ren. It was easy to close him off.

* * *

As soon as they got to town, Rey knew immediately that it was a mistake. “They know me here,” she said.

“Can you manage some sort of disguise?” He’lelia asked, uncertainly.

“I don’t know,” Rey said, feeling equally uncertain, and a little weak at the knees to boot. It had only been a couple months since she had left this place, but it somehow seemed like centuries. Being back, seeing nothing changed, waves of memory washed over her. Most were miserable, but it was a comfortable, familiar misery.

“Here, we can figure something out,” Kaydel Ko said. She and Vanna and Finn took out scraps of fabric from her satchel, and made her a veil, tied around the top of her head. If they saw the doll, they didn’t say anything.

“This is hot,” Rey said.

“Yeah it is,” Poe said suggestively, and Kaydel Ko laughed.

“Shut up,” Rey said, trying to take the joke.

“Can you even see anything?” Poe asked.

“I can see the smirk on your face,” she challenged.

“It looks great,” Finn said. “Nobody will know it’s you.”

Rey stuck with Vanna and Kaydel Ko. Finn was too excited to be giving Poe a tour of everything that happened after some sort of crash they’d both been in, and He’leila went with them. Rey supposed that Finn’s boundless optimism was what made him be nice to everyone. Even Poe.

Not that she should talk, of course. She’d actually thought she could turn Kylo Ren back into Ben Solo. Talk about a ridiculous amount of boundless optimism. A bitter taste crept into her mouth, and she shook her head suddenly, to make it all go away. And then she looked up and actually looked around at her environment.

Rey found herself a stranger in her own home. It was odd to wander around the marketplace without wondering how she would survive the week. It was crowded, the most crowded time of the day, as people stopped on their way home to their evening meal. Rey had always been jealous of these people, who had homes and families and could buy rations and special food with their own wages. She stopped to look at a stall full of fruit, just for a moment, and when she looked up, Vanna and Kaydel Ko weren’t there.

It took a moment for panic to set in, and at first she just calmly surveyed around her. They couldn’t have gone very far. But there was no sign of them, and she felt a lump well up in her throat. 

“If you’re not buying anything, move along,” the vendor snarled. And, without thinking much about it, Rey did.

Something was watching her, something was following her. Ben. She ignored it, and walked slowly. He wouldn’t try to contact her when it was so crowded, would he? But she wasn’t sure if he could see her surroundings. And then Joffer was standing in front of her, and she had to jump back to prevent herself from walking right into him. She sighed, annoyed.

Joffer was a big, ugly beast who had been following her around for years. He had never hurt her, never touched her, but she loathed the way that he sneered at her, and she resented, and was always wary, of his presence. “You’re back,” he said in his deep, gruff, growl.

Rey was still wearing the veil, so she decided to just pretend that she didn’t understand him, that she was someone else. She tilted her head, as if confused, and sidestepped, but he stepped too.

He growled. “Does Unkar know you’re back?”

Rey turned and started to walk back towards the fruit stall, but he grabbed her arm.

“Don’t make me take off your veil, girl. There are at least two bounties on your head, and one is dead or alive. I just need to know if I’m still on duty.”

That startled her, and, despite herself, she spoke. “On duty for what?”

“For watching you, girl.”

“You’re off duty,” Rey said, coldly. “May I go now?”

He smiled, his long blue snout quivering. “That makes this easier,” he said. He grabbed her wrist, and twisted it and pulled her through the crowd.

“Ow!” she screamed. “Let go of me. Don’t make me hurt you.”

“Don’t cause a scene,” he snarled. “Two bounties. At least. In my experience, when you’re worth money to two people, there are plenty more also lining up.”

“Finn!” she screamed, and he clapped a warty blue paw over her mouth.

* * *

When Rey woke up, she was in a windowless room, lit by a smoky oil lamp. It was, perhaps, some sort of kitchen? There was a large fireplace, though it was cold. And a table with objects laid out that could have been food: it was too dark to really tell. A string of onions hang from the ceiling, and herbs were tied to the metal rafters. Definitely some sort of unused kitchen.

Rey surveyed her own situation. Her legs were tied down to the legs of the chair, and her arms were tied behind her back, and she couldn’t do much to move. She was underground. Everyone knew that when girls and boys went underground, they never emerged into the daylight again.

She could handle this. She would get out of this. If she had emerged from Snoke’s chamber alive, she could certainly handle a chair and some rough rope.

She wished that she could see the knot tying her wrists, but she concentrated on moving her wrists, on feeling them loosened, and then she could feel them loosening. She was so close to being able to slip her hand out when Joffer came in, with a man dressed from head to toe in black. He wore a black mask, and a black cape, and at first Rey had a visceral fear that it was Ben. But that lasted only a moment: he had an entirely different presence. “Here she is,” Joffer said.

The man in black stared at her, trying to get into her mind. Resisting him was a piece of cake. “This is her?” It wasn’t Ben, but it was someone who understood and could use the Force, no matter how weekly. She could feel the darkness emanating from him.

“Yes,” Joffer grunted. “Now where’s my money?”

“You’ll get your money,” the man sneered.

“She’s not leaving here until I see my money.”

“What proof do you have that this is the girl?”

“It’s the girl,” Joffer said, angrily. Rey watched him with interest. He wasn’t used to people arguing with him. He was used to getting his way. “Go on, ask her.”

The man in black approached. “Girl,” he said, “What’s your name?”

She glared at him, and could feel the knots in the rope slip away, and her hands fall free. She kept them still, keeping up a pretense of them being tied together.

“What is your name?” he asked again, almost at a yell.

“I’m not telling you anything,” she spit.

He pulled out a lightsaber, and ignited it. It was poorly constructed, with sparks flying off the edges, and she had a new appreciation for Luke’s, even as it lay in pieces on the Falcon. He held the point right under her chin, and asked a third time, quietly, “What is your name, girl?”

“I’m nobody,” she said. “You can tell him that you found nobody.”


	3. Chapter 3 - Softly down on the hair of my beloved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren’s face remained impassive. “Have they killed her yet?”
> 
> “I don’t believe so. Is that the order?” Hux’s lip curled.
> 
> Kylo had to think about that, which just quickened Hux’s grim understanding of the situation. “She may be helpful in leading you to the rebellion,” he said.
> 
> Hux kept his voice even. “Shall we question her?”
> 
> “Yes,” he said. “Question her. Find out what she knows about the Resistance. She knows more than she lets on. Then you may kill her. Make it hurt.”
> 
> \------------------

**Chapter 3 – Softly down on the hair of my beloved**

“They’ve found her,” Hux said. “The scavenger girl,” he spit out, hating the sound of it on his tongue. He had no idea what was going on, but Kylo Rens’ recent instability clearly had something to do with her.

He didn’t believe Kylo’s story about what had happened in the throne room. Somehow, this scavenger girl had killed Snoke, and all of his guards, but left Kylo alive? It was nonsensical. Even if she had managed to kill Snoke and 8 armed men in one swoop, which seemed highly improbable, why on earth would she keep _Kylo_ of all the people in that room alive? It was inconceivable that this was the entire story. Somehow, and he wasn’t sure how, Kylo Ren and this girl were working together. She had left, and he had become the Supreme Commander. At the very least, why didn’t she stick around and fight him for that title? Why would she kill Snoke and leave Kylo Ren, if she weren’t getting something out of it?

But Ren’s face remained impassive. “Have they killed her yet?”

“I don’t believe so. Is that the order?” Hux’s lip curled.

Kylo had to think about that, which just quickened Hux’s grim understanding of the situation. “She may be helpful in leading you to the rebellion,” he said.

Hux kept his voice even. “Shall we question her?”

“Yes,” he said. “Question her. Find out what she knows about the Resistance. She knows more than she lets on. Then you may kill her. Make it hurt.”

Hux smiled. That was all he wanted to hear. That this girl wouldn’t be of any concern to anyone anymore, particularly not to the First Order.

“Where are they?” Kylo asked.

“On Jakku.”  
“ _Jakku_ ,” Kylo spit out so angrily that Hux raised his eyebrow. You could never quite tell what would set Kylo Ren off, and Hux added Jakku to the mental list he was trying to keep. Odd thing to get upset about, but perhaps not the oddest: that was, after all, where the final battle of the Galactic Civil War. Kylo took history very personally.

* * *

“What does that mean, insolent girl?” the man in black asked, and she screamed as he felt the searing pain of the lightsaber touch her chin.

No more games.

She Forced the lightsaber out of his hand as he yelled “hey!” He watched it fly around the room, and Joffer ducked.

She held up her hand and grabbed the lightsaber, quickly cutting the ropes tying her feet. But she wasn’t quick enough. The man in black grabbed her arm with such power that she cried out and her grip on the lightsaber loosened, and he could grab it back. She didn’t have a weapon now: all she could do was throw him back across the room with all of her might. She’d never tried that before, so it was a little weak. But it was just enough. She dashed out into the hall. Windows at either end. So she wasn’t underground. 

She went right, and ran down the hall towards stairs. The man in black was behind her, gaining on her, and she had to get somewhere, so she took the first set of stairs, up. She could hear him behind her as she jumped up the final few steps on to the rooftop. It was a small building, just a rowhouse near the central market. She peered over the edge, seeing that she was about three stories up. 

And now the man in black was there, wielding his lightsaber. 

Rey grabbed an old pipe to use as a staff, and managed to deflect his first blow. She was on the defensive, in the weaker position. He fought viciously, but so did she. It made a terrible din: his lightsaber against her metal staff, their grunts and yells. “Do you want me alive or dead?” she called out.

“Dead is fine,” came the low and steady answer.

“Who sent you?”

“That is none of your concern.”

That angered her. “Well I think it is,” she said, swinging her staff right at him, but he parried. They were right at the edge of the roof now, and Rey saw her chance. With a scream, she charged at him with the pipe held over her head, and as he raised his lightsaber and his head to block her, she kicked him in the stomach. He stumbled back, off the roof, and was gone. She stood at the edge of the roof, peering down, and saw him down there, lying on his back, not moving. Only one person stopped: life on Jakku was short and rough. Now she just had to get off the roof.

She used her staff to jump down to the next roof, which was only two stories tall. There was a door in the floor, with a rough wooden ladder, and she carefully climbed down into a bar. It was crowded, and nobody noticed her. She headed outside, trying to come up with a plan to get back to the Falcon without attracting any other attention. Somehow, she had to get through a town full of people who had watched her grow up without anyone recognizing her.

In took less than a minute before she saw Caiazzo, another scavenger familiar to her. He had never liked her much, but then none of the other scavengers had liked her very much. Nor had she liked them, at all. But she had to think for her life now, and she couldn’t trust anyone. She slipped inside a doorway, to think. It was a small townhouse, empty, and Rey sat against the front wall, under the window, breathing heavily. This had been a terrible idea. Why was she here? What had been her reasons? It should have been a sign that she had no good answer yesterday when everyone on the Falcon had asked why they were on Jakku.

She knew, of course. Even if she hadn’t admitted them to herself. She was here looking for what she’d always been looking for. The information was there, buried deep inside her. But not all of it. He said they were dead, buried in a pauper’s grade. How did he know that?

She felt a tear run down her face.

“Ben,” she called in a whisper.

There wasn’t a response. He wasn’t there. He wanted her dead. He’d sent his knight to kill her. She was hurt, betrayed, angry. They could have been partners, and instead he decided that they had to be enemies. “Ben,” she seethed. “Why?”

She could feel him before she saw him. She opened her eyes, and there he stood. At least he was clothed this time. He was looking down at her, disdainfully. She looked up, hating every fiber of his being. 

“It doesn’t have to be this way,” she said, quietly.

He stared at her, his eyes brimming with loathing, before finally saying, quietly, “You made your choice.”

“My choice was with my friends,” she argued back, fiercely. “With the Light. You could have made the same choice.”

“You just don’t get it,” he said, the anger rising with each word so that the final words of the sentence were yelled with a fierce, guttural emotion. He looked away, flexing his fist, and she was, for a moment, frightened. He looked back at her, and his voice was calmer. “I offered you a future, and your response was to run back to Jakku. _Jakku!_ You ran straight to the past. To a past that hated you, abused you, abandoned you. Are you really hoping they’ll still be there?”

She fought back tears: she would not cry in front of him anymore. But it was hard. Why did he always, always, go to talking about her parents? “You said they were buried here. I wanted to see…”

“In an unmarked grave, you absurd child. Put there by the cheapest bounty hunters some bartender tired of their unpaid tab and gambling debts could find. You won’t be able to find their graves.”

“How do you know these things?” she seethed. “They didn’t come from me. I didn’t know that.”

He looked away now, first at the ground, and then the ceiling, and then away from her. Anywhere but at her face. His voice was quiet now, deep. “Yeah, well, Snoke was watching you for a long time.”

She was confused, and stared at him.

“The scavenger girl who will bring order to the force,” he spit out, like it was the most disgusting thing he’d ever had in his mouth. “I believed it.”

“Maybe the force only needs order because you’re trying so hard to bring it to the dark side,” she seethed.

“No,” he said, and stepped closer. “You don’t understand, at all. It’s bigger than me, it’s bigger than you. Together, maybe…” he trailed off.

“Only if you let me live,” she said.

“You made your choice,” he said, quietly, shrugging.

“It doesn’t have to be this way,” she said.

He wasn’t looking at her anymore. “They have an order not to kill you,” he said, suddenly. “They’re to bring you to Hux alive, so that Hux can do what he needs to get information about your friends.”

“How reassuring.”

He looked at her again. “It will be your last chance. To reconsider my offer.”

“I won’t,” she said, and he made the fatal mistake of looking into her devastated eyes, and he felt a pang of regret. “Ben…” she trailed off.

Rey heard voices now, in the real world, at the window. “I don’t know,” one said. “What are we going to do?”

“Vanna said she was there one minute, and then just gone.”

“At what point do we go back to the ship?”

“Is there anyone here who can help?”

She jumped up. Poe and Finn were right outside the window, looking distraught. “Psst,” she said. “I’m here. We need to get out of here.”

“Ah,” Ben sneered. “You’ve been crouching in a hiding spot. What a brave Jedi you pretend to be, until...”

“Rey!” her friends both shouted, and all three hugged through the window, and she couldn’t hear the rest of what he had to say.

“We have to get out of here,” Rey said again. “They know we’re here. They’re on their way.”

“You fool,” Kylo seethed. “We’re already on Jakku. And my men will find you, and kill your friends, and bring you to Hux. And his orders are to make your death as painful as possible.”

And she cut the force connection.

* * *

Rey had never been so terrified as on her escape from the trading post. She left the hut, and the three of them huddled together as they walked quickly to the cruisers. They all expected Storm Troopers to appear at any moment, but they didn’t. Everything was quiet and strikingly ordinary. Rey didn’t trust the banality of the evening market place one bit. The others were waiting by the transports, and the six young Resistance fighters sped back to the Millennium Falcon, each looking behind them constantly to see if they were being followed, each certain they were about to be shot by unseen monsters in the dunes. But nothing.

“They’re here,” Rey said, bursting onto the ship. “They’re here, and they know we’re here.”

The few Resistance members who hadn’t gone for a walk into the dessert looked up, looking a little concerned, but clearly with no idea what she was talking about.  
“Where’s Leia?” Rey asked, making her own way to the cockpit, which was something of the command center on the Falcon. She burst the door open, and repeated her warning.

Leia pursed her lips.

Godderd glared at them “What have you been up to?” he asked.

“This was foolish,” Vanna said, near tears. “They’ve found us.”

“Eh,” Poe shrugs. “We’ll get out of this.”

Rey glared at him. “A Knight of Ren attacked me,” he said.

“Oh, is that it?” Poe asked. “He’s been hanging around Jakku for months now. That doesn’t mean anything. He was probably looking for a different kind of action.”

She glared around the room. She had no way to explain what she knew. None of them believe her. “I know,” she seethed. “I just know. They know we’re here, and they’re coming for us. Right now.”

“Rey,” Finn asks, and then his tone changed, so he was no longer asking a question, but trying to calm her. “Rey, it’s okay. We have at least a few days. Well, at least a day.”

“Realistically,” Godderd said, “About a day, if she found a Knight of Ren.”

Rey felt the panic rise in her throat. She focused on Leia. “General Organa,” she pleaded. “I know, I just know. They’re already here, and they’re looking for us.”

“Rey is right,” Leia said, suddenly, firmly. Her tone indicated that it was information that she already had, and was certain of, but she knew that was the only way her crew would take the threat seriously. The truth was that she trusted Rey, trusted that Rey had ways of knowing things. “We need to get out of here without anyone noticing. Issue a command to get everyone back to the ship immediately.”

People started scattering, preparing the ship to take off. They’d planned to spend a few days here, so not everything was strapped down and ready for flight: but that only took a few minutes of expert preparation. 

“I have an idea,” Rey said, suddenly.

* * *

General Hux scowled as he marched down the hallway to the ludicrous temporary throne room that Kylo Ren had established for himself in the Supreme Palace on Coruscant. Thick black cloth had been draped from the walls, and only a single red light hung from the ceiling. It looked more like an impractically lit coat closet than a throne room. And Supreme Leader Ren sat on a black metal chair with skulls and bones cast into it that had been found lord knows where in the palace. Hux couldn’t help but have an image of Kylo sorting through ancient attics looking for the most childishly terrifying throne he could find.

Kylo Ren’s problem, Hux thought bitterly, was that he didn’t understand that true terror doesn’t come from outlandish acts of violence. It comes from knowing that your enemy is bigger, stronger, and merely biding its time. Kylo Ren had the patience of a toddler, and the word ‘biding’ wasn’t even in his vocabulary.

And now here they were. If he’d only managed wait things out a little more, instead of sending one of his tin-can Jedi followers to attack the stupid girl, the entire Resistance would be dead. But no. The new Supreme Leader couldn’t even wait for his Jedi followers to all arrive: he just sent the first one to get there, and the girl had been able to fight him off and escape. This was a girl who could kill Snoke and his 8 guards, and escape, all in the time it took Kylo Ren to take a little nap. _Of course_ she could fight off whichever lazy bastard had been hanging around Jakku for the last month, drinking and playing dice. She probably did it with one pinkie while playing a harmonica.

And now he had to be the one to tell Kylo that they’d all gone missing, and who knew how that would go.

Kylo’s fist curled as he heard the news, while Hux anticipated a blow that never came.

“My advice,” Hux said, “would be to just bide our time, and let them reveal themselves. Of course you have more pressing administrative matters to get to, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo Ren didn’t respond.

“They will likely resurface on one of the three places I mentioned the other day, Sir. Gledhill seems the most likely.”

“They’re still on Jakku, and they must be destroyed,” he said.

The dim red light was giving Hex something of a headache, but he tried to keep his head free of complaints, and his tone upbeat. “We can’t lay waste to the entire planet, sir,” he joked.

“The entire planet already is a waste,” was the bitter response. “Yes,” he said. “Eliminate the planet. Kill what deserves to die. They must still be on it.”

“Well,” Hux clarified, “We can find no signs of unusual life. But no ships have departed the planet since the girl was caught.”

“They must still be on the planet,” Kylo Ren said. He leaned forwards, beckoning to Hux. “What is the plan to destroy it?”

“Jakku, sir?” Hux seemed mildly perturbed. 

“Yes.”

“Are you certain you want to do that, sir? Jakku is—“

Kylo’s voice was cold as ice as he glared down his general. “Don’t question my decisions, Hux.”

“Yes, sir.”

* * *

The Millennium Falcon was parked in the hull of a giant, crashed star destroyer. Chewie was livid that the entire ship was covered with the sand lizards that bred in the star destroyer, and that most of the view out the windows was little pink lizard bellies. Chewie screamed and banged the windows, but the lizards very quickly learned that they had nothing to fear and ignored the commotion.

Rey, Finn, Vanna, and Rose were playing a card came in the main chamber, but Rey was having a hard time focusing. “Are you okay?” Finn asked, for about the hundredth time that day.

“Yeah,” Rey responded, absently. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You must miss Luke,” Rose said. “He was your teacher. That’s, like, a thing with the Jedi, right? There’s a teacher and a students and they’re, like, really close and can talk in their heads. Do you still see him? That’s a thing too, right?”

Rey looked at her, confused. Rose had a way of babbling her thoughts, and she had a lot of thoughts. And Rose was very smart, and her thoughts weren’t usually totally wrong… they just sometimes needed to be parsed out a little. What Rose was describing was how things were supposed to go, but hadn’t. Luke hadn’t liked her from the moment he saw her, and his dislike had only grown. Their parting had not been a good one. And no, she didn’t still see him, or talk to him in her head. She had felt his death, so she obviously had some sort of force bond, but it wasn’t anything clear. It wasn’t like her force bond with Ben.

A vivid memory came back, suddenly, of Ben trying to enter her mind when he’d interrogated her. His hand next to her head, his face in her face, his fear and anger omnipresent in the room. And he had gotten in slightly, through the tiny chinks in the armor that she had been furiously building while trying to hold him off. And the harder he tried, the more she knew what he was doing and how to stop him. It was like she could see what he was doing, and could copy it. And then, suddenly, she had known how to burrow into his head, to see his thoughts. He had been thinking, right then, _Darth Vader, help me. Give me more strength, more power, to crack her open. Give me your strength, so that I can be as strong as you. Please._ And that last, haunting please hung in his head, and in her head, and she almost laughed at how ludicrous is was. And she told him that his greatest fear was that he’d never be as strong as Darth Vader. 

And he turned and stomped out of the room, and she had won.

She had won her very first lesson in using the Force.

And Kylo Ren had been the one teaching her.

“I don’t think she can hear us,” Vanna was saying. “It’s a trance.”

“Rey!” Finn was calling.

“I’m sorry,” Rose said. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t,” Rey said, turning to her. “You didn’t upset me. What you said was true.” They all looked at her, and Rey was uncomfortable. She had to be alone and think about this some more. “I’m sorry,” she said, and she went to the one place on the ship she knew she’d be alone. Leia’s room.

* * *

“Ben,” she called. “Ben, I know. I know what’s doing this.”

There was no answer, so she set herself up in a meditative position so that she could try to remember more.

She had gone to the island to learn from Luke, the last Jedi master. Luke had refused to teach her, and then begrudgingly given her a few lessons that she doubted had ever been part of any formal Jedi training. Instead, she had found Kylo Ren. He was the one who walked her through the experience in the Dark pit. He was the one who had taught her to fight with a lightsaber, in the snowy forest. He was the one who had taught her how to open minds and see inside them, using his own mind as the lesson.

But how had he taught her these things? That was the part that brought her discomfort. It wasn’t through direct instruction, or through words. 

Somehow, she just knew what he was doing, and how, and why, and how to fight back. He taught her in a way that was as natural as exhaling after taking a deep breath.

That was the root of their force bond. It was because Kylo Ren was her Jedi Master, and she was his Apprentice.


	4. Chapter 4 - This is a good world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know you’re on Jakku. That’s all we need.”
> 
> “So you’re going to destroy the whole planet?”
> 
> He shrugged. “If I’m your master, and I like the sound of that, then perhaps you can repeat the most important lesson I’ve tried to teach you?”
> 
> She glared at him, and his eyes smiled.
> 
> “Think of it as a gift to you, Rey,” he said, softly. “A thank you gift, for your help in the throne room. I will help you kill your past, as my parting gift to you.” She still glared, unable and unwilling to speak. “I’ll miss you, Rey,” he said, quietly. “I’ll miss what we had the chance to do.”
> 
> \---------------------------

** Chapter 4 – This is a Good World **

_Watch her_ , he said.

Leia sighed. “She’s broken, and I don’t know what broke her.”

_It was him. That boy._

“But how? When?”

_She was on the ship with him. She went to him, willingly. Together, they killed Snoke and his entire guard. Together._

“And then what?”

_I don’t know. She left. He followed. He told me he would destroy her. He means it. He wants to destroy all of it._

“All of us.”

_Yes, but he’s most angry at her. I can feel it._

“What does she feel?”

_I don’t know._

“Why not?” Leia smiled. “I thought that was how the Jedi Master and Apprentice bond worked.”

_I was never her master._

“But she went to learn from you, and she learned so much. I can see it in her.”

There is only silence.

“Luke?”

_I tried to teach her… I tried. She’s special, something new. Something I’ve only seen before in Ben. I failed, Leia. I failed in teaching her. I couldn’t do it. I just kept seeing Ben in her soul._

“She reminds me of him sometimes,” Leia said. “In her eyes. A child trying to find her place in the world. It didn’t occur to me that there would be more.”

_She’s a good person. She has good goals. But she’s dark inside. It’s a darkness I don’t know what to do with._

“So who is teaching her?”

There was no response, and Leia’s Force sense pricked up. He knew, and he wasn’t saying. Dear God, not Snoke. Not another one lost to Snoke.

_It’s not Snoke. Snoke saw what she and Ben were capable of, and he wanted her to die, so that he could keep control of Ben._

“Then who? I insist that you tell me.”

_Ben._

* * *

“Ben,” Rey said.

No answer.

“Ben,” she called, getting more insistent. He could feel her, but he was ignoring her. It annoyed her.

“Ben, I need to talk to you,” she insisted. She had so many thoughts swimming in her head, and she wasn’t sure what to make of most of them. Memories of that first power struggle over the map, of him offering to be her teacher, of the fight in the snow, of their hands touching, of feeling his body as an extension of hers during the fight in Snoke’s chamber, of trusting him enough to give him her lightsaber, and then having that trust broken. She remembered the times he brought up her parents, just to make her angry and hurt and lost and upset, and she knew those were lessons, too. And that made her angrier than anything else. How dare he, who had parents who loved him so much, use her parents’ disinterest in her as a way to manipulate her? 

“Kylo Ren, come here right now!” she screamed.

“What?” he asked, in front of her now. He was bathed in a sickly red light that made his scars look deeper and his complexion even more pock marked. He looked the part of a hideous monster.

She sucked in her breath, not even sure how to start.

“What is it?”

She gulped, and said, “I figured out the reason for our force connection.”

“Oh?” he seemed mildly interested, and one corner of his lip raised in a smirk.

“Nobody else ever taught me how to use the Force,” she mumbled, not making eye contact with him. “But you did. At least, I think you did. I think you’re my master.”

He stood up and walked closer to her, and walked in a circle around her, studying her up and down. She felt humiliated, and didn’t meet his eyes. She wasn’t sure if it made sense for her to feel quite so humiliated: what was wrong with being a student? She would have happily been a student of Luke Skywalker. But there was something so base about being surveyed, like a piece of raw meat at a butcher’s stall, by this monstrous child who wanted her dead.

“I don’t want you dead,” he said, softly. “But I need you to die. And you will. In about twenty minutes. But I’m glad you came to visit, one last time.”

She breathed in, sharply. “How do you know where we are?”

“You’re still on Jakku,” he said, simply.

“But you know our location?”

“I know you’re on Jakku. That’s all we need.”

“So you’re going to destroy the whole planet?”

He shrugged. “If I’m your master, and I like the sound of that, then perhaps you can repeat the most important lesson I’ve tried to teach you?”

She glared at him, and his eyes smiled.

“Think of it as a gift to you, Rey,” he said, softly. “A thank you gift, for your help in the throne room. I will help you kill your past, as my parting gift to you.” She still glared, unable and unwilling to speak. “I’ll miss you, Rey,” he said, quietly. “I’ll miss what we had the chance to do.”

“I came,” she said, tears streaming down her cheeks, “because I wanted you to keep teaching me.”

He took a step back, and then turned away from her. He seemed to be studying a corner of his room.

“Ben,” she started.

“Don’t call me that,” he yelled, turning back, raising his arm as if to strike her. 

She didn’t shrink back.

“Just once,” he said, “Before you die, I wish you’d be scared of me.”

“Why?”

“Because everyone else is.”

“No they’re not,” Rey said, impulsively. “Everyone thinks you’re a foolish child in an idiotic mask trying to be your grandfather who you never met, and who died showing more compassion than you’ll ever know. And I’ll keep calling you Ben if I want to.”

“No you won’t,” he screamed, his reaction disproportionate to any previous part of the conversation.

“You think it’s all about the future,” she yelled back. “You think that you can just erase the past, erase everything that’s ever displeased you, even a little. Your name, your father, your uncle, me. But that’s not how it works, Ben. The past will always be a part of you. Always. You can’t kill that part of you.”

He stared at her, displeasure written on his face. She stared back at him, seething with rage.

“You have nightmares,” she said, quietly. “About all of it. I can see them. And the worst, tell me the worst one, Ben. The nightmare that keeps you awake at night, terrified to fall asleep, because you might see it again.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Tell me, Ben,” she seethed, stepping forwards. “Tell me your worst nightmare. Whose face is looking at you, with love and compassion and friendship and everything you want, everything you’ve ever wanted, and then tell me what you do to her.”

“You’ll be dead soon, and I don’t need any of this!” he called.

“I will never leave you if you kill me, you coward” she screamed with all of the rage and passion and anger and hate and fear that filled her body and soul. “And you will have that dream every waking minute and every sleeping minute and I will always be there, with your lightsaber through my chest, staring at you, knowing everything. _Everything_!”

And then, suddenly, the connection snapped shut. She stood alone, sobbing, angry and humiliated. She could barely see as she barreled through the halls, knocking into walls and people, trying to get to the main control room. She found Poe and Chewey and a few others, and she ordered “We have to take off, now. We have ten minutes to get off this hellhole before it explodes.”

“What?” Poe asked, confused.

“Just do it!” she screamed. “For once in your life, follow directions if you want to live! Get everybody ready!”

“What’s she talking about?” someone else said.

Chewey grunted, meaning “Calm down. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay!” she yelled. “We need to leave, NOW!”

“Where’s the General?” a man asked, and a woman said “I’ll go get her.”

Ray stood there, alone and humiliated and waiting, until General Organa finally arrived around the corner. “What’s going on?”

“We have to leave this planet,” Rey said, trying to be composed and knowing that she was failing. “It’s going to blow up in about eight minutes.”

“Is she getting information from somewhere?” the man, visibly uncomfortable.

“Let’s prepare to take off,” Leia said, calmly. “It doesn’t sound like we have very much time to waste. Rey, go into my chamber, and wait for me, please.”

This was the final humiliation, the General sending her off to her room, like a punished child. But she listened, because what choice did she have? Rey walked back to Leia’s room, her head held high, ignoring how people were jumping out of her way. But once the door had shut behind her, she could no longer keep up any composure. She fell onto the bed, curled up in a ball, body racked with sobs. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This wasn’t how her story was supposed to go.

* * *

Kylo Ren marched to the command room. A holograph of Hux was waiting for him. “Ah, Supreme Leader,” Hux said. “Just in time. Would you like to give the order, or should I?”

“Do it,” Kylo Ren yelled. “Do it now. Kill the entire thing.”

Hux blinked a few times, the smile never leaving his face. “We have a few more adjustments, sir. We’re not quite in range. But I will give you the signal, and you may say ‘fire’ when it is time.”

It was true. Everything she’d said. All he could see were her eyes from his dream, the dream he’d had every night that he’d dared fall asleep. She knelt before him, and the red blade of his lightsaber struck through her chest, but she didn’t even flinch. She just stared at him with those eyes. She never fell in the dream, never completely died, no matter how long the dream went on: she just stared at him, unblinking, until he woke up.

Hux was giving quiet orders to his men, and Jakku appeared on the large holoscreen in front of Kylo Ren. It was a large, red planet. A God-forsaken place.

“My knights are off, correct, General?” Kylo Ren said. “Except Mardeth?”

“Yes sir,” Hux replied. “We evacuated key personnel.”

“There were key personnel on Jakku?” Kylo asked, with more than a pinch of sarcasm.

“Yes sir, of course. The First Order has a base there, a small, intelligence-gathering control center. If you’ll remember, this was—“

“On Jakku?” Kylo asked again, still not quite believing his years.

“If I might make a suggestion, Supreme Leader, perhaps you should do a little more research before deciding which planets to blow up.” Hux was surprised that he could still breathe after that outburst, but the truth was that he was livid at Kylo Ren’s complete lack of a larger strategy, besides going after this girl. She might be dangerous, she might be poisonous, but she was not worth blowing up a planet over.

“Are we ready to fire yet?” Kylo asked, evenly.

“Yes sir.”

“Fire!”

* * *

Leia stayed on the bridge to orchestrate their escape. She believed Rey, but had no additional information to go on. Were there bombs embedded in the sand? Would the attack come from a large spacecraft, or from small fighters flying low overhead? She made a gamble that it would be heavy firepower from a large spacecraft, and had the Falcon fly low around the surface of the planet until it came into view, creeping up on the horizon. And then, as quickly as possible, the Falcon sped in the other direction, staying out of sight, flying as high as it could without entering the atmosphere.

They all felt the planet shudder as the first hit came, as the planet’s gravity shifted. “Now,” Leia commanded, and the Falcon flew into space. Behind them, they could see the planet aflame, sinking into itself, a red burst of growing flame that resembled a tiny star. 

She stayed in the cockpit to make sure that they weren’t being followed, but there was no sign of any First Order ships except the huge star cruiser. She instructed the pilots to fly to Gledhill. It would take about a week to get there, and they would need to stop twice for fuel, but it seemed to Leia to be the best option.

And then she went to her chambers, to confront Rey.

Rey. The last Jedi. The girl from Jakku who had somehow ended up in her rebellion. More than that, in her family. Rey had met Han, and brought him home. She had met Ben, somehow, and had forged some sort of partnership where they had, together, killed Supreme Leader Snoke. There had to be a story there, but Leia hoped that Rey would tell it when she was ready. 

The poor girl was curled up, asleep, on Leia’s bed. Her face was red and tear-stained, but she looked so peaceful that Leia couldn’t disturb her. The General sat in her rocker, the one she had rocked her baby boy in so many years earlier, alone with her thoughts.

Leia wasn’t sure how much time had passed before Rey sat straight up. “Yes, I am,” she said. Her voice was so full of anger and hate that Leia winced. The poor child was having a nightmare.

“I don’t care. I’m glad you did,” Rey seethed. She was talking to someone, someone who wasn’t there.

“I know they aren’t!” she screamed. And then, quieter, but no less angry, “I suppose I should thank you, right? You killed the past for me. That’s your game. Now there’s no hope—“ she paused, her face getting redder. “I know that!”

Leia stared. What was this? A very strange nightmare. Night terrors, perhaps? But Rey would be more upset if it were night terrors. Her eyes were wide open, and she certainly seemed wide awake.

She was on her knees now, upright, facing the wall at the foot of the bed, and Leia could only see her profile. “You do that,” she said, through gritted teeth. “You do that. And I’ll be waiting. But this time, you will come to me directly, and not creep around blowing up planets that I might be on, like a coward. You are a coward, Ben Solo, only a coward would do what you just did to Jakku. But I didn’t know you were this big a coward, that you won’t even face me. You will find me, and me alone, and we will finish this. Do you understand? We will finish this, just the two of us!” she screamed the last sentence with a fury that left Leia chilled to her very bones. Ben Solo. Rey was dreaming about Ben with such passion.

It all made the next thing she said something of a letdown: “No,” she said, quietly in something of a “harrumph” tone, and she sat back crossed her arms. 

“I don’t know,” she mumbled, quietly, turning her head. “It doesn’t matter now.” Her voice was clear and light. 

And then she was angry again. “No! Stop playing mind games.”

And her voice was low and angry again. “Not with me. Not anymore. The only thing you have left of me is your dream, and I hope it destroys you.”

She was crying again, and she answered with a broken voice. “Me? Me? You accuse me of,” she paused to muffle a sob, “when you are—“

And then, suddenly, she stopped. “What?” she asked, so quietly it was almost a whisper. And then, “Oh.” Her head turned ever so slightly, and her eyes darted, and Leia knew that she was seen. Rey turned back, breathing heavily with nerves. She was silent. The tension in the room lifted, and Leia knew that he was gone. That he had been there, in the room, somehow. And now he was gone. Rey laid back down, breathing heavily, her back to Leia.

“Is there anything you’d like to tell me?” Leia asked, after a few suffocating moments.

“No,” Rey pouted.

“It might make you feel better.”

“Unlikely.”

“It may be worth thinking about whether you have an obligation to tell your general that you’ve been communicating with the enemy.”

“He’s not my enemy,” she said, bitterly. “I don’t know what he is. It’s like he’s part of me, and I can’t get rid of him.”

“Is he with you now?”

“No. It only happens sometimes.”

“That’s how you knew about Jakku?”

Rey nodded, miserably.

“There are worse things than being able to get inside your, er, adversary’s head,” Leia smiled. “Perhaps we can figure out how to put this to practical use.”

* * *

Kylo Ren looked at the shambles of his throne room, barely even remembering what he’d done. The streaks of fire on the wall showed that he’d used his lightsaber, and he’d clearly pulled down the curtains. He’d have the curtains hung back up.

He marched down the hallway and up the stairs to his private apartment. His servant was waiting outside his door to follow him in, but Kylo barked “Not now” and slammed the door in his face.

She called him a coward, when she was the one who was running from her destiny. When she was the one too scared to understand everything he’d said, everything he’d explained. When she was the one too afraid to stay with him.

_Love and compassion and friendship and everything you want._

Those weren’t the things that he wanted. He wanted order and peace and prosperity, a society without war and rebellions and a Resistance. He had offered her all that, and she had chosen chaos, she had chosen a childish fantasy about the past. He had grown up in that past, and it wasn’t something that should ever return to the galaxy. 

“We will finish this, just the two of us!” she had screamed at him, and the pureness of her anger was like nectar to him, even through the force bond. He drank it in, and admired its simple beauty.

_Love and compassion and friendship and everything you want._ That wasn’t what he wanted, but she could believe what she wanted to. “There isn’t much love or compassion or friendship in your eyes right now,” he said, reveling in the hatred flowing through her.

She had crumpled, immediately. “No,” she agreed.

He spoke softly, truly wondering. “Is that what you were feeling?” He would miss her when he finally killed her.

“I don’t know,” she mumbled. “It doesn’t matter now.”

“I want to hear you say it.”

“No,” she snapped back. “Stop playing mind games.”

He laughed. “Isn’t that what this all is?”

“Not with me,” she said. “Not anymore. The only thing you have of me anymore is your dream, and I hope it destroys you.”

“Do you know how cruel you are?” he asked her, quietly, honestly wondering if she knew the effect she had on him. 

“Me?” she sputtered, and she was crying again. Me? You accuse me off—when you, you are—“ 

“Who else is there?” he asked, suddenly. “In the room.” During the girl’s outburst, he had felt movement in the room. He took his focus off Rey, and concentrated,   
and yes, there she was.

“What?”

“There’s someone else there. Ah, it’s the esteemed General of your little band.”

Rey looked around, without moving her head, and just said “Oh.”

He’d smiled at Rey, a cold and cruel smile, and no longer felt so bad about what he was eventually going to have to do. It was time to let the past fade out of his life.


	5. Chapter 5 - The war has failed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That was Darth Vader,” Rey exclaimed. “The Darth Vader!”
> 
> “He prefers to be known as Anakin Skywalker.”
> 
> “Wait until I tell Ben,” she gloated, and Luke stared at her. She scowled and looked at the floor. That was definitely the wrong thing to say.
> 
> \-----------------------

**Chapter 5 – The war has failed**

“Rey,” the hologhost said.

She bobbed her head in a polite greeting. “Master Luke.”

“You need a new teacher.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Your last teacher was not an acceptable choice.”

“It wasn’t my choice.”

“I don’t know about that, but what’s done is done. Let’s get started.”

Rey was to spend most of the four days to Gledhill training with Luke. He wasn’t as fierce, but she could tell that he still didn’t like her much. This was all Leia’s idea, it had been Leia’s insistence that Rey be trained in the Force by someone other than Ben. Because, of course, it had all come out: the force connection, that everything Rey knew about the Force was somehow learned from Ben. And Leia had decreed that Rey would begin studying with Luke immediately. Luke clearly wasn’t happy about it, and it wasn’t exactly Rey’s idea of a good time, either.

He spent the first morning teaching her about the history of the Jedi, and some basic philosophy. It was different from much of what he’s said on the island, and Rey knew that it was his Jedi Academy’s official curriculum. Then, suddenly:

“When did it start?” Luke asked.

“On the island,” Rey said, knowing exactly what he was talking about. What everyone was worried about. “The first time I was asleep, and then I woke up, and he was just there. He was more surprised than I was. I think… I think maybe I wasn’t surprised that weird things happened on the island. I was angry at him, and he just kept asking how I was doing it. But I wasn’t.”

“And he wasn’t doing it?”

“Snoke told us that he’d done it. But if he’d done it, wouldn’t it have ended when Snoke died?”

“Perhaps,” Luke said.

“Oh, and I shot him.”

“You shot him?”

“I… I thought he was there. I grabbed my blaster, and I shot him. He flinched, but it didn’t hurt him.”

“Interesting. So, when I saw you, that wasn’t the first time?”

“No,” Rey said, sheepishly. 

“Was it the next time?”

“The next time was short, too. I don’t remember much.”

“Okay then.” She couldn’t tell if Luke believed her, but it was true. 

She remembered that it was raining, and that she still loved the rain. There was no rain on Jakku: just dust storms. On the island, it had rained every day, a soft, light rain that made things grow green. She remembered how angry she was to have the fresh feeling of rain on her face interrupted by him. She remembered calling him a monster, and she remembered his face as he studied hers, as he bored into her brain and past her thoughts and down into her very soul, undressing any stoic artifice she’d ever built up around herself. He saw something there he liked, the very thing that Luke had seen and been afraid of, and his look had both terrified her and kept her going.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Luke said. “You know how far gone you are. You see it, don’t you? You must.”

“No,” she pleaded. “Please. It’s not my fault. I’m not like him.”

“It’s too soon to tell,” Luke said.

“Please,” she insisted. “Please don’t leave him as my only teacher. Then you know I’ll have no other choice but to turn to the dark side.”

He sighed. “How many more times are there?”

“I don’t know if this is productive,” she said, stiffly, remembering the next times it happened, and not wanting Luke to see them. 

“I can’t do this,” Luke said, but not to her.

_Do you have a choice?_ came the answer. It wasn’t Ben, it was an older voice, deeper.

“She’s already given in to the Dark Side. She’s fooling herself,” Luke said.

“I haven’t!” Rey exclaimed.

_She is weak_ , the voice said, _but she isn’t lost. Nobody is ever truly lost, and she is far from it._

“See!” Rey exclaimed. “I’m far from it. I’m just weak.” Her voice was a little too eager.

The disembodied voice chuckled, but Luke wasn’t smiling. “So how can I reach her?” Luke asked. “How can I bring her back?”

_Bring her back?_ asked the voice. _She is right in front of you. Bring her back would mean that she has left you, but she’s still right here._

“But the Dark Side—“

_She is a creature of the Dark Side_ , said the voice. _As are we all. We are all creatures of pain and anger and frustration. And the Dark Side is particularly strong with her, that’s true. But that is not who she is. She is also joy, charity, friendship, love, hope. Look inside her and you will see. She is also a creature of the Light, as we all are, too. You resent her because she has hope, so much hope._

“I don’t resent her,” Luke exclaimed, as Rey studied him. Did he resent her? Well, that didn’t surprise her.

_Perhaps_ , the voice continued, _you who have lost hope are the one who has turned to the Dark Side more than she has._

Luke was silent.

“I haven’t turned to the Dark Side,” Rey said, taking advantage of the silence in the room. “I just need a teacher. Please, Master Skywalker. Please teach me.”

_The choice is yours. She is here, and eager to learn. She may be the last best hope for her friends. She has a hunger that reminds me of me._

“Is that a good thing?” Luke asked.

The voice chuckled again. _Perhaps if the choices hadn’t been so disparate. Perhaps if someone had told me a third way. A way to channel my anger and fear into working towards peace and hope…_

“Anger and fear leading to peace and hope?” Luke asked, surprised.

_Fear and anger are weapons, and they can be directed towards peace and hope as well as any other weapons. Instead of pretending that these are weapons she doesn’t have, why don’t you train her on how to use them?_

“I don’t know how.”

_Yes, you do. They’re no different from any other weapon._

Luke was silent, and the feeling of the room was different: the voice was gone.

“Who was that?” Rey asked, after a few moments of silence.

“A force ghost,” Luke said. “I’m surprised he let you see and hear him. He must have had a reason.”

“Because he wanted you to be accountable,” she said, without missing a beat. “He wants you to train me. Who was it?”

“My father,” Luke said.

“That was Darth Vader,” Rey exclaimed. “The Darth Vader!”

“He prefers to be known as Anakin Skywalker.”

“Wait until I tell Ben,” she gloated, and Luke stared at her. She scowled and looked at the floor. That was definitely the wrong thing to say.

* * *

“Nothing left the planet,” Hux insisted. “We had the entire planet surrounded, and no living creatures left the planet.”

“They got away somehow,” Kylo Ren frowned. 

_You’re still alive_ , he'd said to her, standing over her while she slept. She’d opened her eyes, and her rage had nearly knocked him down: it came bursting out of her with all the force of Jakku in its last few seconds. Yes, I am, she had seethed which enough anger and hatred to have fed him for a month. But it didn’t seem to feed her like it did him. And so they’d confronted each other, and then he had no choice but to go and confront Hux to find out what had gone wrong. He'd come marching onto the bridge with such a look of furor that Hux suspected this was the end. But all he had done was demand to know why the resistance fighters were still alive.

“I fail to see how that’s possible,” Hux said, politely. “Might I suggest we turn our attention to what’s happening in the Gloxar system. Intelligence seems to indicate that there is trouble brewing there, possibly an insurrection regarding taxes.”

“Screw your intelligence,” Kylo Ren fumed.

Hux nodded, and walked towards his officers. The only positive thing that could be said about the new Supreme Leader was that his reign would certainly be short lived. A Supreme Leader who refused to listen to intelligence, who had no interest in administrative matters, and who probably couldn’t even name a single political or financial backer, was not long for this world. Thankfully.

* * *

“You seem happier,” Finn said at dinner that night.

“I feel happier,” Rey said. “Lighter. I’m going to get some real training, in how to use the Force.”

“That will be so cool,” Rose said. “I wish I had the Force.”

“You do,” Rey said. “The Force is in every living thing.”

“How can you tell if you have it?”

“I don’t know,” Rey said. “I didn’t know until—“ she stopped. She had been going to say until Ben showed me how to use it. She regrouped quickly: “Until I had to use it. And even then, I didn’t know it was the Force until much later.”

“What are you doing?” Poe laughed, as he sat down with his tray a few minutes later. Rey wished he’d sit pretty much anywhere else. “Why is everyone staring at their fork?”

“Having our first Force lesson,” Finn said.

“Hush,” Rose said. “You’re distracting us.”

Poe was laughing, and everyone’s concentration stopped.

“I think I saw it move!” Vanna said.

“Maybe,” Rey said. She was a little disappointed in her first attempt at teaching. She wasn’t convinced that anyone had been able to have much effect on their cutlery. But she encouraged them to keep trying. It occurred to her that maybe teaching was harder than she’d suspected.

 

They were a day from Gledhill when Leia asked to speak to Rey in her chamber again. “There is some fear,” Leia said, carefully, “That your connection makes you traceable.”

“He couldn’t find the Jedi island,” she countered, defensively.

“He knew I was in the room, so he obviously knows something of your surroundings. And there’s no reason to believe that the bond won’t get stronger.”

“I hope not,” Rey shuddered. “I didn’t ask for it. You know that, right?”

“Of course,” Leia said, gently.

“So what does this mean?”

“It means that we’re going to have two Resistance bases, and one will be a decoy.”

“And I’m at the decoy base?” Rey asked.

“Yes.”

“Who else?”

Leia was silent.

“Nobody else,” Rey said, nodding to herself. “I’m in exile.”

“No,” Leia said, quickly. “Look, if we had more fighters, we could set up a couple different communities. But we just can’t spare anyone.”

Rey nodded. “Okay,” she said.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay. I’m fine with it.”

Leia studied her, trying to know what the girl was thinking. The child had strong mental blocks up, was an expert at hiding her thoughts, and Leia had never been particularly good at prying into the minds of other people anyway. 

Rey smiled at her General, trying to show that she really and truly was fine. “He’s going to come looking for me,” Rey said. 

“I think so,” Leia agreed. “I don’t really understand—“ she trailed off, was silent for a moment, and spoke again. “Whether you want it or not, the Force is connecting you. And the Force gets what the Force wants.” She smiled.

“I have a plan,” Rey said. “For if he finds me.” And so the two sat all afternoon and came up with a plan.

 

“I demand to stay with her,” Finn said. “She needs protection.”

“Finn, stop it,” Rey said. She was low on patience. She looked tired.

“She’s the only Force use here!” Finn insisted, wildly changing tactics. “We need her!”

“Yeah, we tried,” Vanna said. “Most of us.”

“You can’t just drop her off in the middle of nowhere, and abandon her,” Finn said. “Nobody gets abandoned here!”

“Finn, stop it,” Rey said, firmly. “I’m not being abandoned. There’s a plan. This is where I need to be.”

Finn looked between Rey and Leia. Leia was smiling, gently. Rey looked exhausted, but resigned. There wasn’t much else for him to say. But he still didn’t like it one bit.

* * *

Gledhill was the most prosperous planet Rey had ever seen. At least the part they touched down on. Buildings were made of stone, and many were painted bright colors. Colorful flags and banners hung across streets. Children ran and played and sang, and adults smiled. People wore bright colors, and there were flowers everywhere.

That was the village that Rey and Poe went to for supplies. Someone sympathetic to the Resistance had found a small cottage, deep in the woods, for Rey to live in. Poe helped her purchase and move enough food and supplies to last her about a month, although she’d have to go fishing and hunting for fresh game.

“You sure you’re going to be okay here?” Poe asked.

“I’ll manage,” she said. “You’ll be okay on your flight back?”

“I’ll manage,” he smiled. “You know, Rey,” he said. “I think you’re really brave.”

Rey felt the hair on the back of her neck rise. “Thanks,” she said, uncomfortably.

“Agreeing to stay here all alone.”

“Just doing what General Organa asked.”

“Well I think it’s brave,” he said. “You’re kind of a loner, aren’t you?”

“I guess.”

“I am, too. It’s hard being alone, Rey. Even for loners like us.” He spoke softly, and took a step towards her.

She took a step back. “Stop,” she said.

“Stop what?” he asked, and took another step forwards. “Ever feel like being a little less lonely, Rey?”

“No,” she said.

“Come on,” he said. “Just a goodbye kiss, to remember me by. It’s going to be a long, lonely month before anyone comes back.”

“No, Poe.”

“Come on,” he said, taking another step forwards. “I see how you’ve been looking at me, Rey.” 

He ran his fingertips down her cheek. “Eugh,” she exclaimed, pushing him back, with her hands. “You are such a creep. Get out.”

“Rey,” he said, his palms up as though to prove that he was harmless, approaching her. “Come on. What’s the harm? I’m flying off into battle, don’t you want to give the hero a good luck kiss?”

“I will never be that lonely,” she said, the anger rising. Using the Force, she pushed him out of the little cottage, and slammed the door. She fell back on a faded old chair, covered with a soft material, and a cloud of dust rose around her. She’d have to clean this place a bit more, it appeared, but first she needed time to be livid. What a scumbag. He really would have tried something if she hadn’t pushed him out of the cottage. She wondered how many other Resistance fighters that ‘I’m lonely and so are you’ bullshit had worked on.

“Where are you?” Kylo Ren asked, suddenly there. "You're not in space anymore."

She wouldn't show nay surprised that he'd just appeared. Or that he knew she was on a planet. She wouldn't even give him the satisfaction of asking how he knew. “With the Resistance,” she huffed, petulantly. “There are millions of us.”

He smiled. “You’ll be happy to know that the wise General Hux has decreed that he’s taking a break from looking for you. Apparently, entire planets in revolt are more important than a dozen impotent traitors playing army.”

She leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling, trying to drown him out.

“But I haven’t,” he said. “I will find you. Because you’re right. We need to end this. Would you like to give me any hints?”

She scowled.

“You’re alone,” he said, and she put her guard up. But it was too late. “They’re using you as a trap.”

“No,” she said.

“They are. They’re sacrificing you. They want me to come find you, and then they’ll use that— to capture me?“ He said the last part like it was a question. More likely a wild guess.

“The Resistance is in no shape to draw the entire fleet,” she shot back. “You notice we didn’t even try to fight at Jakku.”

“So much for friendship,” he said, sarcastically. “So much for their beloved _last Jedi_.” He finished the last sentence with such hateful sarcasm that she looked at him, loathing him with every fiber of her being. “It wouldn’t surprise me if some intelligence with your location appeared on my desk any day now. If they’re smart, they’ll figure out how to get it directly to me, and keep it from Hux. Hux would send the fleet, and you’d never see it coming. I would probably go alone, to end you myself.”

“Get out!” she screamed. “Get out of my head. You wouldn’t know or understand friendship if it hit you on the head.”

He was unperturbed. “You wouldn’t recognize someone offering you the universe. You put your little ‘friends’ ahead of everything, and look at where it got you. Alone. Friendless. A sacrificial lamb.”

“It’s not like that. You wouldn’t understand.”

“You underestimate me,” he smiled. “Like I once overestimated you. I thought you were my equal, but you’ll always just be a lonely scavenger rat. For the rest of your days. Which, of course, are numbered.”

“I am not your equal,” she seethed. “I haven’t been your equal since that first time we met. I am stronger than you will ever be!” 

He didn’t say anything for a while. He studied her face, her beautiful steadfast face, with her eyes that would kill him if they could. Her eyes that prevented him from sleeping, that haunted him during his waking hours. Would he ever have peace from those eyes?

He turned away from her, but didn’t bother to walk away. That didn’t work, not when they were like this. Rey stared at the ceiling, desperately trying not to cry. The silence was overwhelming. The loneliness was overwhelming.

“I’ve been talking to your grandfather,” she said, suddenly.

That caught his attention.

“His force ghost has been coming to me, to help train me in the ways of the Force.”

“Liar,” Kylo Ren said.

“You know it’s true,” and she showed him. His fists flexed with rage. “He’s never done that for you, has he? What you thought was Darth Vader was just Snoke, feeding you lies. Pandering lies. Lies that you were too vain and selfish to see through. Vader turned towards the light at the end, and now he’s on my side.”

And then he lost it. He started punching something, smashing his fists against something. She was first afraid that it was another person, but then she realized it was a wall. He was having a temper tantrum, like a toddler. She watched, amazed and then appalled, and then she couldn’t help herself.

He swung around, and stomped over to stand over her. “What’s so funny?” he screamed at her, the veins in his forehead visible, his face twisted into horrible rage.  
But she was laughing so hard that she couldn’t answer, and then the connection closed. It was a long time before she could stand up, and then she headed into the kitchen to make herself some tea.

* * *

Kylo Ren calmed down, finally, and went into the washroom to plunge his face in icy water. He looked into the mirror, and saw what she saw. A scarred, angry, terrified boy who couldn’t control his temper. He would show her who was the most powerful of the two of them, who was the most powerful in the universe. He would show her the triumph in his eyes when he put his lightsaber right through her chest, as he should have done when he’d had the chance. He could picture the terror in her eyes, and it made him feel stronger. 


	6. Chapter 6 – God shall not forget us (I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My mom says he’s not real, and my mom knows.”
> 
> More children gather around. One child swears that his grandmother saw a Jedi. Another child heard that everyone in the Resistance is a Jedi. A third says that his father says that Jedi are immortal. Another adds something about wanting a lightsaber. The first says that his grandmother saw a lightsaber too, and it was so bright she needs glasses now.
> 
> The nonbeliever holds her ground. Fists are bared, and it’s a real schoolyard fist fight, and the non-believer, pushed up against a slide, finally recants. The Jedi _are_ real. They Jedi _are_ immortal. Luke Skywalker _lives_. 
> 
> All the girls want to be the new Jedi. She’s a girl, too. Some of the boys want to be Luke Skywalker, some want to be the First Order ships that chase after the Jedi, shooting. They hold out their fingers and chase the girls yelling “Pyoo! Pyoo! I got you!” But it’s no fun to shoot the Jedi, because the First Order bullets just bounce off Jedi. Everyone knows that. Soon, all of the children are Jedi, and play at moving rocks and mulch and playground equipment. A couple of them can actually do it.
> 
> \----------------

 

 

 

** Chapter 6 – God shall not forget us (I) **

 

The sunlight was pouring through the windows by the time Rey woke up. She wasn’t used to sleeping so late. On Jakku, she often woke up before dawn, so she could scavenge in the early morning hours, before the hot sun turned the rotting ship carcasses into ovens. With the Resistance, there were too many people in too small quarters to get much rest once people started being up and about. But here was peace and calm and rest, and Rey felt stronger than she’d felt in years.

She bathed and dressed and looked in her carefully ordered pantry for something to eat for breakfast. She had been a little embarrassed to admit, yesterday, that she had very little idea of what many of these ingredients were, or how to use them. Most of her meal preparation experience involved ration packs, which cooked themselves in water. It had taken a while to get used to food that was cooked by mixing incredients and using a heat source. Flavors and textures were different. And now she was supposed to figure out how to recreate them on her own.

She made a porridge of grains and water, adding a little bit of extra yogurt powder for thickness, and it was hearty and good and she was rather proud of herself. She would go hunting later. At least she had a fair idea of how to do that, although she was a little nervous about what she might find on this planet.

After she had cleaned up her breakfast, Rey tried to meditate. It was so easy in the peace and stillness of the forest, with the sound of birds singing providing a calming background noise. It wasn’t quite as fulfilling as her meditation experiences on Luke’s island, but she still felt calmer and more centered.

She went to the box with her treasures, and for the first time remembered the doll that she’d left on Jakku, and felt a wave of sadness. She felt silly for it: to be so torn over a doll? But she knew that it was more than a doll, really. It was all of her hopes and dreams for a happy family. Her remaining treasures were here, and they were significantly more important, but she just didn’t feel the same ties. She opened one of the Jedi manuals and flipped through it. She looked at the characters written on the pages, neat rows of small black shapes written a thousands of years ago. Some of the letters looked familiar, but that was all she knew. The paper was impossibly smooth, almost like a plastic.

She put the book back, and took out the red bundle. It had once been part of the uniform of Snoke’s guard, but as she scrambled to pick up the pieces of Luke’s lightsaber she’d needed something to collect them in. She had ripped a cape off a huddled figure, trying not to think of the death that lay behind his red mask. She’d ripped off a small red square, just big enough to fill with the lightsaber shards, and knotted it up tightly. She untied that knot for the first time, and looked at the pieces in front of her. She didn’t even know where to start. She stared at them for a long time, trying to feel for answers.

None came. She looked over each piece. There were pieces of metal. A small spring, and she couldn’t even imagine how a lightsaber would have a spring. And a little rock, shining in the sunlight that came streaming through the cottage windows. Rey fumbled in the rest of the box, and found another rock, the one she’d put in her pocket on Jakku. They were the same color and consistency: a milky translucence. And they had the same heaviness, which was more than just weight: an energy that sang to Rey’s fingers.

She took care to remember which was Luke’s as she studied them both. Finally, with no answers forthcoming, she packed the pieces back up, trying not to think about the source of the red fabric. And, picking up two of the guns the Resistance had given her for protection in her waistband, she went for a walk.

The cottage wasn’t too far from the road to town, and but she went in the other direction. She didn’t notice the pull at first: she just seemed to be walking in a random direction on a lovely day. But when she sat down to drink from her canteen, she could feel the unrest in her bones: her body was urging her to walk forwards, toward something. She tried to feel what it was, and whether it wished her harm, but it had a powerful agnosticism about it: nothing good, nothing bad, but just strong. She refused to bow to it, and drank her water slowly, taking in the sights of the forest. And then she continued on her way.

 

 

* * *

 

“Gledhill,” Kylo Ren repeated, musing. He skimmed the report that had been placed in front of him, and took another bite of the puffy protein cakes, dripping with sweet honey, that made up his breakfast. Then he looked up, at Commander Ta, and asked “Where are the rest of them?”

The Commander looked nervous. “All of the intelligence we have, sir, is that they’re on Gledhill.”

“No,” Kylo Ren said. “They’ve split into two bands. I will personally take care of the one on Gledhill. But find the others. They are someplace else.”

“Yes, sir.”

 

 

* * *

 

Now that Rey could feel the pull of the Force, it was all she could focus on. It grew stronger as she came closer to it, until her ears were ringing with the siren of its strength. There was sunlight up ahead: the trees cleared. She wondered if she should feel nervous, and put her hand on one of her guns, but the pull was calming her, making her feel centered. She came out of the woods onto a grassy clearing at the edge of a cliff.

It was as sweet and lovely as the rest of the forest, but the power was so strong that Rey’s vision took a moment to focus. The ground was a thick, plush, green moss, and there were short, twisted fruit trees scattered around the lawn. In the center were ruins: an old stone foundation and part of one wall. She slowly walked towards the ruins, realizing that she was on an overgrown brick path, soft with moss. The stone wall had one remaining window opening, long devoid of glass, but it offered a picturesque frame of the valley below. A river ran through a patchwork quilt of fields and villages, with green and purple mountains in the distance.  
She turned back, to survey where she’d entered from. The stone foundation stepped back down to what probably used to be a garden, laid out with brick paths. The bricks were still there, broken and being eaten by moss, in a long path. The path directed her to follow, and so she crept down it until she came to its end: a little portico, once attached to some sort of building, with a stone altar in the middle. Rey studied the stone, walking all the way around it, and slowly she reached her fingers out.

_Don’t touch it_ , said a voice in her head. A familiar voice. Master Luke.

“Why not?” she asked.  
_You’re not strong enough yet._

“What is this place?”

_An ancient Jedi temple. Destroyed by Vader early in the Empire. Do you feel how strong the Force is here?_

“Yes. It called me.”

_Yes. And it will be easier for me to continue your training here._

Joy rushed into Rey from all angles. She could grow here. She would get stronger here. She could continue to train and learn with Luke, and would be all the better able to face Kylo Ren when he arrived.

 

 

 

* * *

“Rey!” Finn said, with a grin.

“Oh let me say hi!” Vanna said, pushing him out of the way. “Rey! Hi!”

“Rey!” another voice yelled, and she could see Rose’s head appear behind Finn and Vanna, jumping to be seen. Everyone had agreed that Rey should travel light, so she just had a little tablet transmitter screen, about the size of a book. She could picture them sitting in front of the large screen on the Falcon, her face blown up to the size of a wall. Even on the small screen, she could see more familiar faces crowding around, all laughing and saying hi and waving and struggling to be the face she saw.

Rey laughed and laughed, and felt ridiculous for ever feeling alone, for ever feeling like her friends didn’t care.

“Hey Poe, say hi to Rey!” Finn said, looking off-camera.

“Hi Rey!” she heard Poe’s voice say, and she stiffened, but he didn’t say anything else, and Finn turned back to her.

“How’s your cottage? Poe said it was like a fairytale, but I wasn’t sure what that meant.”

“Finn’s never read any fairy tales,” Rose said, having successfully elbowed Vanna out of the way. “Can you imagine?”

Rey could, but she just smiled. “It’s really nice,” she said. “It’s got a little living room, and a kitchen, and a bedroom. I can give you a tour later.”

“We miss you so much!” Rose said.

“It’s only been a day,” Rey insisted.

“I know, but we got used to you! We were trying to do Force lessons, and I’m just hopeless.”

“I don’t believe that,” Rey said.

“But I’m getting pretty good,” Finn said.

“That’s great,” Rey smiled. “I can’t wait to see. Just keep practicing.”

“Okay, we have to go to dinner,” Finn said, “but we just wanted to check to make sure you’re okay. You’re okay, right?”

“I’m okay.”

“Good,” he beamed, and she beamed back, hiding the loneliness as she saw her friends together and happy and heading off to their normal routine of dinner and cards and conversation and bed. The screen shut off, and she sat in her quiet cottage and she’d never felt quite so alone before.

  

 

* * *

Rumors swirled around the galaxy.

At a bar on Xandu:  
“Yeah,” the pilot says, “my cousin was there. He’s a real straight-laced sort, you know? My mother always says he was made for the First Order. You know the type. Anyway, he swore up and down that he saw the whole thing. Luke Skywalker himself, the man—no, I know, I didn’t believe he was real either, but my cousin, he’s a real straight laced type, you know? Would never lie. Could never lie. My brother and me, we called him Dink the Fink because he wouldn’t ever stop tattling on us. He saw the man in the flesh. Right there, as alive as you and me. And he and the new Supreme Leader, they battled it out with their lightsabers, all, you know, like whish, and whoosh, you know. Yeah, real lightsabers, my cousin swears. I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t heard it from anyone else. Lan, you know my cousin. Gadink. Yeah, with the hair. Back me up here. Right? Listen to Lan. My cousin wouldn’t make this shit up.”

Lan is so drunk he’s barely listening, but he nods with gravitas, and people want to believe.

“And meanwhile, my cousin says, the general of the First Order and the Supreme Leader are in this thing, what’s it called? You know, one of those guys with legs. I haven’t seen one myself, but I know what they’re talking about. And they’re just fighting and bickering like anything. Pushing each other down to the ground, like having a schoolyard fist fight. I mean, who does that? At work I mean. I’d be out on my ass so fast if I acted like that while shipping for anyone. Really explains why they can’t even fix that asteroid problem in the Bartok shipping lane, know what I mean? That route’s been messed up for years, where the hell are our bloody taxes going?”

On a schoolyard on Batuu:

“I can’t believe you actually believe in the Jedi.”

“They’re real!”

“My mom says that they’re just a sad little fantasy of the hopeless.”

“Oh yeah? Then how did Luke Skywalker get blown up by a million giant bombs, and there were planes dropping them, and giant guns, and a cannon as big as Miss Garner’s butt?”

“Well he didn’t. He’s not even real.”

“You’re wrong!”

“My mom says he’s not real, and my mom knows.”

More children gather around. One child swears that his grandmother saw a Jedi. Another child heard that everyone in the Resistance is a Jedi. A third says that his father says that Jedi are immortal. Another adds something about wanting a lightsaber. The first says that his grandmother saw a lightsaber too, and it was so bright she needs glasses now.

The nonbeliever holds her ground. Fists are bared, and it’s a real schoolyard fist fight, and the non-believer, pushed up against a slide, finally recants. The Jedi _are_ real. They Jedi _are_ immortal. Luke Skywalker _lives_.

All the girls want to be the new Jedi. She’s a girl, too. Some of the boys want to be Luke Skywalker, some want to be the First Order ships that chase after the Jedi, shooting. They hold out their fingers and chase the girls yelling “Pyoo! Pyoo! I got you!” But it’s no fun to shoot the Jedi, because the First Order bullets just bounce off Jedi. Everyone knows that. Soon, all of the children are Jedi, and play at moving rocks and mulch and playground equipment. A couple of them can actually do it.

At a dinner party on Chandrilla:  
“And then,” the merchant says, “after they failed to kill him, the troops march into the base, and it’s empty. Thousands of members of resistance, evacuated, in minutes. In a base with no exit.”

“Seems like mighty poor architecture,” a guest chuckles, “to not have a back exit.”

“I heard it firsthand from Lieutenant Freck. It was built into a mountain, and the back had caved in. The troops checked.”

“And he was there?” breathes in another guest, a woman not particularly known for her smarts, her diamonds sparkling in the artificially low light.

“Well, no,” the hostess says. “He’s stationed here on Chandrilla, of course. Delightful man. But he’s a Lieutenant in the First Order, my dear. Do you think he would be making this up?”

The guests agree that no, probably not.

“I’ve heard,” a gentleman with a ruby ring the size of his knuckle, chuckles. “I’ve heard that things are rough at the Imperial Palace. General Hux and Lord Ren have some differences to sort out, it would seem.” He chuckles again.

“Oh my,” a young woman with a jet black tiara and a very high-pitched, nervous voice, says, “My brother’s roommate from university is assistant secretary of the Board of Labor, you know. And right in the middle of a trade meeting, they start sniping at each other. Gallys said it was just horrid. Like listening to divorced parents fight. Everyone was just so uncomfortable. And they do it all the time, I gather.”

“If they were my grandsons,” a woman so old and bent over that her droidservant brings a special high seat for her to sit in, “I would give those boys something to think about.”

Nervous, polite laughter rings around the room, at the thought of insolent adult children in need of a stern grandmother. In the backs of their minds, thousands of escaped Resistance members organize themselves in secret. That’s how adults run things, they think.

 

Whispered through households, offices, trading posts, stories spread. People talk. Stories spread. Somehow, everyone has a friend who has a cousin who was there. Stories spread. Details are added, details slip away. Stories spread. The Resistance is stronger than it ever was, thousands strong, led by immortal Jedi, fighting against incompetent boy leaders more invested in their egos than in running the galaxy.  
Which side would you rather be on?  
Stories spread.

 

 

 

* * *

Aside from the few minutes after her evening check-in with her friends, Rey enjoyed the solitude of her little life on Gledhill. She was used to being alone, so except for when she was being immediately reminded of all that she was missing, she didn’t really mind. And her little home and the sweet forest that surrounded it were like heaven compared to the rough, starving, hot life on Jakku. She woke and washed, ate, walked to the Jedi temple and trained with Master Luke for much of the day, meditated as the sun set, and came back to the cottage for dinner.

She was in contact with someone from the Resistance every day, and she at least got to speak to her friends. Kaydel Ko came, with a young man she didn’t know, every month with more food and supplies, and told Rey news of her friends. They had settled in, and new recruits were coming from around the galaxy. Rey always sent her love to her friends, and gave Kaydel Ko a long hug when it was time for her to depart. Again, that was when she was most lonely.

There was no word from Kylo Ren, no sign of him. She meditated for answers about their connection, and she realized that she had been extremely angry each of the previous times they’d connected, since Snoke’s death. But she hadn’t been angry since her first day on the planet: her little life was too idyllic, too calm. Even Luke seemed happier with her, as she connected with the Light Side of her nature.

One evening, in the third month of her residence on Gledhill, she came back to her cottage, and something wasn’t right.

The woods were silent, but it was greater than that. There was a darkness coming from the house. She stood in the shadows of the woods, watching it, trying to decide a course of action. She had only a single gun on her, and her transmitter was in the house: she had no way to contact her friends in the Resistance, to make sure they were all right. Then, a voice. Run, it said. Run now. But she was frozen in place.

“What is it?” she asked.

_You know._

“Ben,” she said.

_He’s found you._

_Just like he said he would_ , she realized. He’d gotten some intelligence that she was here. She felt hot with rage as she thought through the repercussions. Her friends, whom she had sacrificed everything and risked her life to save, had betrayed her, had left her location wide open to her enemies. Her enemy. And just when she was beginning to feel safe, and like someone cared about her. First her parents had betrayed her. And then Luke had betrayed her. And then Ben had betrayed her. And now the Resistance had betrayed her.

_Run_ , the voice said again, and she did. Slowly, silently, she crept back the way she came, and then when she decided that she was out of earshot she sprinted, and ran all the way back to the abandoned temple, which glowed in the light reflected on the other moons of Gledhill.

She felt hot tears of rage flow down her face as she sat in the dark in this forest she barely knew. She hadn’t been out at night before, and wondered what the predators were, and how she could fight them. She sat on the meditation rock: the thing she had originally taken for an altar, but which was actually a seat drilled way into the ground, where it touched upon layer after layer of life. Luke hadn’t let her near it until she’d formed a deeper understanding of the earth here, of the layers of life that lived below and above ground. But now it was her primary place of meditation.

She tried to keep her emotions even, so as not to open the connection again. She’d grown strong at meditating while here on Gledhill, and that certainly helped. She heard him calling to her but she refused to listen. She kept her eyes closed, and her emotions centered, and ignored that her name was echoing through the woods.

And then she heard the lightsaber behind her.

Rey spoke slowly. “You would attack an unarmed woman mediating?”

There was no response.

“Coward” she said.

“Then fight like a Jedi.”

“No,” she said. “I’m done fighting with you.”

“Who’s the coward, then?”

“You,” she said. She remained calm. “You, always you.”

“I don’t have the dream anymore,” he gloated. “I have a different dream now. Now I kill you, and I wake up happy. You die scared and alone.”

“You don’t scare me,” she said.

His slow footsteps crunched on the broken path, and he walked around her, curving in a broad breadth, until he stood in front of her. He held his lightsaber, ready to fight. She just stared at him with defiant eyes.

“What are you afraid of?” he asked, quietly.

She didn’t reply.

“I want to see fear in your eyes, before I kill you.” He held the lightsaber’s point up to her cheek, and drew a line in the air, from her forehead to her throat. It was so close that she could feel the electricity, little sparks running down her cheek. “Would you be afraid if I scarred your pretty face? If your fighter pilot boyfriend saw you with your face looking like mine—“

“He’s not my boyfriend,” she shot back.

“Well that’s good to hear,” he said. “I’m pretty sure he’s the one who turned you in to my sources.”

“That doesn’t surprise me at all.”

“Would you be afraid if I told you that I knew where your friends were hiding, and that they won’t survive this night?”

She kept her face stoic, her eyes focused straight ahead of her instead of looking at him or his lightsaber.

He disengaged his lightsaber, and drew his face right in front of hers. “What scares you, Rey?”

“You don’t understand, Ben,” she said, simply. “Nothing scares me. I have nothing. I come from nothing. I have nothing to lose.”

“Your life.”

“My life is worth nothing.” Her voice was simple, clear. “I’m nothing. Nobody would miss me. Nobody but you.” Somehow, her last sentence was the most sullen of all.

He took a step back. “Why do you think I would miss you?”

Her eyes flickered up at him, for just a second. “Because your powers are half what they would be with me.”

Out came the lightsaber again. “I think you underestimate my powers,” he said.

Her voice was steady and clear. “You said you wanted me to rule with you. Is that still what you want?”

“I want you dead.”

“Together, side by side?”

The lightsaber pointed right at her chest now.

“If you still want me to help you, I will,” she said, quietly. “By your side.”

He put the lightsaber away again, and circled the rest of the way around her, studying her. He stared at her back now, and asked,  
“You are the coward,” he said softly. “Seconds from death and you desperately try to save your skin by playing the whore. Pathetic.”

“I’m not interested in being a whore,” she said, calmly. “I’m looking for a teacher. This isn’t the first time I’ve asked.”

He thought about that, and put the light saber back. “That’s true.”

“I need a teacher,” she said, again. “A strong teacher, who will teach me the ways of the Force.”

“And so you ask me,” he said, quietly. “Not my mother. Not my uncle. Me. Why?”

She didn’t have an answer that didn’t terrify her.

 

 

 

* * *

She had been sitting cross-legged on top of a rock column of sorts, under a stone roof, in this desecrated once-holy place. He could feel her strength emanating from her as he approached her. Her back was to him, but he could picture her meditating, her eyes closed, back arched, hands on her knees. It was such a pretty picture he almost hated to ruin it.

He should have killed her when he had the chance. She was unprotected, back to him. She had to have felt him. He should have killed her, but he needed to see her eyes again. The hunger for her eyes ate him inside out. And so, in that moment, and he was weak.

And now he had seen them, and he knew that he couldn’t kill her while those steadfast eyes peered into his soul. “Why me?” he asked again.

“Because we were meant to,” she said, simply.

He thought about that. “Were we?” His voice dripped with disdain.

“I saw the future, Ben. I saw us. I know that it’s meant to be.”

He stared at her. What did she mean? ‘Us’? What was ‘us’? He paced around her again. She hadn’t moved an inch since he’d arrived. He walked slowly, waiting for her to expand, but she was silent.

A light started to dawn on the horizon of his thought process. So she was turning herself over to him. “You will return to Coruscant with me,” he said.

“I was hoping to stay here. This place is so strong with the Force, Ben.”

“You will return to Coruscant with me,” he said again.

“No.”

“Alive or dead.” He pulled out his lightsaber again, as he rounded back to face her. Her eyes fluttered open when she heard the sound of the lightsaber, and she studied him.

“I don’t belong on Coruscant,” she said.

“You’ll adjust.”

“Will I be in a jail cell?”

“That depends on your behavior.”

“Is the jail cell my reward for good, or bad behavior?”

He stared at her, trying to suss out her meaning. “I won’t hesitate to kill you if you give me any cause to,” he said. “But you’ll have an apartment that befits your rank.”

“And we’ll study together,” she said, calmly.

“Yes,” he said.

“I’m not,” she started, not sure how to phrase this. “I’m not bedding you,” she said.

“What made you think that was even on the table?” he asked.

“I wasn’t sure. The whore thing.”

He sneered at her, and it looked like he was going to say something. Presumably something cutting and offensive. But he just sneered at her for a minute, and then said “Let’s go.”

“I need to get my things,” she said.

“Hold up your hands,” he said, reaching out with his. She did, and barely had time to register the handcuffs before they were  
snapped on her wrists.

“This isn’t necessary,” she said. “I’m coming willingly.”

“You will be my prisoner until Coruscant,” he said, calmly.

“This is unnecessary,” she said again.

“I’ll be the one to decide that, my young apprentice,” he said.


	7. Chapter 7 - Who made the snow waits where love is

Chapter 7: Who made the snow waits where love is

It was a long, awkward walk back to her cottage. She radiated a sense of calmness that he envied. It was dark, and at one point she stumbled, and went down with a shout.

Instinctively, he pulled his lightsaber out, and began to lunge at her. “It was just a root,” she said. “Wait, were you going to attack me?”

His lightsaber was back in his sheath, and he felt embarrassed. “I don’t know what predators are in these woods,” he said.

“Help me up,” she commanded, and he pulled her up by her arms. His grip was rough, and the spots where his gloved fingers had dug into her arm smarted. She kept her tone even and calm, though. The idea of showing any weakness in front of him was revolting. “I was cautious about that too,” she said, trying her hardest to be amenable. It was damn hard considering how horrified she was by his overreaction. _What have I agreed to?_ she wondered. “But I haven’t seen any. This planet is so idyllic, it seems too good to be true. It makes me expect something bad to happen any day.” 

“I always hated the woods,” Kylo said suddenly, looking around with contempt.

“Who could hate the woods?” she asked, forgetting both her horror and that she was trying to be amenable. She was just so surprised. She could understand hating the desert, of course. Heat and sand and thirst. But the woods? Who could hate the woods? 

Suddenly, she saw a flash, of bonfire and dancing and din, but only for a moment. “What was that?” she asked, feeling her ankle carefully with her fingers. It was hurt, but not twisted.

He didn’t answer.

“It looked like a party,” she said.

He still didn’t answer.

“I’ve never been to a party,” she said, absently, buying time while she fixed her ankle.

“Well, I envy you that,” he said, dryly.

“I bet there are a lot of parties on Corsucant.”

“Many.”

“Do you go to them?”

“Some.”

She sighed, and he looked down at her with a curious glance. She was so good at blocking him that it was like talking to a brick wall half the time, except when he could see her eyes. That sigh sounded wistful. He couldn’t imagine this scrawny girl dressed up in some elaborate evening gown at a Coruscant party, and he couldn’t image she’d honestly have any interest in sipping champagne and making political small talk with the dullest people in the galaxy. Her temper seemed a bit too fiery for politics.

He added, lest she be disappointed, “They’re not like that. That was a festival I had to go to every year as a child. In the woods, on Endor. The indigenous civilization there held a week-long festival every year in honor of my parents. I had to go.”

“I think that sounds like fun,” Rey said.

He shrugged, and showed her another memory, of walking in the woods away from the noise, and a large writhing alien appearing out of nowhere. The vision’s owner screamed and ran, but the monster was bigger, faster, and it grabbed wildly with countless tentacles. It was terrifying, and it and attaching itself to his leg as he screamed in terror. She shuddered, but didn’t say anything.

“I’d like to see a party,” she said, awkwardly, trying to change the subject. “But a nice one.” 

“If you’d like,” he said, lightly.

She wasn’t sure what that meant, or how to respond, so she didn’t.

They walked in silence for a long time after that. 

 

The cottage was dark, and Rey compiled a list of the things she needed before realizing that she didn’t trust Kylo Ren with access to any of them. The Jedi books, Luke’s lightsaber: they were probably safer here. But she had to pack something, so she stood against the wall, her hands still cuffed in front of her, and told him where to find her extra outfit and an old leather satchel. 

“I should send them a message,” she said. “That I’m okay.”

“What guarantee do you have that you’re okay?”

“That I went willingly. That I wasn’t eaten by wild animals.”

“Let them wonder,” he said. “What else do you need?”

“That’s it,” she said. “Just my clothes.”

“We came all the way back here for a few rags?”

She nodded.

“Where’s my saber?”

“Hidden,” she said. “Not here. And not yours. Mine.”

“I want it.”

“It’s mine.”

“I’ll teach you to build your own,” he said

“It called to me. It is mine.”

He studied her resolute face for a moment, feeling the anger curdle up inside him. But he pushed it down. “If I’m your Master, you have to listen to me,” he said.

She laughed, a short bark. “You’re not my Master,” she said.

“I thought you were looking for a teacher. I agreed, against my better judgement. I am your master, and you are my apprentice.”

She opened her mouth, and then her jaw moved in a sideways motion, and then she shut her mouth again. She hadn’t really thought of it like that.

His lips curled. “I bet you hadn’t,” he said.

She felt the anger grow in her chest and move slowly up to her face. But it wasn’t just anger, she recognized. Anger would have been fine. But this was a profound humiliation. It was one thing to turn herself in to the First Order. It was another to be in a situation where she had to supplicate herself to him. 

“Never fear, my lady,” he said, a voice dripping with sarcasm. “I shall respect your honor and ask nothing more than I ask my Knights.”

She blushed. “Well,” she muttered, “how am I supposed to know what you get up to with them?” Brash sarcasm to mask her discomfort.  
He glared at her, and she smiled, sweetly. “That sort of insubordination would get any of them a knock across the face,” he said, drawing closer to her. “The only promise I make about your treatment is that you won’t be violated. Do you understand?” He curled his lip in a sarcastic sneer when he said “violated” that made her want to kill him.

She looked at him as he advanced, coolly, through narrowed eyes. “I will never call you Master,” she said, simply, as though it were a reply.

He was standing right in front of her now, his cold and steady eyes staring into hers. She glared at him, refusing to be scared, wondering what he would do. She steeled herself for a raised fist, or cruel words, but he just sneered at her. “Very well,” he said, and turned, and grabbed the bag. “It’s time we headed back to Coruscant.”

She followed, wondering why he had given up so easily. 

 

“Are these really necessary?” she asked, holding up her cuffed hands as he helped her into his ship.

“I’d prefer to keep my eyes on you,” he said. “Since the seating on this ship doesn’t allow that, some level of incapacitating you seems the second best option. I’ll take them off when we get there. So long as you behave.” 

“Are we going all the way to Coruscant in this thing?”

“No,” he said. “We’ll spend the night on a First Order starship, and—“ 

“What?” she squawked. He was preparing to take off, and she wondered if it was too late for her to jump ship. 

He looked at her, coolly. “There’s a lot about this plan you didn’t think through,” he said. “What, exactly, would your alternative be?”

“You’re taking me to—“

“You are aware that you’re a prisoner of the First Order now, right?”

“Don’t put me back in one of those cells,” she said, panicking. “Please.” 

“I was thinking you could sleep in my chambers,” he said.

“What?” she absolutely screamed. “No!” She kicked the back of his chair. “You said… No, this is not okay—“

As she struggled, she saw that his lips were curled up, again, in something akin to a smile. She stopped. “Are you joking?” she asked, suspiciously.  
He kept grinning.

“I didn’t know you had a sense of humor,” she muttered, leaning back and looking out the window.

“Are you quite finished with your tantrum?” he asked. 

She scowled. That was rich, coming from him.

“We’ll spend the night on the starship, where you will sleep wherever my people put you, and then we will take my personal ship to Coruscant. Any further outbursts?”

“No,” she muttered.

“I fail to understand,” he said coldly, as his craft started to take off, “why you think that you have any bargaining power here.”

 

Rey couldn’t help having an overwhelming sense of dread as they approached the starship, but everything went smoothly. Ren landed his ship, and the cockpit opened to a crowd of Stormtroopers, lined up in neat rows to meet their commander. Ren climbed out of his little ship, and helped Rey out, silently. She didn’t like the gleam in his eye, like he was still laughing at her. Holding her arm in his gloved hand, he directed her towards a small group of Stormtroopers who were standing out of the formation. “Take her to Prisoner Bay A,” he said. His grip tightened as she tensed her entire body. “See that she is treated with the utmost respect and kindness. She won’t cause any trouble. I will be escorting her to Coruscant tomorrow. She should be ready for the transfer at 0800.”

Prisoner Bay A wasn’t quite the prison Rey was expecting. Yes, it seemed to be in the deepest bowels of the ship, and she was escorted past several rounds of guards, but it was some sort of VIP prisoner setup. It was a suite of rooms, with a small sitting room and a smaller bedroom and a neat little refresher with a real shower. The rooms were sparely furnished, but the furniture was soft and a droid was waiting to serve her. It asked what she wanted for dinner, and a few minutes later a dumbwaiter opened in the sitting room, and a rather nice meal appeared. A folded cube of cloth on the bed turned out to be bedclothes, and the droid told her that it would have her clothes cleaned and pressed for the morning. It was probably one of the best night’s sleep she’d ever had. 

The rest of the trip was just as odd. “I’m sorry to have to put these on again,” the Stormtrooper said the next morning, after she’d washed and dressed in her newly-cleaned clothes and been served a hot breakfast with more food than she’d ever eaten in a week back on Jakku. “It’s policy while we walk through the ship.”  
He was apologetic and sweet about the handcuffs, and put them on very carefully, lifting her wrists in the air to peer under them while he adjusted the clasp there. And It was just all so nice, which she had no clue that First Order troops even could be. Kylo was waiting for her next to the ramp of his large, elegant space jet when she was escorted out. He nodded at her curtly, and said “I trust you slept well.” The niceness of this entire prisoner experience was giving her a level of cognitive dissidence that made her head swim. 

On board, she was shown to another bedroom suite, this one done in the black leather and chrome style much appreciated by the First Order. It was elegant and felt expensive, and it seemed like particular care had been taken to make it nice: there was art on the walls, elaborate flower arrangements on the tables, and a sideboard had a tower of bowls holding fruit, nuts, and candy. The Stormtrooper who escorted her on board pointed to the communication panel, urging her to use it if she needed anything, and then he took his leave.

There were no windows, but there was a screen against one wall that showed flight progression. She watched their altitude climb as they took off, and heard the artificial air system click into place. It was a twenty one hour journey, and they wouldn’t arrive until the next morning. Rey sat in the center of the room, in her meditative pose, and called out to Luke, but he didn’t answer. She didn’t blame him. She’d wanted him to bring a message to Leia, but knew the tracking device implanted in her hairline was really her most reliable bet.

Someone dressed in a black First Order uniform brought her lunch, and later an afternoon snack, and finally dinner. As she cleared away the dinner, she said “Supreme Commander Ren would like you to know that we will dock in Coruscant in the early morning hours, and you will disembark for breakfast.”

“Thank you,” Rey said.

“Nightclothes and fresh clothes for the morning are available in the closet. Is there anything else you need?”

Rey thanked her, and went to look at the clothes, curious. Had clothes actually been prepared for her? But the closet seemed to be hung with an assortment of generic black pants and tunics, clearly for the use of whomever used this guest room. Rey wondered exactly how many overnight guests this ship had. She changed into an oversized black shirt, impressed with just how soft it was, and went to sleep on an extremely comfortable bed.

Her clothes were gone the next morning, and she pressed the communication button to ask where they were. The woman who had helped her the previous night came back in, and said that they had been taken for cleaning, and that Rey should choose another outfit. And so it was in a pair of black leggings and a black tunic, both belonging to the First Order, that Rey, her arms free from handcuffs this time, was escorted from the room.

 

Kylo was talking to two men when her attendant brought her to him, and she stood silently, waiting. She saw the blaze of atmosphere through the small windows in the hallway, and knew they were landing soon. “See that it’s done,” Kylo said, and the two men saluted and turned and marched away.

He turned to her, looking her up and down. “What _are_ you wearing?”

“I don’t know where my clothes went,” she mumbled. She had the feeling he was mocking her, somehow.

“They suit you,” he said. He smirked, and added “Black suits you,” and she wanted to scream.

“I’d rather have my old clothes,” she muttered.

“Your old clothes are only suitable for the incinerator,” he said. “You’re in Coruscant, as my guest, and we’ll find you something decent to wear.”

She hated him.

“I trust you slept well?” he asked, and she had a sense of déjà vu.

“Yes, thank you.” And then, without really thinking about it, “And you?”

“Yes, fine, thank you.”

They stood in silence for a minute, just as she felt the craft touch down. “This is it?” she said.

“Coruscant,” he said. “I may be busy for a few days. Let me know if you need anything.”

“All right,” she said. It was like the Storm Trooper: a weird sort of nice that was unfamiliar and uncomfortable. 

Kylo Ren nodded to her again as the ramp to the ship lowered, but didn’t say anything. He marched first, and she followed behind, flanked by five Stormtroopers, all with blasters. Rey looked around, interested. They were on the roof of a very tall building, with a tower that went up even higher. It was jet black, with thin slits of windows, and was quite imposing. 

The landing pad was very windy, and it was all Rey could do to stay upright. A delegation of people stood by a door with an expansive purple and black awning, at attention. Kylo went and spoke to one of the men, indicating her, and then marched into the building. She couldn’t hear what he said over the wind, and the men he was speaking to looked at her in a way that wasn’t entirely friendly. She felt very alone up on this windswept tower.

A small, obsequious man greeted her, and informed her that her room wasn’t quite ready yet. Instead, she was escorted to some sort of library, down long hallways that traversed thousands of years of architectural history. The room she waited in was surprisingly cozy for all its high ceilings and carved stone walls, and the entire wall of glass-fronted bookshelves with what had to be thousands of books. She was brought a tray of little cakes, prettier than any food Rey had ever seen in her life, but so sweet that they hurt her teeth. 

Finally, finally, after what seemed like so many hours, a humanoid woman came to escort Rey to her apartment. The alien shyly introduced herself as Yumkas, and said that she would be there to serve Rey should Rey need anything. What Rey needed was answers to what the hell was going on, but she suspected that Yumkas knew even less than she did, so she didn’t ask.

* * *

“She’s gone,” Kaydel-Ko said through the transmitter.

Leia already knew this, of course. They all did. But it didn’t make the panic in Kaydel-Ko’s voice any less pressing. “That’s what we figured,” Leia said. “Rey is fine.”

“Where is she? Be quiet, I can’t hear the General.” There was a lot of background noise, which Leia assumed was Finn. Smart young man, a font of knowledge about the First Order, a fair amount of the Force in him, and an amazing shot: but not always the calmest and most reliable in a crisis. Which was, of course, how he’d ended up defecting to the Resistance anyway, so Leia couldn’t complain.

“You know that’s classified,” Leia said, calmly. Kaydel-Ko could be relied on in a crisis, but she was still very young and worried about her friend and wasn’t happy with Leia’s explanations about how Rey’s location needed to be kept quiet. “Clear the cottage of any personal belongings, and bring them back here. She won’t be returning to the cottage.”

“Stop it, just stop it!” Kaydel-Ko was saying. “Calm down and I’ll ask. General, Finn wants to know if she’s all right.”

“She’s all right,” Leia said. “Finn, can you hear me? We’ll talk more when you return to the base. Rey is all right, and she’s going to continue to be all right. We’re tracking her very carefully.”

* * *

Rey’s apartment was very First Order, but comfortable in its own way. There was a deep, soft dark grey carpet on the floor, wide windows, a sitting area with several chairs and a sofa, fresh flowers on a low cabinet and on the coffee table, and art hanging on the walls. There was a small dining room, with a long black table and six black chairs, and a small fountain in the middle of the table that was constantly running a small stream of water that hit the different levels of metal with musical notes and created a soft but pretty song. Off the dining area was a little kitchen. There was an office, with a large chrome desk, empty cabinets, and half empty bookshelves. A large bedroom, the centerpiece of which was a big, soft bed piled high with pillows. There was another small sitting area in the bedroom, which Rey wondered at: why wouldn’t she just go sit in the living room? Doors went to a closet, a bathroom, and what appeared to be some sort of third, smaller, sitting room, which had a locked door at the other end. Kriff, how many couches did she need? The closet was a room unto itself, with a wall of shelves and drawers, and a table with a mirror in front of it and a cloth-covered chair, and yet another small sitting area in the middle. So many places to sit.

“Oh we’re late, we’re so late,” Yumkas said, clearly flustered. “I’m supposed to get you ready for dinner.”

“What do I need to do to get ready?” Rey asked, a little concerned that Yumkas was so worried.

“Oh everything,” Yumkas explained. “Clothes, hair, makeup: you can’t go to a state dinner looking like that!” She clapped her hand over her mouth, and then started apologizing profusely.

But Rey laughed. “Maybe I’ll just skip the state dinner,” Rey said.

“Oh you can’t! It’s on your schedule!”

“Well, I don’t have any other clothes. And I don’t have any makeup. But you can try to do my hair, if it will make you feel better,” she said.

It apparently did, slightly, and Rey sat at the table with the mirror while Yumkas fiddled around her, putting Rey’s hair in a very intricate braided contortion. “Oh if only we had just a little bit of lip color,” Yumkas was sighing, just as there was a knock at the door.

Rey was expecting it to be Ben, and she calmed herself to her core. What was he thinking, asking her to a state dinner? What even was a state dinner? Rey assumed they didn’t have them on Jakku. But when she opened the door, a droid politely greeted her andinformed her that he would be taking her to dinner. Rey followed the droid down the hallway, once again wondering what was behind the three other doors in the hallway, past the two armed Stormtroopers who guarded the elevator, down to the first floor, and up another hallway to a small waiting room. A man, young and not bad-looking, stood stiffly in a black First Order dress uniform. He introduced himself with a stiff bow as Major Roeder, saying that he was there to escort Rey to dinner.

“Where is dinner?” Rey asked, cautiously. She tried to peer into his head, and couldn’t find much. He was hungry, and a little annoyed that he’d had to make a detour to this wing of the palace to pick up a guest before going to dinner, when everyone else was going to The Bantha’s Horn for a pre-dinner pint. He hoped the quality of the dinner wine would make up for it. A small and petty part of Rey tried to be indignant, but the rational side of her supposed that she couldn’t fault him for any of those thoughts. Rey vaguely wondered who “everyone else” was.

“In the State Dining Room,” he said, the very vision of courtesy. “Do you still need to get dressed?”

Rey looked down at the black linen shirt and the black leggings she was wearing, and her scuffed brown boots, and figured that this probably wasn’t what one wore to a State Dinner in the State Dining Room. But what choice did she have? “I’m ready,” she said with a smile.

 

The table in the State Dining Room was set for about fifty people, and a waiter led Rey and Major Roeder to two seats near the head. They sat, and Rey looked around at her fellow guests. They all wore dark colors and spoke in serious tones, and Rey felt very much out of place. Major Roeder was a gentleman, and tried to make polite small talk with Rey, but the truth was that she didn’t have much to say. _She’s so dull,_ she heard him think. _Clearly a rube from God knows where. Doesn’t even know how to dress for dinner. I bet her table manners are appalling._ But he kept his face polite, and looked interested when she did say things. She wanted to hate him for his condescension and disdain, but he was right about everything.

Music started, and the sound of chairs scraping backwards filled the hall. Rey stood with everyone else, wondering what was happening, but she probably should have guessed. In marched Supreme Leader Ren, flanked by his knights. Ren strode to the head of the table, bowed his head in some sort of greeting or acknowledgement or something, and everyone sat back down. The knights stood around the perimeter of the room, the way the Praetorian guard had once stood around Snoke. Rey eyed them, suspiciously.

Droids appeared from the walls, each carrying a tray with plates, and Rey found herself with a plate containing an odd little white ball with orange flakes, flanked by some sort of vegetable that was long and green. Part of her wanted to prove Major Roeder right by eating in some appalling kind of manner, but she felt guilty: she wondered why he had been picked to escort her. Maybe it was a punishment, or maybe it was his turn to do something unpleasant, or maybe he was doing someone a favor. But, more importantly, she didn’t want to give Kylo Ren the satisfaction. You’re nothing, he had told her. She picked up her flatware, and tried to copy what everyone else was doing, and it wasn’t particularly elegant, but it got the job done.

There was conversation all around her, and Major Roeder was doing his best to involve her. He was speaking with a man next to him about beach vacations, and Rey pretended to know what they were talking about, adding a couple pertinent comments about the joys of relaxing in the sand, and how cold the ocean could be on some planets. She had experienced both of these things, at least, and tried not to think too much about how wildly different her experiences were with what these men were talking about.

The droids were back, and cleared Rey’s plate, and another plate was set before her. This one had some sort of meat in a brown sauce, with little purple cakes next to it. The cakes were filled with some sort of vegetable, and the whole thing tasted amazing. Rey was so caught up in the food that she barely even noticed whatever everyone around her was droning on about until Major Roeder gave her a slight nudge with his elbow, and she realized that everyone around here was staring at her.

“Sorry?” she said, to nobody in particular.

The woman across from her was peering forwards, speaking to her “I understand that you are a refugee from Jakku.”

“Oh, right,” Rey said, feeling a knot in her throat. “Yes. I’m from Jakku.”

“Such a tragedy,” she said, and people around her nodded solemnly.

“Yes,” Rey agreed.

“I hope that your family came with you?”

The knot tightened. Rey shook her head, and opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She glanced furiously around the table, trying to figure out some sort of mental and emotional way out, and caught Kylo’s eye for the first time that evening. His face was completely blank, and she had no idea what he was thinking or what he thought she should be thinking or saying.

“Well, we’re glad you escaped,” General Roeder said, quickly. “It must have been a fascinating place to grow up. I visited a few times in my university days. But that was a long time ago.” He chuckled.

Rey tried not to wince, but just smiled. Then someone changed the subject to the recently rainy weather, and nobody paid her much attention for the rest of the evening.

 

After dinner was the entertainment. Kylo Ren sat up on a small stage, flanked by two of his knights, while Kretian acrobats did their thing. The entire dinner had been to honor the Kretian delegation, and the food and decoration had been themed around Kretia. Overall, it had been a success, and he hoped that the negotiation of a major land swap would go well the next day. 

He had, of course, kept an eye on his special guest throughout the evening. She was wearing something that looked rather like an oversize men’s shirt, but at least she’d washed her face. He suspected that personal hygiene wasn’t a big thing on Jakku, and he knew that the Resistance fighters tended to be more on the patchouli end things than the soap end. Her hair had been cleaned and brushed, possibly for the first time in her life, and arranged in an elaborate braid that went all around the crown of her head. She only spoke a little, and at one point she looked like she was going to cry. But overall, it seemed to go well.

The acrobats weren’t very good: nothing about the native Kretian body type indicated any sort of agility. They were short, with most of their bodies large, bottle-shaped lumps, and had stubby little legs and long arms. Most of the guests looked politely appalled or completely bored, but he was taken by Rey’s shining face, as she watched. He wondered if there had ever been any sort of entertainment on Jakku. I’d like to see a party, she had said, and he’d been taken aback by both the strange request and the uncharacteristically meek tone. And now she had, and it was apparently everything she’d hoped for.

She turned to look at him, perhaps feeling his eyes on her. And she flashed him the prettiest smile he’d ever seen from her before her face darkened into a glare. He found the smile disarming, but the glare reminded him of all the reasons he’d brought her to Coruscant.


	8. Chapter 8 - Only a few go mad

** Chapter 8: Only a few go mad **

Rey woke up the next morning to the scent of breakfast. She still couldn’t get used to was the way that fresh food smelled The ration packs on Jakku had been engineered for basic nutrition, and to look like fresh food, but taste and flavor and smell had long ago been sacrificed in some laboratory. The Resistance had only been able to stock up on fresh food occasionally, so the priority had been preserved food that kept well: it was a step up from ration packets, but not a big one. The Imperial Palace on Coruscant had a full kitchen, with chefs, and fresh food delivered daily.

Yumkas arranged Rey’s hair while she ate, clucking over the fact that Rey only had one outfit. Rey didn’t much care: she was used to living in only one or two outfits: she liked to keep two, so that she could wear one and let the other air out. And here her clothes were washed every night while she slept in the soft shirt she’d taken from the ship's guest room.

The chime on her door sang again, and she steeled herself, certain that this time it must be Kylo. But when she opened the door, it was only another escort droid, ready to take her someplace else. They went through many miles of hallway and spent absolute ages in the elevator, and she finally came to a very upper story in this absurdly tall tower. The door opened to a small room lined with shelves and cabinets, where a couple women were chatting. “Oh,” one said, looking her up and down. “I totally forgot. You’re here today.”

Rey smiled politely, not sure what else to do or say. The words weren’t friendly, but the tone was even, like the woman was merely stating a fact. “Hi,” Rey said, wondering what _here_ was. Yumkas had said that her schedule merely listed “training.”

The other woman stepped forward and shook Rey’s hand with a polite bow. “Greetings, friend,” she said. “My name is Gaskin. This is Machiko. I gather you’ll be training at the gym today?” Her voice was light and even, almost like a droid’s: there was very little emotion coming through, and her language was stilted and a bit formal.

“Yes,” Rey said. Her real answer was I have no idea, but ‘yes’ seemed like a better bet.

“Unfortunately it won’t be the most interesting day, and we are quite crowded this week, but welcome. Please follow me.” Gaskin walked towards another door, with Machiko and Rey following, making some sort of small talk about the weather. Rey hadn’t been outdoors since the previous morning, so she had nothing to add. They entered a huge, well-appointed gym that took up nearly the entire floor: there were wall-to-ceiling windows looking out over Coruscant on three sides. It was overwhelming, too overwhelming for Rey to even be excited by it. Without really thinking much about the room, Rey went over to a window and looked out over the never-ending city. She was so high that the streets looked like threads below.

“It’s a neat view,” a man said, ambling over. “If you look that way, you can see the Mo’ryn Gardens, the largest park on Coruscant. They light it up at this time of year at night, and it’s pretty amazing to see from this vantage point. You should come up here at night sometime this week and take a look.”

Rey looked where the man pointed, and saw a large green area. Interesting that there was green even here on Coruscant, the never-ending city. She’d never known there was so much green in the galaxy before leaving Jakku, or how much every other planet seemed to treasure and encourage it. 

“I’m Caballero,” the man said with a smile, and Rey shook his hand, and replied with her name. “I’m leading the training today,” he continued. “Now, I know it’s your first day, and I don’t know what sort of training you’ve had, so I want you to take it easy. We do expect you to work hard, but it’s going to take some effort to build up to what your team mates can do. You’ve got fight in you, I can tell. But don’t waste it on impressing us, okay?” 

He had such a disarming smile that Rey couldn’t help but smile back at him. “I understand,” she said.

“Great. Just take it easy, watch the rhythms of everyone else today. We’re rooting for you, kid,” and he balled up his fist and gave Rey a friendly bump on her shoulder. “Okay everyone,” he yelled. “Ten laps and a hundred jumping jacks. Then Machiko and Crites, you start in the sparring station. No head knocks this time, okay? I mean it. That means all of you, okay, Gaskin? Gaskin, Rivka, weights. Mersellis and Guvett, I want to see you doing staff exercises. Ara take Rey over to the sparring station and show her the ropes. It’s her first day, go easy on her, okay?”

There was a round of “Yes, sirs,” and everyone got to work, running around the perimeter of the large room. Rey was used to walking miles a day over sandy dunes, but that was completely different, somehow, from jogging on this hard floor, and she was out of breath by the 5th lap. “No heroes today, Rey! Grab some water.” Caballero yelled, and Rey, annoyed, walked to the middle of the floor and sat in a chair. Caballero handed her a bottle of water, and it was the most refreshing thing she’d ever tasted. 

After everyone else had finished their laps, a man with a deep scar across his neck ambled over to Rey, and gave her a wink. “Hey sweetheart,” he said. “I’m here to show you the ropes.”

Rey narrowed her eyes at him, and opened her mouth with a retort, but Caballero called out “No creeping, Ara.”

Ara’s face crumpled so quickly that Rey had to keep from laughing. “Okay, okay,” he muttered. “Come on. You ever fight with a sword?”

“Yes,” Rey said, still not trusting him.

He was still looking her up and down with a little bit of disdain, and it pissed her off. “Well then,” he said, with a smirk. “Let’s see what you can do. Stand like this. Okay, this is a lunge.” he stepped forward, and pointed his sword at her, and she deflected it quickly. “Hey, not bad,” he said with a smile. “But the parry will be stronger if you stand like this.” He walked around her to stand behind her, and moved her arm so that it was further from her body. “Steady, just like that. Then you lunge forward,” he pushed her arm forward, and she stepped with it. He grinned at her. “Okay, I think you're ready to give this a shot.”

He got back into position, and gave her an infuriating wink, but she tried to stay calm. He lunged, she parried; she lunged, he parried. He got a strike on her, and it stung. The swords were made out of a plastic, designed not to injure, but the hard slap of the blade still hurt. “Come on sweetheart,” he said. “You can do better than this.”

The sweetheart rankled. She sneered at him, and lunged, and he jumped back. “Woah there,” he said. She continued the attack, while he furiously parried, but she was pushing him back, back across the sparring area, until finally he reached the back wall and she finally swung with a strike hard enough to jar his sword out of his hand. She held up her sword, and stroked it across his neck.

But Ara wasn’t done. He bared his teeth, and lunged, his hands out for blood. She knew a moment before he even did it, and dropped her sword, jumping out of the way. He tumbled forwards when his body didn't meet hers, and she used that opportunity to grab him on the back, holding tight around his neck, her knees bent up at his hips. He reached around, trying to rip her off, but she had her elbow around his neck. He tried to pull at that, but she dug the toes of her boots into the back of his knees, and he fell to a kneel.

Somewhere, there was yelling and noise, but Rey didn’t hear. She had her opponent, and she pulled his neck back, his head leaning back so that his eyes were looking right at hers. And they were laughing at her.

“What the hell are you doing?” Caballero was screaming, his face bright red. Rey released Ara, suddenly remembering herself.

“Nice job, sweetheart,” Ara said.

“I won,” Rey told Caballero, simply. “And then he attacked.”

“I know,” Caballero was yelling. “I wasn’t talking to you, girl. But for the love of Force, get off of him. Ara! What the HELL were you thinking, Ara?”

Ara was already standing up, released, dusting off his tunic. Rey’s face burned red with shame. “I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be sorry,” Caballero said to her, calming down a little. “It’s not your fault. I saw the whole thing. Just be glad you don’t have to deal with the paperwork that killing him would have resulted in. Go to the climbing wall. Everyone on to the next station. Ara, what the hell is your problem with the Supreme Leader’s honored guest?”

Ara’s mouth dropped open and his eyes went wide. “Oh,” he said. “That was today?”

“You can explain this one to him,” Caballero said. “I’m out.”

Ara turned her her, and the winking was gone, the sweetheart was gone, all that was left was horror. Rey enjoyed it for a moment, but something about it didn't sit right. “I’m so sorry,” he said, his eyes wide. He reached his hand out towards her, thought better of it, and rubbed his hair instead. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, thanks,” she said, quietly. She didn’t particularly like this attention. She didn’t like her name being allied with Kylo Ren’s. What did it mean to be his “honored guest,” exactly?

Ara was still looking shocked, still talking. “Okay, let me know if you need anything. You fought good. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she said again, wanting this to be over. “Let’s just do the next station.”

* * *

Hux knew about the rumors swirling through the galaxy about Crait, about Rey, about Skywalker. Of course he knew: it was his job to know. Hux knew that power was really about information. Having information, withholding information, giving information to the right person at the right time. A single piece of information could make or break even the greatest army, and Hux had the greatest army of all time under his control. He had informants everywhere, in every sector, reporting to discrete chain of command that ended with him.

He had two problems to solve, and both solutions involved having a good working relationship with the Supreme Leader. One involved finding the girl, and learning what she knew. He suspected that she was spreading some of the rumors, but there was no way to be certain without her. He had a half-formed plan, which was unlike him, but he couldn’t fully form it until he met the girl and figured out what she was capable of, and what he could buy her with. Everyone has a price: Hux knew that, too.

And the second problem was a lot more complicated. The second problem was the Supreme Leader himself.

* * *

“That was fantastic,” Gaskin said, her face glowing. “Nothing makes my day like Ara getting screamed at.”

Rey was still embarrassed about the whole thing.

“You look ashamed,” Mersellis said, in that automatous voice that almost sounded droid-like. “Don’t be. We were all quite pleased to see Ara put in his place. He is, what is the word?”

“A creep,” Gaskin said. 

Rivkah, the third woman who had been in the gym with them, added “He had it coming. Arrogant jackass.”

Rey saw Mersellis and Gaskin exchange glances, and Gaskin smirked. She wondered what that was about.

“So will you be joining us?” Mersellis said.

“For what?” Rey asked, wondering if they meant lunch. She was hungry.

“Forever,” Gaskin laughed. “Are you going to be Mardeth’s replacement?”

“Who’s Mardeth?”

“Poor fool died on Jakku,” Rivka explained. “They didn’t even know he was there when they evacuated.”

“What a way to go,” Gaskin snorted. “On that shitheap of a planet. I went to a bridal shower there once, and the whole thing was just a nightmare. And sentient life forms actually live there. Can you imagine?”

“Usually, when one of us die, it takes Kylo a while to find a replacement,” Mersellis explained. “It’s been about three months?”

“That’s not so bad, Rivkah added. “There aren’t a lot of people out there with any Force training anymore, you know?”

Rey was putting all of the pieces together in her head, looking between Mersellis and Gaskin and Rivkah, and around the locker room, trying to understand what was happening.

“Anyway,” Gaskin said, with a friendly smile. “I hope you’ll at least consider it. You would make a fantastic Knight of Ren. We could use another woman around here, too.”

* * *

“I don’t understand,” Finn said.

“I know,” Leia said patiently. “But you just have to trust Rey.”

“I trust Rey,” Rose said. “But this is crazy. How are we not freaking out that Rey’s been captured by the First Order?”

“Well, we don’t really know what happened,” Leia said. “All that we know is that she went with them. Whether it was a capture or whether it was willing... time will tell.”

“She wouldn’t have gone with them unless she was captured,” Finn said.

Leia rubbed her forehead with her fingertips. “I’m trusting you with this sensitive information because I know that she’s your friend. But you just have to trust her. And you can not talk about this with anyone else. Do you understand?”

Finn, Kaydel Ko, and Rose all nodded, but none of them were particularly calmed down, and when Leia left, Kaydel said “I don’t like this.”

Finn and Rose looked at eachother. Kaydel Ko was the heir apparent to General Organa: a stoic realist who could always be counted to keep calm in a crisis. If she thought that something was wrong, then something really had to be wrong.

“What do we do?” Finn asked.

“We could go to Coruscant,” Rose said.

Kaydel Ko gave her a withering glare. “No more playing cowboy, please.”

Rose colored a little. “So then what?”

“I don’t know,” Kaydel Ko replied, neatly. “We’ll have to think about that.” She pursed her lips, primly. “I don’t like this at all,” she repeated.

* * *

The droid escorted Rey back to her apartment for lunch. Rey’s head was still reeling. She had been training with the Knights of Ren all morning. She was, perhaps, joining them? Or expected to? She wanted to ask Kylo what was going on, but didn’t want to talk to him, didn’t want to be the one to call out to him.

She would be lying to herself if she claimed that it hadn’t occurred to her, when she first got to the training room. But all those friendly faces, friendly conversations. She’d brushed the thought out of her mind within a few minutes. She couldn’t clearly explain her assumptions about what the Knights of Ren were like, but she expected something significantly more sinister. They weren’t sinister, at all. Even Ara was more a creep than he was sinister.

Yumkas greeted her at the door, clearly excited. “Wait until you see,” she said. “The things I ordered arrived.” She led Rey into her closet, which was now full of hanging clothes. “I had to guess your size, but I had a general idea. Anything that doesn’t fit, we can bring back to the store. But, heavens, child, you need a shower first. No store would take back anything that smelled the way you do now. I take it that it was a good workout?”

Rey agreed, and followed Yumkas’ instructions. Her maid hadn’t just bought clothes: the ‘fresher counter was covered with bottles and jars and little bags, and Rey was both appalled and curious. Yumkas got to work right away, and poor Rey spent the next hour being cleaned and primped. She was brushed all over with some sort of sandpaper (“exfoliating paper,” Yumkas had clarified every time Rey mentioned the sandpaper), lotions were rubbed into her, and something was done to her nails. Something was rubbed into her hair, which was then put up in a braid that went around her head. And then Yumkas actually spread makeup across her face: red lips, pink cheeks, gold above her eyes. That took forever, and made Rey feel quite uncomfortable, but she endured. 

Lunch was almost cold by the time Rey was done being primped, but it was amazing enough to be worth the wait: some sort of meat and fluffy white side, sprinkled with flower petals, and served with a chocolatey fudge desert. Yumkas offered to turn on the Holo while Rey was eating, and Rey agreed. She quickly regretted it, because watching the holo meant watching Kylo Ren giving a speech about establishing peace and prosperity throughout the galaxy. It was all a little galling, and made her feel a little ill, to think of how many people had to die for his ironic version of peace.

After lunch, Rey rested for a bit, but was interrupted from her meditation by that infernal droid again. “Where am I going now?” she asked. She was tired.

“Some sort of tour of the sights of Coruscant,” Yumkas said, with a shrug. “It’s on the schedule.” That was clearly her answer for everything.

The droid brought Rey down to the street. How odd to think that Coruscant, whose towers reach the clouds, even had streets. She came to the city on a rooftop, and her views so far had all been looking over towers. It was the first time she’d been outside since she arrived, and the air was thick and dirty and hurt her lungs. A large ground transport was waiting for them: black, with blackened windows. A woman held a door open to Rey, and bowed slightly as Rey climbed on.

The tour was rather boring. Rey could wander around an open area in the transport, looking out the dusky windows. There were two guards in the transport with her, standing in front of the window between her and the driver. And there was a guide: an older woman who got very excited about columns and windows, and told Rey all about the history of Coruscant and the various architectural styles and where they came from and why they were there. Rey nodded politely.

Finally, after what seemed like absolute days, they went back to the Imperial Palace, and Rey was ready to just go to sleep. But there was Yumkas with a dress, of all things, and a seriously sinister look on her face. That turned out to be because she had the next 90 minutes of primping and dressing Rey all planned out, and Rey was certain she was in hell. There was another State Dinner that night, and this time she was escorted by a Lieutenant Didier. Rey pointedly refused to even look at Ren. Or the Knights of Ren, who once again stood around the perimeter of the room.

Every day went like that, for a week. In the morning, she trained with the Knights of Ren. She couldn’t stand to think of them as such: they were friendly and welcoming, and she learned about their families and their friends and what they did for fun, and it was horrible that they were all so human. Then she returned to her apartment for lunch and to change, and then was escorted on trips around the city. She went shopping for more clothes the second day, and was driven to a series of stores where people and animals and droids waited on her, allowing her to pick out whatever she wanted to wear. On the third day, she went to a park filled with flowers. Children played while their parents or droids watched them, people made music along the paths, and the day was sunny and glorious. Rey had never seen a whole area of land set aside just to be pretty, and she breathed in the scents of the flowers and felt the soft sunlight and watched happy children running and playing in the green grass. On the fourth day, she was taken to a theater where a beautiful humanoid sang while an entire orchestra behind her made beautiful music. On the fifth day, she was taken to a university, where a lab was responsible for inventing things. Scientists showed her a new material they were working on: it was supposed to be a glue, but it was like a sticky dough that could be molded and bounced and she and some of the younger scientists had a lovely time playing with it. She went to an animal menagerie the following day, seeing rare creatures from around the galaxy, and on the day after to a factory that made beautiful glass sculptures.

After the daily outing, she went back to her apartment, and changed yet again. There were important dinners that she dressed up for and was escorted to by a different member of the military each time on most nights, but on a few nights she ate alone. It was nice, on those quiet nights, to just relax. She knew about News Holos, of course, but it had never occurred to her that Holos could be used for entertainment. Yumkas showed her how to set up the programming so she could watch anything she wanted, and explained to her that these things weren’t real, they were stories that were being acted by people called actors. People whose entire job was to pretend to be someone else, so that Rey could watch them. There were stories that made her laugh, and stories that made her cry, and scary stories. She watched one called Heart of Jakku about a poor girl on Jakku who met an Imperial General right before the Battle of Jakku, and they fell in love. It was quite sad, because they both died at the end, and Rey cried.

She only saw Kylo at dinner, and he didn’t make any attempt to talk to her. She caught him looking at her a few times, and tried to glare at him, but he always looked away quickly. She could feel him, though. Sometimes very close. One night she woke up, and swore he was in the room with her, but she sat up and switched on the light and there was nobody. 

The entire boring, banal week was driving her up a wall, but there was no way she was going to let Kylo know that through their Force connection. But boy did she have words she wanted to say to him when she finally saw him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading so far! In the next chapter, Rey ends up on a date with Hux, and Ben doesn't like that very much. Please feel free to leave a comment with any feedback or constructive criticism!


	9. Chapter 9 - The sky moves in its whiteness

**Chapter 9: The sky moves in its whiteness**

On her 7th night on Coruscant, there was a gala. Rey had a new dress delivered that morning, which Yumkas said was one of the things she’d been shopping for. It had all been a blur, and Rey barely remembered. It was black lace over a red satin, held up by a single string that went around her neck. She had special underwear that was too tight to breathe comfortably in, but gave her curves and cleavage she didn't naturally have. There were black satin gloves that went over her elbows, and red shoes. The dress was so tight that it was hard for her to walk in it, but at least the fabric had enough stretch that she could sit down while Yumkas did her hair and makeup. When she was done, Rey barely recognized herself.

That night, a tall man with pale skin and red hair was waiting for her in the salon where she met her escorts. “Ah,” he said, with a smile that bordered on a sneer. “I thought it would be you. You’re the scavenger.”

That stopped Rey in her tracks.

“Allow me to introduce myself. I am General Armitage Hux.”

“What sort of sick joke is this?” she said, before she could even really think. She clamped her mouth shut quickly, embarrassed. She really hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

General Hux stared at her. “Indeed,” he said, after a moment.

She tried to pry into his mind to see what he knew, to see what he was thinking, but it was a brick wall. He certainly knew how to keep his emotions secure. All she could see was blank space, dark as a moonless Jakku night.

“Are you ready?” he asked. 

“Yes, thank you,” she said, following him out of the room and down the hallway. It was quiet and awkward and Rey was pissed to be in this position. “So who gets chosen to escort me to these things, and why?” she asked, impulsively.

“I’ve chosen them,” he said.

“So it was your idea to escort me tonight?”

“I admit to being a bit slow on the uptake,” he said, with a nod. His voice was strangely light, and she got the distinct impression that he was mocking her. “I didn’t realize who the Supreme Leader’s esteemed guest was until today. It’s not uncommon for low-level dignitaries to visit us in some sort of official capacity, and to need escorts to state events. I had no reason to think that this situation was any different.”

When he didn’t continue, she asked “Who told you?”

“It’s _is_ uncommon,” he said, dryly, “for these visiting dignitaries to be housed in the imperial family’s apartment complex.” Rey felt her throat tighten. That certainly explained a lot. “Usually, you understand, they are younger sons or distant cousins of ruling families who are here on some sort of official business, and First Order leadership finds it politically expedient to show them certain honors that their own status or wealth does not allow them to purchase themselves." He paused, and then added, "There are guest apartments on a lower floor.”

He stopped again, and Rey had no more questions. At least, no more questions that she wanted to ask him.

“And so,” he continued after a few moments of silence, “I was naturally curious to find out who the honored guest was, when I happened to find out who my troops were guarding on the imperial family's floor. And you can hardly blame me for wanting to meet her in the flesh. Your reputation precedes you, Scavenger.”

“Huh,” was all she said. She was still processing the part about being in an imperial family apartment. 

They were in the last stretch of hallway to the ballroom, and she practically had to run to keep up with his pace. That was hard in the strangely shaped shoes that Yumkas had selected for her, let alone the dress that she couldn't breathe in. But he stopped suddenly right outside the ballroom, and held out his elbow. She knew how this worked by now, so she looped her hand through it, and they entered together. She held her head high, confident and calm. 

The room was crowded with people and with couples, and there was an orchestra playing and people in beautiful clothing dancing. A table the length of an entire wall was piled high with food, and Rey was sick thinking about how many people across the galaxy were starving while this food sat, untouched. 

She was getting to know the officers and their significant others by now, and found herself with slightly more to say. It was funny how things she knew about could be spun so that they fit into conversations here, like the conversation about sand and ocean on the first night. She didn’t know a lot about the galaxy, but she did know an awful lot about flying, about mechanics, about politics on the Outer Rim, about the Battle of Jakku, and about the design and engineering of old Star Destroyers. It was kind of amazing how often those topics could be used in ongoing conversations, at least among members of the First Order military.

After some small talk, Hux escorted her to get some food, and again Rey was blown away by the excesses of the First Order. Everything was small and beautiful, and there was probably enough food to feed the entire planet of Jakku for a week spread along this one wall. Hux escorted her back to a table and they sat in very awkward silence. He had such a sour face, like he was always sucking on a lemon. “How’s your date with the infamous Scavenger going?” she asked, playfully, because she just couldn’t stand staring at that sour face one more minute. “Everything you hoped for?”

He eyed her with a certain amount of contempt.

“Too soon?”

“I admit that you’re not quite what I expected.”

She smiled, coyly. “What did you expect, General?”

He smiled back at her, his lips thin and oddly pale. “Let’s just say that when I hear that someone from an Outer Rim planet, with no military or Force training, has killed our Supreme Leader and all of his elite guards, while incapacitating the Supreme Leader’s chosen apprentice, I perhaps wasn’t expecting someone who looks like you.” 

“Huh,” Rey said, as she popped another star-shaped pastry in her mouth. It was cheesy and warm with just a hint of delicate spices, and she could happily sit here eating these all night. Of course that was the story Kylo had told: what else could he have done? It hadn’t really occurred to her until just now, but obviously he couldn’t admit to having killed Snoke. He’d blamed her, and said that she’d attacked him, too. 

Hux was eyeing her. “At least, that’s the official story.”

“It’s about right,” she said, shrugging. She swallowed, and picked up another pastry. 

“How convenient that you’ve returned.”

“It wasn’t entirely my choice,” she said, popping the pastry in her mouth.

“Someone with your track record could certainly escape if she wanted to.”

“Maybe the time isn’t right.”

“It seems more likely that you felt the time was right to return.”

“Ah,” she said, working it out. “You think that Kylo and I worked together to kill Snoke so that we could take over the galaxy.”

“Please be so kind as to not presume what I am thinking.”

“I can assure you, General, that few things terrify me as much as Kylo Ren being in charge of the galaxy. I promise that is not a situation that I willingly set up.”

He didn’t say anything. He was smart, she gave him credit for that. He knew when to keep his mouth shut.

“When I left Snoke’s ship, I thought that Kylo Ren was dead.”

Hux had gone back to having the face of a sour lemon. There was a long period of silence. Rey wanted more food, but it seemed an inopportune time. Finally, and it was like he was a serpent trying to hiss out words without strangling himself on his own tongue, Hux said “So why are you here?”

She shrugged. “I was laying low on a planet somewhere, without any working weapons, and he found me, and and said he could either kill me, or teach me. What choice did I have?”

“I see.” Rey suspected that Hux didn’t see at all.

She continued, her tone calm and quiet and collected, as though telling a simple story honestly. “Right now, we’re at a stalemate. He wants me to join his Knights, or maybe even something more, and I simply want him to keep me alive. I’m not here to kill anyone, I’m not here as some sort of Resistance plot. I’m just here to stay alive. And that’s why I haven’t escaped yet. I don’t really have anyplace else to go right now.”

He was studying her. Too see if she was telling the truth? Maybe knowing that she was, but trying to determine how she felt about it?”

She smiled at him. She’d learned this game long ago. Coruscant wasn't so different from Jakku, really. She was a fighter, a survivor, and not all battles could be won through physical violence. Some had to be won with charm. She owed her life to a little bit of flirting and an occasional kiss as much as to her ability with her staff. “And now I’m being wined and dined and set up on all sorts of unlikely dates. Which is really quite odd. Don’t you find this a very odd situation? The first night I was brought to meet some officer and I thought I was supposed to be, like, a whore or something. Luckily for everyone that wasn’t the case, because holy shit would I have brought the First Order down with a single blow. That’s not a threat,” she added quickly.

“I know,” he said.

“And now I’m on a date with someone who wants to kill me. Thank God I’m not expected to sleep with you. I’m guessing he’d kill you if you even tried. But no matter, this whole setup is odd. It’s not really how I saw my life going.”

He was eyeing her now, but with a look of the barest amusement. She’d take it. She continued. “I look forward to hearing whatever his batshit plan is, though. How big a tantrum will he have if I say no to whatever it is, do you think? Should I warn you, so you can protect your troops, General?”

“I’d probably appreciate it,” he said. He was definitely amused now. 

She smiled back at him, equally amused by their predicament. Well, even more so, but she'd only display the equal amount. _We're in this ridiculous situation with that ridiculous man together_ , her eyes told him. “Look, I can’t promise a lot, because I’m here to stay alive and not much more. But I’m not going to be his Supreme Leaderess. I’ll be gone long before then. I _can_ promise you that. Escort me to get some more food?”

He stared at her, and then stood up, and walked back to the food table with her. “Honestly, if the food keeps up like this, he could probably recruit me for pretty much anything. Have you tried these star things?”

“I haven’t,” Hux said. “But I will.”

She took her fill, and they went back to the table. “So where are you from?” she asked, happy to start the conversation on a direction that wasn’t about her.

“Coruscant,” he said.

“It seems like a lovely place. I went to a park the other day. There were flowers everywhere, and people walking, saw lots of little children playing. There was music. It was nice. There weren’t any parks where I grew up.”

“It was a pleasant place to grow up, yes,” he agreed. She asked him about schools and gardens and kept him engaged in conversation as best she could. She was surprised at how easily the conversation started to flow, after a bit of practice: she wasn’t the best at small talk, and neither was he, but they managed to talk about all manner of completely inconsequential things. “Would you care to dance?” he asked.

“I don’t know how to,” she said. “But thank you.”

“Oh it’s easy,” he said. “This is a Cardivian Walz. Have you ever met a Cardivian?”

“I don’t think so.”

“There’s not a less graceful creature in the universe. The only way to mess up a Cardivian Walz is to not have any feet. Or arms.”

She smiled, and he explained the steps by having his fingers sashay across the table, and then they headed out on the dance floor, and it was actually fun. He whispered gossip about some of the other party guests in her ear, and most of it was quite funny.

Lord, if you had told her a month ago that she would be laughing and waltzing with the General of the First Order’s naval fleet, she would have thought you were completely crazy.

The dance ended, and they started off the dance floor. Rey was still giggling over Hux’s description of another couple as “a giant peacock dancing with a hungry gerbil,” and there was Kylo. He didn’t look happy.

“Supreme Commander,” Hux said, coldly. He gave a nod.

“Oh, hello,” Rey said, trying to stay calm. 

He ignored Hux entirely, and just stared down Rey with a glacially cold look that made the fire in her eyes burn even brighter. “We need to talk,” he said, reaching for her arm.

“Don’t touch me,” she said, shaking him off. So he put his hand on her back and all but pushed her out into a back hallway.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he hissed.

“What do you mean?”

“That man has a bounty on your head worth more than anything you can imagine. He was loyal to Snoke. More loyal than he is to me.”

“I sincerely doubt that he has any loyalty to you,” she said, honestly.

He was trying to pry into her mind, but she wasn’t having it. Their eyes locked, and they regarded each other for a long pause, each waiting for the other to be the one to break the silence. It was Kylo, of course. “What have you told him?”

“Ah,” she said, her eyes alight in recognition of what he was afraid of.

“What have you told him?” Kylo asked again, angrier.

She smiled at him, her lips thin and smug. 

“Goddamnit, Rey, what did you tell him?” he shouted, punching the wall next to her face.

She was surprised at just how contemptuous of him she was right at that moment. She concentrated on her breathing, trying to center herself before she lost her temper with him. “What am I doing here, Ben?”

“What did you tell him?”

“Why am I here?” The anger was rising now that she was speaking: it was harder to stay meditative. “What is my role here?” 

“What did you tell him?”

Every time he didn’t answer, she became even angrier. “Why am I living in the imperial family’s appartment, training with your Knights, being brought around the city like a child, and why do I have to attend fancy dinners as your officers’ dates? What am I doing here?”

Kylo took a deep breath. “I need to know what you told him.”

“I thought I was here for you to teach me, but I haven’t seen you at all. I can’t tell if I’m a prisoner or a guest, but I certainly don’t seem to be learning anything.”

“Did he ask about Snoke at all?”

“Yes of course he did. He’s frothing at the mouth to have something over you. And I’ll sleep with him tonight if you don’t give me—“

He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her against the wall she was standing against. 

She continued, unperturbed “—any answers.” His fingers dug into her shoulders and it hurt an awful lot, but she had no intention of letting him know that. “Now let go of me.”

“Not until you tell me what you’ve said to him.”

It was easy to get angry at him, at the way he distrusted her, the way he was manhandling her, the way he was treating her like some caged exotic animal. It was easy to remember everything he’d done: the way he’d let her friends die as she pleaded with him to save them, that he’d murdered his father and would kill his mother if he had the chance. Rey summoned up every ounce of anger she could muster, and looked him straight in the eye, and pushed, pushed against him with all of her might. He didn’t see it coming, and he flew back, slamming against the opposite wall of the hallway. Her shoulders smarted from where his fingers had been digging in. “I told you not to touch me,” she said, straightening up her dress, and she went back into the ballroom. “I told him I killed Snoke and thought you were dead when I left,” she called over her shoulder. “Don’t touch me again.”

“Everything all right?” Hux asked, as she sat back down at the table next to him.

“Just fine,” she said, trying to smile, but feeling her grumpiness leak out. “Would you like to dance again?”

*

Before she’d met him, Rey had many opinions about First Order General Armitage Hux, and absolutely none of them involved him being funny or charming. But he was. His sense of humor was very dry, and once Rey figured out that most of what he was saying was sarcastic, she couldn’t stop laughing. He clearly made a habit of gathering information, and so he had something to say about nearly everyone in the room. Rey spent most of the night giggling, and feeling ridiculous for giggling.

The party was winding down by the time he escorted her back to her droid, and she was exhausted. “Thank you for everything,” she said.

“The pleasure is all mine,” he said, with a gracious bow. “Thank you for being such a charming date.”

“Not what you expected?”

He smiled. “Not at all.”

She batted her eyelashes a little and said “Will you kiss me good night?”

She reached up a little, and he reached down, and they met at the mouth: a gentle press of the lips, and she opened her mouth and let his tongue in. It was soft and cool against hers: much more pleasant than any other kiss she’d ever had, certainly. She opened herself up to Ben, even called him in her mind, so that he could witness this. It was petty, but she was still angry at him. She felt his jealousy roll over her like a wave, and tried not to shudder at its ferocity.

“That probably shouldn’t have happened,” she said, when he had let her go, stepping back, slightly awkwardly.

“We shall never speak of it again,” Hux said, with a wink.

She followed the droid back up to her room, feeling lightheaded by what she’d just done. She was exhausted but happy, and too annoyed with Ben to care much about him at all. Which is probably why she didn’t feel him when she got back to her room, tired and distracted and feeling a little smug for having the General of the First Order wrapped around her finger. She was also more than a little eager to take off this ridiculous dress, and put on something more comfortable.

She did feel him before he grabbed her, but only a second before: there was no time to deflect, no time to duck, no time to think. She opened the door and took a single step through, and he grabbed her arm, pulling her the rest of the way into the room and slamming the door behind her. He pressed her up against the back of the door, holding her arms so tightly that it took all of her energy not to let him know the pain. She could feel the anger radiating off him. His face was only a few inches from hers, his palms flat against her upper arms, pressing them to the door, his fingertips pressing into the back of her arms with all of his anger and rage, and she thought that he might snap her bones.

 _I want to see the fear in your eyes before I kill you_ , he had said, once, and so she wasn’t ever going to show him any fear. She just glared right back at him, hating him as best she could. He was staring into her eyes, looking for something, but she only showed him contempt and loathing. Not pain, not fear, not anticipation of whatever he might be about to do to her. _I can take whatever I want_ , he’d said, and though he hadn’t touched her, the implication was clear. She walled those memories off, refusing to ever let him see them.

And then his head came down, and his lips met hers. At first she thought he was going to smash his head against hers (it didn’t make sense in retrospect, but when someone is holding you down with their hands, what other weapons can they use?), and she was confused that only their lips met. He didn’t let that confusion last for long, and her surprise made her more malleable than she might have wanted. The kiss was not gentle. It was an angry, starving search for something, and she wasn’t sure what he wanted her to give. She debated pushing him away again, because she knew she could. But something in her chest wouldn’t let her, something in the way her heart was beating and her body and brain and soul were trying to prove to him that she could fight back. She could fight him with a lightsaber and she could fight him with her mouth and somehow it was all the same thing right here and now. It was violent, primal, desperate, and she could fight just as brutally as he could, and so she did. 

His hands loosened from her arms and one slid around the base of her back, the other reaching up through her hair, and her arms reached up around his neck, and he lifted her up, pulling her up into him. She could feel the hardness in his groin pressing into her, and her eyes flew open for a moment with the recognition of what it was, but she couldn’t stop kissing him, she couldn’t and wouldn’t lose this battle. They took a few stumbling steps together, each trying to keep up with the other, and he was leaning over her, holding her up in one arm while the other held her hair, running his fingers through what had been an elegant arrangement just a few minutes earlier. Her hands were on his cheeks, the fingers on her left hand feeling his scar, both hands helping her mouth press forwards, into him. It was a battle neither could win but neither was willing to lose.

Finally, he pulled his mouth away, still staring down at her with eyes full of fiery rage. Her fists balled, and went to his chest, where she could feel his heart racing. She looked up at him, trying to remember how to put contempt back in her eyes, and succeeding, a little. “You are not to kiss him again, do you understand?” he rumbled.

“You can’t tell me what to do,” she said, and it came out a slight, wavering, whisper that she wanted to wince at.

His face managed to look angrier, his eyes, even darker and hungrier. And then he did something wholly unexpected: still leaning over her, still holding her arched back, he dropped her. He just took his arms away, and watched her stunned face. She fell to the floor with a yelp, and he turned his back and walked a few steps away, towards the wall.

She sat on the floor for a minute, trying to decide what to do, and then decided that her dignity would only allow one thing. “I told you not to touch me,” she said. She got up, and walked into her bedroom, closing the door and locking it behind her. She expected him to break through, so she waited a while before changing, because the last thing she wanted to do was face him in nightclothes, but all was quiet. After a while, she went to shower and change, and she went to bed.

* * *

“Lord Ren,” Ara said, nodding his head as he laced up his boots. “Haven’t seen you lately.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“I bet. Well, it’s good to see you. Your new recruit’s a spitfire, isn’t she?”

“Caballero says she’s doing well.”

Ara snorted, and Kylo regarded him with a mild surprise.

“Everything all right?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s just that it’s hard not to do well when he’s making us handle her with kid gloves.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look, it’s none of my business. But it seems to me that when Lord Ren finds a pretty girl on some Godforsaken backwater, dresses her up like a doll to attend state events, installs her in the apartment next to his, and has her escorted up to training every day to play Knight, then maybe it’s occurred to the rest of us that he’d be pissed if we messed up that pretty little face.”

Kylo stared at the wall for a moment, flexing his fist. “You’re right, it is none of your business. I expect my Knights to be better than to listen to kitchen gossip, Ara. I don’t know who is spreading these stories, but I promise you that whether her face is ‘pretty’ or not has nothing to do with her reasons for being here. She is a powerful Force user, and she is here to train as hard as any of the rest of you.”

Ara smirked, but nodded, and said “Yes, Lord Ren. I understand.”

*

Rey was late. Yumkas had been annoyed that Rey hadn’t washed off her makeup the night before, and that her hair hadn’t been brushed and braided before bed. Rey had to sit while Yumkas cleaned her, and brushed her hair, and put it in two simple braids that looped around the top of her head.

By the time she got to the training gym, everyone else was already running laps, and it took her a moment to notice that Kylo stood in the middle of the room, talking to Caballero. “You’re late, Rey,” Caballero said. “Get in there.” Rey nodded, refusing to look at Kylo, and joined in on the final laps. It had been a week, and she could now do about six laps before her legs gave out, so she was pleased to not have to duck out in front of Kylo. The idea of showing him any weakness was agonizing.

There were only three laps left, and then they started their floor exercises. The tone of the room was different today: everyone was more serious, was working harder. Rey still refused to even look at Kylo.

“You,” he snapped, pointing right at her. “Grab your sparring gear. Now. Everyone else, Caballero will give your assignments.”

She wanted to snarl at him for the tone, but this wasn’t the place. Kylo Ren was the leader of the Knights of Ren, and they all followed his orders. They were friendly with him, and joked, but there was still a divide in the hierarchy, and even their friendliness and jokes were marred by a certain careful politeness that they hadn't shown yesterday.

She suited up as slowly as she could get away with, and met him on the training floor. She’d been training with the Knights for a week, so she knew more or less what to expect, and she prepared herself for the battle. But her preparations weren’t enough. There was no fun, no camaraderie in the way he looked at her: he was genuinely brutal. He snarled and lunged and it was all she could do to jump out of the way. She tried to keep up, but he kept one step ahead of her. Even worse, his hits hurt. As a general rule, the Knights sparred to avoid pain and bruising. But every hit Kylo made, he made with a vengeance. They fought on the floor for best out of three, and he bested her twice. It was humiliating.

“You have serious work to do,” he snarled.

She glared at him, hating him. She could feel the discomfort in the room hanging heavily, but she couldn’t tell how much was just because Kylo was there, and how much was because of the way he was treating her. She went to get some water, and Gaskin was there, and placed her hand gently on Rey’s arm. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” Rey said, simply. _I kissed that general_ , she thought.

Then Kylo led them in training exercises, and it got even worse. He called out instructions, always making sure that Rey had to do more than anyone else. Any level weight everyone used, he ordered she use twice as much. And he snarled at her with such an angry tone. She refused to let it phase her, and refused to make eye contact. She wouldn’t show him any pain, any weakness. 

She was mortified to see the other Knights exchange glances with each other. She didn’t need their concern or pity, and she didn’t need them gossiping about her. “You’re being a little hard on the new kid,” Crites said, and Kylo sent him flying across the room without even looking at him.

Finally, they sparred with a new tool that Rey had never seen before: some sort of stick, about eighteen inches long, with a chain, and ball at the end of the chain. He called it a flail, and that was the worst of all. She was already exhausted, bruised, embarrassed. She wanted this to be like a staff, because she knew how to use a staff better than any other weapon, but it was completely different. He swung it right at her, and she ducked, but managed to duck right into his fist. She tried to wave the flail at him, but it didn’t do much. It would require a certain snap of the wrist, she could tell, and it would take practice to learn the tricks behind it effectively. Clearly, however, there was not going to be time to get that practice right now. 

He got a direct hit on her head, and her ears rang. The whole sparring weapon was made of some sort of rubber, and not designed to maim or kill, but it certainly hurt when used so aggressively. He dove at her, and she had no idea how to deflect. She tried to use her own flail as a sword of sorts, but it was too short to parry with. She tried to use her arms and her elbows, knowing that it was wrong and would be a death wish in an actual battle, but she didn’t have any other options to keep the flail from her face and her head. The hits might not be fatal, but they would certainly be less painful and easier to heal if the weapon only hit her arms. 

She was running out of options, and he was backing her up the sparring area, towards the half-wall that encircled the boundaries of this particular area of the training gym. Her flail was useless (flail was a good name for it), her arms were too short to reach him. She tried a kick, raising her leg up to get him somewhere in the stomach or groin area: the latter would be better, but she wasn’t going to be picky right now. He wasn’t cowed or surprised, though: he just grabbed her ankle, and for a split second they stood there, and she knew that it was over. She’d lost. She glared at him, at the triumph in the eyes on his otherwise grim face. And then, with a sudden jerk, he yanked her leg, and she fell backwards.

She braced herself to land flat on the mat but instead the back of her head hit the edge of the half wall, making a loud noise that reverberated throughout the room. A sharp pain ran through Rey’s ears as her head all but bounced, ricocheting forwards, her chin slamming into her chest and then bouncing back, hitting the wall again. Her body slumped forwards, down to the ground. He stepped back with a sharp breath, and Rey knelt, her forehead resting on the ground, and it was all over. 

He stood over her, and she could hear his heavy breathing. She braced herself for him to inflict the one final lash that would indicate _You’re dead,_ but it never came. He took one last deep breath and called out to the room, “Okay, everyone. I think that’s enough for today. Good job. Towel off and go get some lunch.”

Rey stood up, carefully, every joint and muscle crying out in agony, her head swimming with profound pain, and walked towards the locker room. She didn’t stop, though. She just kept walking, to the elevator. Her escort droid was waiting at the bottom of the elevator, but she walked past it. It caught up with her, but she wasn’t even paying attention. She knew the route. She kept walking until she was back in her apartment, and she went straight to her shower. She undressed, and put her hand up to her head and pulled it away covered in her blood. She was already so tired and sore, but doubted that she’d be able to even move tomorrow. She stood under the hot shower for as long as she could stand it, and then stumbled over to her bed, still wrapped in a towel, and collapsed. 

*

Yumkas bustled in, cheerily asking if Rey had ordered lunch yet, and Rey was too exhausted to even move. “You poor child, are you ill?”

“No,” Rey rasped. “Just tired. Hard training session.”

“Well get up and get dressed. Lunch is here, and you’re going to the Aquarium today.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“Come on, come on,” Yumkas bustled. “It’s too late to cancel this excursion, but I’ll say that you’re too ill for dinner.”

That seemed like a decent enough compromise. Rey groaned and sat up, and let Yumkas dress her. She went through the motions of enjoying the Aquarium, but had a pounding headache and was in a sour mood. As soon as she got back to her apartment, she changed into her nightshirt and collapsed into the bed. She needed all the rest she could get before training tomorrow, if Kylo came again. Finally, finally, Yumkas left, and Rey lay in bed, feeling stiff and sore, her stomach hurting and her head pounding, and trying to sleep.

Her door chime rang, and she felt out through the force to see who it was, even though she already knew. “Go away,” she said quietly, into the darkness, hoping he’d hear.

The door chimed again. It hurt her head to think too much about it.

And it chimed a third time, and she rolled over and pulled the pillow over her head. The sudden movement made her dizzy, made her ears ring again.

The light in her living room turned on, and she felt the dread rising as she felt him growing closer. The light to her bedroom turned on, and he was standing in the doorway, wearing his formal uniform. “Why the hell aren’t you at—“ he snarled, and then stopped. And then he said, evenly, “You’re hurt.”

“I’m fine,” she muttered.

“No,” he said, and she heard him step forwards, even though she couldn’t quite see him. “You’re really hurt.”

“I’ll hurt you if you don’t get out,” she snapped, through the pain and the dizziness.

He swore, and she opened her mouth to say something that never came out. “Get up,” he snapped, pulling on her arm. “We need to get you—“

She sat up and vomited, right down the front of his black suit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chapter so far. I loved writing Rey and Hux getting along: after all, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. And Rey IS a survivor, and there's no way she survived as a young woman on Jakku without knowing how to pull out the charm. And Kylo and his stupid pride, and Ara and his stupid troublemaking mouth. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, too!


	10. Chapter 10 - Like the withered hand of an old king

**Chapter 10: Like the withered hand of an old king**

When Rey opened her eyes, she was strapped in a chair. Every ounce of adrenaline and energy and fear and strength and Light and Dark that she contained in her body and soul surged through her as she recalled being strapped into the interrogation chair on Starkiller Base, and she strained with all of her might to break free. There were machines in the room and they started to make wild whirring and beeping noises that only made her terror grow.

There were people in the room now, talking to her, but she couldn’t hear them over the screaming. It was loud and terrifying and made her head and her hears ring, and it took her a long time to realize that it was coming from her. But she was tied down too tightly to do anything but scream, attached to wires and tubes and who knows what else. She struggled and fought but it did nothing. And suddenly everything was vague and fuzzy again, and the screaming was getting more quiet, and then, finally, it stopped.

*

“What’s wrong with her?” the tall man all in black demanded, barreling into the room a few minutes later.

The nurses looked up at him, confused, but the doctor stood up, looking petrified. “Sir,” she said. “I didn’t expect you—“

“What’s wrong with her?” Kylo Ren demanded again.

“There haven’t been any updates, sir. We cleaned up the wound, sewed it shut. Definitely a concussion, and that’s going to take some long-term surveillance.”

“She’s going to be okay?”

“Yes sir.”

Kylo exhaled, turning to look at Rey’s motionless body in the hospital bed. A blanket covered her torso, her arms extended on top, and stuck with all manner of needles and tubes and wires. She had thick dark cuffs around her upper arms and wrists, attaching her to the bed. “Why is she being restrained?” he demanded, angrily. “She’s not a prisoner.”

The doctor swallowed. “She woke up, sir. And had some sort of reaction. She managed to get out of the bed, and tried to fight our nurses, and pulled out a number—“

“I get it,” he said, holding up one hand to tell the doctor to stop talking, exhaling again. Watching Rey, reassured. She was a fighter, she was always a fighter. That was what he had felt: her waking up strapped to a hospital bed and certain she was being tortured. He had only felt the torture, the certainty that she was about to die, the voice echoing in her head saying _I can take anything I want_. His voice. But she wasn’t being tortured here, she was just remembering it. She was being taken care of now, by the best doctors in the First Order. He had to remember that.

The nurses were exchanging glances, and the doctor was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?” she asked.

Kylo said nothing, but stormed out of the room.

The next time Rey woke up, she was cold. She was wearing only a very light gown, she realized, and opened her eyes to see that she was in the medical bay. She felt very heavy, somehow, but not in pain. She tried to remember, and all she remembered was throwing up on Kylo. It was a rather nice memory, as far as memories of vomiting go.

*

She spent a week total in the medbay, mostly because of her concussion, and then she returned to her room, where she was supposed to recuperate for another few weeks. “Weeks!” she exclaimed, and the doctor explained that she needed to stay away from bright lights and screens, and since Corscurant had screens everywhere, that really just meant solitary confinement. Without even any holos to entertain her.

Yumkas brought her books and magazines, and some sort of logic puzzle that could be played alone, but Rey was ready to scream after the first morning. Yumkas bustled around trying to make conversation, but that was even more unbearable so Rey sent her away, saying that she needed a nap. 

He came by after lunch. She debated whether to let him in, but she opened the door with the Force without even getting off the couch. She couldn’t forget her place here. She knew her place here. She was a prisoner, albeit one who was being treated well, so long as she didn’t transgress. He would kill her the next time she did, she was certain, and she would save that for when it really mattered. Not because she wouldn’t open a door.

He closed the door, and leaned back against it, almost like he wanted to be as far away as possible from her. “Hi,” he said.

“Oh, hello,” she said, politely. She wasn’t quite sure how to handle this, except that she was not going to get angry. She would stay evenly keeled, and polite, and hate him quietly, in the back of her mind.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Fine, thank you.”

“Do you need anything?”

“No, thank you.”

“The Knights all miss you.”

“That’s so nice. You can tell them I miss them, too.”

He reached up and rubbed the back of his head. “They’re pretty pissed at me.”

“Oh really?” she asked, brightly. “Why?”

“Okay, you can stop now.”

“Stop what?”

“Look,” he said, but he then trailed off.

She waited for what seemed an awfully long time to not blink, trying to stay bright and pleasant in the face of his sheepish glower.

“Look,” he said again. There was another long pause. “I didn’t mean…” he trailed off again.

After a minute, she asked, brightly, “Oh, are you trying to apologize?”

He flexed his fist, and she reveled in his discomfort. He didn’t say anything.

“For cracking my head open?”

He let out a sound that was somewhere between a groan and a grunt, and she had maybe never had a happier moment in her life.

“I’m listening,” she said.

“You’re insufferable,” he finally exhaled. 

“I’m bored, that’s what I am.”

“No holos?”

“Not allowed to, because of the concussion.”

“Books?”

She stared at him, not sure what to say.

“There’s a library downstairs. I think it’s mostly government stuff, but you could send your servant to a bookstore if you want something lighter.”

“Hmm,” she said. “Thanks.”

“I have to go,” he said. “You’re sure you don’t need anything?”

“I’m sure,” she said.

He opened the door, and started to go through it, but stopped. “I’m,” he said again, and she watched him expectantly. “I _am_ ,” he tried again, emphasizing the am. She waited, her smile dripping with politeness. But all he could manage was to burst our “I’m glad you’re recovering well,” as he slammed the door behind him.

She opened her mouth to respond, but he’d already closed the door behind him, and all she could do was laugh.

*

He came by again the next morning, while she was eating breakfast. She was still wearing her nightshirt, but she was already sitting at the table, her bare legs under the tablecloth, so she didn’t think it was inappropriate in any obvious way. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“Pretty much the same as yesterday.”

“May I join you today for lunch?”

“Why?”

“You seem lonely.”

She thought about it. “All right,” she said.

He nodded, curtly. “All right,” he said. “I have to go train.”

“Try not to concuss anyone,” she said.

“I’ll do my best,” he said, with a decisive nod. “Nice shirt, by the way.”

She looked down at her bare thighs, hidden under the tablecloth, and colored. 

“You got that on The Supreme One? My ship?”

“Is it yours?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

“It suits you,” he shrugged. “You look good in black.”

She opened her mouth to snap something back at him, but he was already opening the door to leave. So she just sat there, feeling annoyed.

*

But lunch was painful and awkward. It was a soup that she didn’t much like, with warm buttery rolls that she couldn’t get enough of, but had only been served two. There was a salad with a sticky, sweet dressing that she wasn’t a huge fan of, either. After a life of ration packs, she just couldn’t get used to sweet things, and so much of the food on Coruscant was sweetened.

“How’s Hux?” she asked. 

“What?” he asked, abruptly.

“I’m just thinking that if this is what you did to me, I can only imagine what you did to him.”

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at,” he said, stiffly.

“Well, you actually like me.”

His lip curled. “Hux is fine.”

“I’m glad,” she said. “It wasn’t his fault. I started it.”

The grim silence continued. “Perhaps,” he said slowly, “you overestimate my opinion of you. And underestimate my opinion of him.”

“So, you kissed him, too?”

He glared at her, and she looked down at her soup, now feeling a little embarrassed.

“I apologize for that,” he said, gently. “It was overstepping. I had promised not to touch you, and I broke that promise.”

She wondered what it meant that his apology for the kiss rolled off his tongue so silkily, but he’d been completely unable to apologize for nearly killing her. She studied him, trying to make sense of him, but his mind was closed off to her and all she could see were his cold eyes.

“Huh,” she said, taking another sip of the unpleasant, sour soup. “So you actually like him?”

“He is an excellent general, committed to the First Order.”

That was true, she considered. He was more useful to Kylo than she was. “He wasn’t quite what I imagined,” she said. “You know how dangerous he is, right?”

“Yes.”

“He’s after you.”

“I’m sure he is.”

“He’d betray you in a heartbeat.”

“If he thought it would get him what he wanted, yes.”

There didn’t seem to be anything else to say. “Okay,” she said.

“All right.”

There was more awkward silence.

“I have to go,” he said. “You should rest.” He stood up, putting his napkin on the table, and started towards the door. After a few steps, he stopped, and turned around. “I did,” he said, “punch Hux in the jaw.”

“That’s it?”

“What?”

“You battled me to the death, and he just got a punch?”

“His jaw was broken.”

“My brain was spilling out of my head.”

Kylo shrugged. “He’s an excellent general.”

“Well, what am I?”

“Injured,” he said. “Take care of yourself. I would miss you more if something happened to you.”

*

He stopped by again at breakfast the next day, to invite himself for lunch, and she was even more surprised. Lunch the previous day had been excruciating. “Why?” she asked again, today with more energy.

He looked taken aback. “I thought you might be lonely.”

She was confused, and her head hurt that day, so she agreed. And he came again, while the droid from the kitchen was setting out the table, and they waited awkwardly in Rey’s living room, and Rey couldn’t think of anything specific to say until they sat down. It was sausages, with a sauce of dried fruits, and tiny pieces of bread on the side. Much better than yesterday. There was a salad, and something orange. She wondered what it would be like to grow up eating this food as a normal matter of course, and to automatically be able to put names to what she was eating. The orange would be some kind of vegetable, probably, but she didn’t know the names of any orange vegetables. No orange vegetables had ever made it into a ration pack. There had been a few green things, each with a different texture, and some white things, and occasionally a purple thing. But never orange. She wondered what it was.

“How’s your head?” he asked.

“It’s better,” she said, even though they both knew perfectly well that it was merely one more day at the beginning of a six-week recuperation period.

“I’m eager for you to come back and train. You’re an impressive fighter.”

“Apparently not impressive enough.”

“It wasn’t a fair fight. I—“ 

She watched him, wondering if she was going to have to watch him wrestle with himself to spit out an apology again. It was funny the first time, probably not the second.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know that’s not enough, but I am.”

She eyed him. “Am I going to be a Knight of Ren?”

“Is that what you want?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I still don’t know why I’m here.”

“Where would you rather be?”

Anywhere else, she thought. “I was happy on Gledhill.”

He ignored her. “Your quarters, are you happy with them?”

She looked around, a little dubiously. “I don’t know if it’s my style. But it’s nice, for what it is. I wish I could go outdoors.”

“Why can’t you?”

“Am I allowed to just, leave?”

“Not unescorted. But you can have an escort.”

“Where would I go?”

“Where would you like to go?”

She wanted to scream. She was under no illusion about her status: she was a prisoner here, just in an awfully nice prison. And one wrong move would be the end of her. It had already happened like that, hadn’t it? So now he was pretending to give her freedom, so that she could mess up and then he would yank back on her leash. She felt him pushing into her mind, and pushed him out. “Stop doing that,” she snapped.

“If you won’t tell me what you want, and you won’t show me what you want, how can I be expected to give you what you want?”

“I don’t want anything from you,” she said.

He seemed to think on that for a moment, and then awkwardly gave a nod. He wasn’t looking at her. “I have a meeting to go to,” he said. “If you think of anything, let me know.”

*

She wasn’t sure if it was a conscious decision, but she’d cut herself off from her friends since her arrival on Coruscant. She blocked them out of her mind entirely, didn’t even think about them. It had worked during her first week, when she was busy and exhausted and using all of her mental energy to navigate her new reality. But now that she had nothing to do but rest, she had nothing to do but think. And the only good, the only happiness, the only thing she desperately wanted to think about, was her friends.

She tried to communicate with Luke, but he didn’t come. She could feel him out there, but he wasn’t responding. That thought tore at her heart, even though she knew that was unreasonable. He’d been proved right, hadn’t he? He’d told her not to leave Ahch-to, he’d told her that Kylo Ren couldn’t be saved, he’d warned her of the depths of his darkness. And now here she was, with stiches in the back of her head.

She lay in her dimly lit room, picking at the giant basket of food that had been delivered to her that morning, with a note, signed by the Knights, that simply said “Just give us the word, sweetheart.” It had made her smile, and she contemplated it. But mostly she contemplated a way to contact her friends.

*

On the third day, at lunch, he said, “The doctors say that you have another month of recovery.”

“I know,” she said, sourly. “They told me.”

“I was thinking that you might be happier resting someplace else.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Where?”

“Someplace with outside,” he said. “And cleaner air.”

She was both intrigued and annoyed by how cryptic he was being. How hard was it to just say what he was thinking? 

“Some of the Knights will escort you, and remain as your bodyguards.”

“Where am I going?”

“It hasn’t been decided yet. Would you like a desert world, or a forest world?”

“I liked the forest.”

He nodded. “You’ll leave after breakfast tomorrow.”

*

She was escorted to some sort of conference room later that afternoon, with a giant chrome seal of the First Order hanging in front of a black velvet curtain on a stage. While she took that in, she was descended upon, a gray cloak placed over her shoulders by someone behind her, and a woman with great amounts of green hair started brushing her face with something. Rey was so startled that it took her a moment to react, but she shrugged her shoulders and ducked away from these people and looked around wildly for why she was here.

The green haired woman and a second woman melted away, giggling, through a door, and Rey was left with two other figures, their backs to her, standing up on the stage, quietly talking to eachother.

“Ah,” Kylo said, turning around to survey her. “The guest of honor. We have a request of you, in return for us meeting your request.”

“A request?” she repeated, blankly. "My request?" She was watching Hux, wondering how he was involved in all this.

“There are accusations,” Hux said, adding his trademark sneer to the word accusations, “undoubtedly being spread by your rebel friends, that we have captured and killed you.”

“Oh,” Rey said, wondering what the repercussions of that might be, and why she should care. They knew she was all right, right? The tracker was still in her knee: she could feel it, like a small piece of grain, when she pressed against its spot.

Hux continued. “Obviously, nothing could be further from the truth. And we would like you to tell your friends that.”

“Oh,” Rey said again, looking at Kylo. His face was inscrutable. “How?”

“Come here, and we’ll explain,” he said, quietly.

“I’m fine here.”

“At least move over there so the lights aren’t right in my eyes.”

That seemed a fair request, so she moved over to where they were standing, and stood, her arms crossed, not trusting any of this.

“General Hux?” Kylo asked.

“We believe that it would be mutually beneficial, for you and for us, to parlay a greeting around the galaxy assuring your friends, and whoever may be listening to them, about your health and safety.”

Rey watched him, suspiciously. 

“The general suggested a short speech,” Kylo said.

“You want me to give a speech?” Rey’s mind reeled.

Kylo nodded. “It seems the most efficient way to get your message out.”

“A speech,” she said again. “What message? I have a message?”

“That you’re alive,” Kylo said.

“To put an end to any rumors that you’re being poorly treated,” Hux said.

“What rumors?” Rey’s mind was swimming.

“You may have forgotten about them,” Kylo said, “but your friends apparently remember you, and they have been trying to turn you into their martyr.”

“Honestly,” Hux said, “After all we’ve done for you, it’s the least you could do for us.”

“All you’ve done for me!” she exclaimed, ignoring Kylo.

“You’ve remained alive, healthy, and mouthy,” Hux said, dryly, and she remembered how dryly sarcastic he was. “What else do you want?”

Her lips twitched as she stared at him. “I mean, what do you want me to say? ‘I’m happy and healthy and mouthy and really excited to be living with the First Order?’ Who am I sending this speech to, and why have they even heard about me?”

“As we said, this is a mutually beneficial act,” Hux said, starting to sound exasperated. “We have no interest in you being a martyr for your pathetic little cause, and you may assure your friends of your safety before going on your little holiday.”

“So I’m just going to get up and say ‘I’m doing great, living and working with the First Order, thanks for asking?’ Really? You think I’m likely to say that?”

“You wouldn’t even have to say that you’re working with the First Order,” Hux said. “We just want to assure your friends that you’re alive and well and living comfortably.” 

“Why do you care what my friends think of you?”

“I don’t,” Hux said. “I care that they’re promoting you as a martyr.” 

“Maybe I’m okay with that.” She wanted to punch Hux and his smug grin in the face. He surveyed her up and down, some sort of look of triumph on his face that she couldn’t figure out. She was winning this argument: there was no doubt she wouldn’t win this argument. The idea of her giving a speech saying that she was working with the First Order was ludicrous. “What?” she asked. “How’s your jaw, Hux?”

But, somehow, that taunt just made his smile grow even deeper. “You bloody whore,” he said, mildly. “If only the Resistance could see you now. Best of both worlds, eh? You get to be both the Resistance hero while living a life of luxury here with your boyfriend.”

“Not by choice! I would give anything to be out there, fighting you.”

“Really?” he asked, an eyebrow raised impressively high.

She was a little embarrassed by that outburst, now. It had been festering, of course, but something about the emotions running in this room, with these two men ( _I’ve kissed them both_ , she thought with something that managed to be both horror and mirth), made her angry confession bubble to the surface.

“Do you think,” Kylo asked softly, “we’d be asking you to do something counter to your best interests?”

She started at him, incredulously. "And he's not my boyfriend," she said.

Hux rolled his eyes. “Look,” he said. “These are your choices,” Hux said, his voice crystal clear and clipped. “You can either make some sort of public appearance, or you can go back to your room.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Back to my room sounds good, thanks.”

“You’re a bloody ungrateful whore to boot.”

“Unecessary,” Kylo snapped.

“Sorry, forgot that I was insulting your girlfriend.”

“She’s not—“ he started.

“Oh my God,” Rey said. “Can I go now?”

“Rey, we had a deal,” Kylo said.

“Yeah, and this wasn’t part of it.”

Kylo opened his mouth to say something, but Hux interrupted.

“The chances she would do it were always slim,” Hux said, coldly. “This meeting is over, so far as I’m concerned. If she wants to contact her friends, she can read this speech in front of the camera. And if she doesn’t, she can go back to your rooms and you two can consummate your _deal_ to your hearts’ content. I want to make one thing very clear, to both of you. I am a General, and I am a damn good one. And I will not be a part of whatever twisted game you two are playing. I will not. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an actual military organization to lead.” He was out the door before he’d even finished, and the door shut on his last word.

“What’s his problem?” Rey asked.

“He’s always been high strung.”

There was silence in the room for a moment, and she wondered if they were joking, and what it meant that she was joking with Kylo Ren. 

“You wouldn’t have been happy with his speech, anyway” Kylo added.

“Are they still safe?”

“Perhaps if you told us where they are, a certain level of clemency could be negotiated.”

“I’m not doing that.”

“I know.”

She didn’t look at him, she just stared across at a whiteboard on the wall opposite. It had some markings left over from a previous meeting, and she tried to make them out with no luck. “I’m disappointed but not surprised that you broke our deal,” she said, suddenly. 

“I only broke one part of our deal,” he said. “And I’ve already apologized.”

“You said that you wouldn’t touch me, you said that you’d teach me, and it was at least implied that you’d keep me alive.”

“You’re alive.”

“No thanks to you.”

“You’ve been training with my Knights. I am so sorry that my position as Supreme Leader comes with obligations and that I’m unable to devote my entire schedule to you.” His tone dripped sarcasm.

“I want to go back to my room,” she said.

“Nobody is preventing you.”

She huffed, and left the room to meet her escort droid.

*

“Pity she wouldn’t read the speech,” Kylo said, after he finally found Hux.

“That’s fine,” Hux replied. “We got enough.”

“Really?”

“I sent it down to the media shop already, along with the other clips we’ve gathered. We’ll start broadcasting her announcement that she’s joined the First Order tomorrow.”

*

As she fell asleep that last night on Coruscant, it occurred to Rey that perhaps Kylo had never had any plan other than to capture her. That he’d never thought any further than that. Maybe it had never occurred to him that he’d have to do something else with her after. How else to explain her strange existence on Coruscant? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Sorry I haven't posted very regularly. Next chapter: Rey goes on vacation, Kylo comes to visit her, Rey's friends try to figure out a way to spring her, and Rey goes on a talk show. We're almost getting somewhere, people. Please consider leaving a comment if you've enjoyed this!


	11. Chapter 11 - God shall not forget us (II)

** Chapter 11: God shall not forget us (II) **

The holo went out only a few minutes after Rey, escorted by four of Kylo’s six remaining Knights, left for Naboo. Hux had wanted it broadcast on the official news channel of the First Order, but the director of the Media Lab had another idea. “No way, my friend” Socca Worran said to Hux, the least probable friend for the director to ever have. Socca was an artist, a vague-seeming man who had a long history of ingesting psychotropic drugs, and even when he wasn’t actively high he had a tendency to carry a whiff of alternate reality. But he was also a genius videographer and editor, and this was not the first "creative edit" he’d worked on for Hux.

“Yes?” Hux had replied.

“This is a human interest story, man. Not a military one. You’ve got a military full of, I don’t know, giant gun things! Right? Why do you need a Jedi? If you need to move rocks, you have plenty of bulldozers. Naw, man. This is a story of our beautiful heroine who left her loser friends and is living happily ever after with the First Order.”

Hux tried to sort through all this in his head, and it did make a certain level of sense. 

“This is a love story, my friend.” Socca repeated, with a decisive nod and a finger wag. There weren’t many people who could get away with giving Hux a finger wag. 

So Hux gave him free reign and plenty of video footage, and waited. Hux himself wasn’t completely impressed with the results, but he showed it to his officers, and to the support staff working in his office, and most of them practically swooned. And so he shrugged, fully aware that he had less patience for frippery than most people, and far less patience for the manipulative girl and the infantile Supreme Leader than anyone else in the galaxy, and gave the broadcast order.

“We have a new guest today,” cooed Nadalia Nadarolia, the extremely popular Kaminoan newscaster. The studio audience applauded. “She was scheduled to be here in studio, but wouldn’t you know it, she had to go on a secret mission. Oh, I was so disappointed! But she still agreed to call in to be interviewed. Let’s hear it for Lady Rey, Jedi queen and the newest ranking commander of the First Order!”

The applause was overwhelming. Rey’s face appeared, in a three dimensional holo, in front of Nadalia. “I’m happy to be here.”

“And how are you doing today?”

“I’m fine here,” Rey replied, all smiles and cheer.

“Lady Rey,” Nadalia started, “first of all, I want to say that it is such an honor to have you here with us today. I had been promised, by our Supreme Leader himself, that you would be available in the studio today, but instead you’re somewhere out in the galaxy, fighting for peace and justice. Is that hard, to have to leave your comfortable home here on Coruscant to go battle?”

“I would give anything to be out there, fighting,” Rey replied.

Nadalia smiled. “Better you than me, my dear.” The audience laughed. “Now, I understand that you used to fight against the First Order?”  
Rey nodded again.

“It must have been a big adjustment to join the First Order! Your assistant told me that when you first came, you were nearly starving, and had some pretty severe injuries. Do you have anything to say about how your fortunes have improved through joining the First Order?”

“I’m happy and healthy and really excited to be living with the First Order.” Rey smiled, ruefully. Almost as though she had just made a joke she was privately happy with.

“Now,” Nadalia said, a little conspiratorially. “I have a very personal question. I hope that you don’t mind me asking. You and the Supreme Leader… would you be willing to remark on the rumors?”

“What rumors?” Rey asked. Socca hadn’t even had to modulate her voice to hide the embarrassment. The camera panned to the studio audience, which was laughing, like they were in on the joke. When it went back to Rey, she was smiling.

“I understand completely!” Nadalia laughed. “Now I’m worried that the most powerful Jedi in the universe is angry at me.” The audience giggled. “Please say you’ll forgive me, Lady Rey? Promise?”

“I’m not doing that.” More laughter from the audience.

Nadalia laughed again. “Well, I think our time here is nearly done. Lady Rey, thank you so much for agreeing to break with your busy schedule and come talk to us. I can’t even tell you want an honor is it’s been to meet you. Do you have any final words?”

The camera zoomed to Rey’s face, as she said “‘I’m happy and healthy and really excited to be living with the First Order.” Applause filled the hall, and as the camera pulled back, it seemed like Nadalia and Rey continued some sort of conversation, although you couldn’t hear what they were saying.

The whole thing was a masterpiece.

* * *

“What. The. Hell.” Finn asked, turning it off.

“Did they make her stay that stuff?” Rose asked. “I can’t even imagine Rey…”

“Really?” Poe asked, his voice heavy with doubt.

“You can?” Rose asked, her eyes wide.

“She wouldn’t,” Finn said.

“I’m just saying, she sure wasn’t around for any of the important battles. And it turns out she was on Snoke’s ship while we’re getting shot out of the air. Kind of convenient, right?”

“She was killing Snoke!” Finn said.

“Yeah, but not Kylo Ren. And now she’s apparently his girlfriend? Lady Rey? What the hell.”

“That’s what I said,” Finn said. “She wouldn’t join with them. Not ever.”

“I don’t know,” Poe said. “They can do amazing things with video editing. But it’s hard, it’s really hard, for them to make up her saying things. They can change the tone and the inflection and put together two sentences to make one. And they can make up words, but it’s hard and time consuming and they’d need a lot of model language from her. And that was definitely her voice. I don’t know if they’d go to the effort.”

“Rey did not join the First Order,” Finn said, furious. “Take that back.”

“I’m just saying, my man, that—“

“I am not your man.”

“Look. She’s always been a loose cannon.”

Finn took a swing at Poe, and Rose shrieked. Poe took a swing right back. Immediately, they were wrestling each other while Rose yelled at them to stop. A door opened, and more people came running in, pulling the two men apart. Both panted, and Finn tried to take a final lunch at Poe, but was pulled back.

*

“The General will see you now,” G’lan said, grumpily, shifting in her chair. Finn sighed, and he and Poe stood up and went into the conference room that Leia had requisitioned for her own.

“What is going on?” Leia asked, before they’d even sat down.

“Rey was on some sort of video,” Finn started to explain.

“I saw,” Leia said. Finn watched her face for guidance, but it gave nothing away.

“She would never go to the First Order,” Finn said, full of righteously vicious anger.

“Except that she obviously has,” Poe said, with an exaggerated shrug.

Finn started to launch at him, but Leia put up her hand, and Finn respected that. He was a military man through and through.

“We are analyzing it,” Leia said. “Right now, I am not taking it seriously. It hits every propaganda point that the First Order is currently trying to put out. Look at how our numbers have grown, and they know that.”

“But they have her, and they’re doing things to her, to make her make holos like that,” Finn practically wailed.

“Finn,” Leia said very firmly. “I admit that it looks bad. But there’s no reason to believe that it’s as bad as it looks. And, more importantly, we need you to be role models.” She sat back a little, looking between both Poe and Finn. “Both of you. You’ve been with the Resistance for a long time now, both of you. New members are joining every day. They look to you to see how to act, what to believe. Even if you are worried about Rey, I need you to remain visibly convinced that the holo is a forgery. Do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am,” both men muttered.

* * *

She was on Naboo, which was so stunning that she had a hard time finding the words to describe it. From the house, she could see an expansive and vibrant green lawn down to an electric blue lake, with forests and mountains of every shade of green, orange, and violet in the distance. The colors were so wild that she wondered if it were some trick of the atmosphere.

The house they were staying in was the largest house she’d ever seen: she hadn’t even understood that it was a house when she first saw it. It had a large, bright green lawn that went down to a sparkling blue lake, and that was where Rey spent most of her days: sitting in a lawn chair, drinking delightful drinks and eating delicious food, and talking with Rivka and Gaskin. They had stayed to protect her, along with a small army of household help. 

The only negative was that Rey’s nightmares had returned. She’d had them her entire life, even as a child. They’d left entirely while she was staying on Corsucant, and for the first time in her life she had slept peacefully and uninterrupted. But now they were back again. She woke up, sweating and crying, in the middle of the night, visions of fire and darkness and loneliness swimming in her head.

Her nights were a direct contrast to the beauty of daytime life. She took meals on the lawn in front of the lake, went for walks in the woods with a Knight or two, and Gaskin taught her to swim. The house was crawling with servants, who made meals, cleaned up, played music, and set out activities like painting kits. The first two weeks were probably the happiest two weeks of Rey’s life. But nothing in Rey’s life had ever gone easily before, so why would it start now?

* * *

When had Kylo gotten his last good night’s sleep? First it was the dream about killing the girl, with her wide eyes staring at him, reflecting different emotions each night. Then the dream had shifted, and he happily killed her, and woke up retching. And then he had found her, and brought her back to Coruscant, and the dreams changed again. This time she was in his bed, on her side, leaning on her elbow, and he looked down expecting to see her naked body, but instead he just saw a hole in her chest. He realized, with horror, that he could see the pillows behind her through it. He looked back up at his face, horrified, only to see cruel eyes and a hard, bitter, triumphant smile that made his blood run cold. And then that night, the night of that ridiculous party, was the worst dream of all, where she was in Hux’s arms, crying out Hux’s name, and he woke up wanting to kill her.

He knew that it wasn’t rational. He knew that it was just a dream. He had tasted her milquetoast kiss with Hux, and he had tasted her passionate kiss with him, and he knew which she’d preferred. But then Ara’s words about her pretty little face rang in his ear, and the idea of anyone touching her, touching her face or her body had overwhelmed him. 

And he was revolted by his weakness. He loathed how his feelings of jealousy made him feel. And she’d stood in front of him, with her pretty little face, and her beautiful eyes looking at him in real life again, and all he could see was his own weakness. And then it was like a monster took over: he barely even remembered what came next. The anger, the loathing, the sleepless nights, everything she’d done to him, those eyes that haunted him, he had to extinguish them. It was the only way he could be whole, the only way he could breathe. 

He was a monster.

It wasn’t until she crumpled on the floor with an anguished cry that pierced his heart and his soul that he stepped back and saw her with his own human eyes, and for less than a second he thought he’d killed her and he thought he’d die himself. But she was breathing: rapidly, loudly. He stepped back, and realized that the room was silent, still. Caballero was sitting in the center of the room, rubbing his head, with Givett and Mersellis crouched over him, but everyone else stood still, staring. He didn’t know what to do, or what to say, and so he excused them for lunch, but nobody moved. Nobody except Rey, who pitifully stood up and staggered out of the room without even looking at him.

He wanted to cry, he wanted to die, he wanted to hug her and heal her and tell her that he was sorry. But none of those things could happen. “I said, training’s over,” he called out again, and this time his Knights quietly put down their instruments and headed to the locker rooms, leaving Kylo standing alone, in the middle of the sparring mat. He looked down and realized that it was streaked with her blood, and he wanted to retch.

He would apologize at dinner. He would escort her to dinner, and wine and dine her and treat her like an Empress, and he would apologize. He waited for her in a little salon, waited for almost an hour, before he started to get annoyed. He wondered if that was an appropriate response. She was hiding from him, and he was angry at himself for having broken her, and he was angry at her for being broken by him. She was stronger than that. So he’d gone up to her apartment, and found it dark, and he reached out to make sure she was in there, and he’d felt her. He’d felt all of her: her shields were entirely down. He went in, demanding to know why she wasn’t at dinner, and her thoughts and feelings and pain almost knocked him over. She wasn’t protecting them at all: they spilled throughout the room. And they were pain: an overwhelming, overarching pain that reached from the very marrow of her bones. He could feel how her heart labored to pump, how her lungs gasped for air, how she was lying in this dark room with her life slowly draining from her. 

He’d picked her up, arms supporting her neck and her knees, and carried her to the little clinic in the palace, and they’d put her on a transport to the finest hospital Coruscant had to offer, and that night he dreamed that she lay floating in a small lake, only a few inches under the water, skin blue and water-logged, peering up towards the surface with those huge hazel eyes. At first he thought her eyes were watching him, staring at him, the way they always did in his dreams. Then, quickly, came the realization that there was no sight in them, that she wasn’t looking at him, or at anything. She was just floating directly under the surface, eyes wide open, no spirit or blood left in her. He screamed her name and tried to grab her out, but there was a layer of ice, solid as steel, on top of the water, and he tried to slam his hands through it but it never shattered. It was the worst dream of all, because it was the first one where he looked into her eyes and her eyes didn’t look back into his soul. 

He was certain he would never sleep again.

But she wasn’t dead. She had woken up. He had gotten to her just in time, got her to the hospital to be sewn up and repaired. She was going to be okay. She was going to be okay, and he could sleep again.

* * *

“Okay,” Finn said. “What have we got here?” The case had a rusty old lock on it, but Rose had used a screwdriver to knock off the hinges.  
There was a row of leather-clad books, and Finn took them out, first. Kaydel Ko flipped through them. “I don’t know this language. We’ll have to ask a droid.”

There was a bundle of red fabric, tied in a tight little knot. Finn had trouble with the knot, but Rose managed to loosen it, and it fell open to reveal a pile of some sort of machinery. “I think it’s a lightsaber,” Finn said. “Yes, it’s definitely a lightsaber.” He picked up the largest piece, the almost-complete handle, and felt it’s weight. “I think it might be the one I used. She got it at Moz’s.”

“You used a lightsaber?” Rose asked, awed.

“I mean, yeah, a little,” Finn responded, feeling pretty damn cool.

“Too bad it’s broken,” Kaydel Ko said.

“Can you fix it?” Finn asked Rose.

Rose was startled. “Me? Why me? I mean, no, of course not. It’s a Jedi lightsaber.”

“But you can fix anything,” Finn said. “I’ve seen you.” He smiled.

She considered that, shyly. “I guess I could try,” she said. She fiddled with the parts, aware of everyone watching her. “I mean, I’m not going to be able to do it literally right now, with all of you staring at me. You know that’s not what I meant, right?”

Everyone pretended that they knew that wasn’t what she meant. 

She wrapped up the pieces, and promised to look at them later.

* * *

Hux had a plan. Hux always had a plan. After Rey’s explosive interview had been broadcast around the galaxy, Hux’s people had made sure that her face was in gossip magazines and entertainment holos nearly every day. Pictures and videos of her taken walking in the park, visiting the Coruscant menagerie, training, dancing at the gala. She was both sweet and powerful, and it was strongly suggested that she and Kylo Ren were falling madly in love.

Kylo was not comfortable with the last part, but he ceded that Hux was the master manipulator and knew what he was doing.

And now Hux had a new plan. Well, it was all part of the same plan, but now Kylo had to be involved. He needed to go to Naboo, and convince her to look happy to see him, so that videos could be made of him visiting his love, who was recuperating from a skirmish with the pitiful remnants of the Resistance. 

Kylo was really not comfortable with any of this.

“She’s more likely to pull a lightsaber out on me than run and kiss me,” he told Hux.

“Does she have a lightsaber?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“Then you’ll live,” Hux said. “If you can get her to kiss you, we’ll be golden. Even if you can’t, just say nice things until she looks happy to see you. It’s only a 20 second holo, you don’t need to hold her attention long. Maybe bring some of your Knights, she seems to like them more than she likes you. We can edit so it’s not clear who she’s smiling at.”

And so two weeks into Rey’s month-long stay, Kylo and three of his Knights headed out to Naboo, leaving only Rivka behind. The journey was uneventful, and Rey actually looked happy to see him, which was both flattering and convenient, and he even pecked her cheek and she didn’t slap him. It wasn’t the kind of kiss Hux had been talking about, of course, but it was better than nothing, and might perhaps warm her up a little.

He was only scheduled to stay for about an hour, which meant that everything had to be carefully choreographed so that Hux could get his footage. Rey was standing outside waiting for him, and then they were to go inside for dinner. A little table was apparently going to be waiting, with candles lit, even though it was only the afternoon ("it just has to look like dinner. Try to feed her some food, too. But only if you can make it look romantic"). Then a quick walk outdoors (“make sure you’re touching her. Arm around her shoulder would be best, but arms linked is all right, too”), sit on the beach (“don’t forget to look happy”), and then Kylo could leave. 

It was going to be a long afternoon. 

“Why are you here?” she asked, as they started up the steps into the house. It was a simple, curious question, with no animosity behind it, and he realized how much he missed her: how steady and complete she made him feel.

“To switch out my Knights,” he said.

“You had to come for that?” she asked.

“Well, maybe I wanted to see you too. Make sure you were healing.”

“I am,” she said with a smile. “It’s beautiful here.”

“It is,” he agreed, turning to survey the lawn and the lake and the view. “The water lilies are out,” he said.

“They are,” she agreed. “I ate lunch down by the lake.”

“Let’s go see,” he said, impulsively.

“What about dinner? I thought we had a schedule,” she mocked. He wondered what she’d been told. Certainly not that their fake romance was being video'd.

“It can wait a minute,” he said. He had a smile that was almost serene, and she was taken aback by how happy he looked. He held out his elbow, and she looped her arm through it, and they walked back down the steps. Hux surely didn’t care if the dinner or the lake walk came first, and the two of them coming down the stairs with their arms linked had to make a video that was worth any disruption to Hux’s schedule. 

He smiled at her as they walked across the grass. “Have you been enjoying your time here?”

Her answer was polite. “Yes, thank you.”

“I always forget the colors here.”

She took her arm out of his, leaving a sense of emptiness in his body, in his soul. He wondered if he could spend just a little longer here, what Hux would say if Kylo commed him to say that there was some emergency with his Knights that would require an overnight stay. He could dream.

“And you’re healing?” he asked.

“I think so,” she said. “The med droid scans my head every day, says there’s nothing to worry about.”

He nodded. She thought about how he still hadn’t really apologized. They were walking along the edge of the lake now. Their pace was slow, but the long stretch of silence allowed them to walk a great distance, and her view of the little veranda where she’d eaten lunch was long gone. The grass they strode on ended only a few feet from the edge of the path they meandered down, and then there was a drop of about three feet, and a small sandy beach at the bottom of the beach led to the water. Rey wondered if Kylo knew how to swim. She wondered when they were going to stop walking. She wasn’t sure how she felt about taking a private walk with him, away from the safety and security of the house, of the Knights.

“You seem uncomfortable with me,” he said, softly. “Have I done something to make you distrust me?”

“You gave me a concussion.”

“I think I could teach you more effectively if we are, at least, friends.”

“I already have friends,” she said.

“Do you?” he asked.

“Yes, of course.” She held her head high, thinking of Leia and Finn, Rose and Kaydel Ko, even Luke and maybe even Anakin, who had told Luke to train her. She had friends who loved her. Even if they didn’t understand her, or understand why she was here. She ignored the empty feeling in her heart.

“Then where are they?” he asked, and she wondered if he was mocking her.

And that was when the attack began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first work, and I know very little about canon although I've tried my hardest to keep to it. Please consider leaving me a comment or kudos. Thank you for reading!


	12. Chapter 12: Who made the sky knows of our love

** Chapter 12: Who made the sky knows of our love **

It came out of nowhere. The sun was just starting to set, orange tendrils just beginning to streak across the azure sky, and she heard the jets before they came into view. It was a deep, low rumbling that she was still trying to place when the first blast came, screaming down before exploding in an earth-shattering sound that shook the ground they walked on. There was a formation of three, maybe five fighter jets: she didn’t see, because he’d grabbed her arm and they’d started running. 

She had been planning to jump into the lake, hide under water for as long as possible: fire couldn’t reach her there, and she didn’t think that the jets’ rays could go through the water. But he was steering her away from the lake now, off the path, and it occurred to her that they were staying under the tree cover. They seemed to be running for an awfully long time. She was losing breath: she hadn’t trained in two weeks, and had never been the fastest runner anyway. She tripped, and he pulled her up, and they went a little bit further until they reached the path again, next to the lake again, and he jumped down the bank onto a small pebble beach. “In here,” he said, his first words since the explosion, and he pushed her into a small cave entrance. He collapsed against the wall, and she dropped down to her knees on the rocky floor, both of them gasping for breath.

“What’s going on,” she panted.

“Hell if I know,” he said. “Those were First Order ships, though.”

“They got the house.”

“I didn’t see. My back was turned.”

“All those people in the house,” she said, flatly, trying not to cry.

“Are you okay? How’s your head?”

“Were they trying to get you?”

“That would be my guess,” he said. “And probably you.”

“But who?” she asked, stunned. “Why? You’re the Supreme Leader.”

“My guess,” he said sourly, “is the man who insisted I come on this little vacation, along with all of my Knights.”

She eyed him, suspiciously. Hux had laid a trap, and Kylo had walked right into it. Stupid Kylo. “What do we do now?”

“Hell if I know,” he said, and she had a slight case of déjà vu. “Stay here for the night. Tomorrow, try to figure out what happened. Figure out how to get somewhere else after that.”

It was a long, awkward evening. Neither of them said anything for what seemed like hours, as the night grew darker. Rey couldn’t think of anything to say to him. Everything either seemed flippant for the occasion, or now was not the right time to bring it up. The night grew darker, although the huge Nabooian moon reflected off the water and gave the cave a surprising amount of pale silvery light.

“There’s a race of aliens that live under water on Naboo,” Kylo said, suddenly. “Not this lake, though, or the one the house is on. Was on,” he corrected himself.

He paused, and she felt like she had to say something. “Really?”

“The Gungans,” he said. “I only met them a few times. I was terrified of them. My nurse used to tell me that if I was naughty, the Gungans who lived in the pipes would come get me.”

“Are they a vicious species?” Rey asked, nervously eyeing the lake. A cool breeze blew across the water and right into the cave.

He chuckled. “No, that’s the thing. They’re very peaceful. They don’t bother anyone. It’s the humans who are always bothering them. She wasn’t very nice to me.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, wondering at the idea of a nurse who wasn’t very nice. She couldn’t imagine being rich enough to have a nurse, but wasn’t the point that the parents would hire someone to take care of their child? Someone nice?

Kylo sighed. “I’m sure I deserved it,” he said. “I remember she stayed for a couple years. Most of the nurses didn’t last more than a few weeks. Between my parents fighting and me… I wasn’t very nice, either.”

“Children deserve kindness,” Rey said.

“Was anyone ever kind to you?”

“Sometimes,” she said. “I’ve been on my own since I was about five. I wouldn’t have survived those first years without any kindness.”

“That’s good to hear,” he said, quietly, and she wondered what that meant.

An odd revelation was appearing in Rey’s mind. “Is this where you grew up?” 

“Mostly.”

“In that house?”

He nodded, looking up at the cave’s ceiling. 

“And you came to this cave as a child? That’s how you knew where it was?”

“My, aren’t you clever,” he said, with a stroke of bitterness.

“I’m sorry they destroyed your house.”

“It wasn’t my house. It was my mother’s.”

“But you were happy here,” she said, her tone quiet.

“No, not really." He paused. "But I knew it was pretty here. I thought you’d like to see something pretty.” There was another long silence that stretched for hours.

*

“I wish we had a fire,” she said, willing her teeth not to chatter. The night was cold, the cave was damp.

“I wish we had a bed,” was the retort. “Or two,” he added, magnanimously.

“I can sleep anywhere,” she said. “It’s the cold.”

“Come here,” he said.

She didn’t want to.

“Suit yourself,” he said.

She crawled over to his side of the cave. He put his arm around her, and she nestled into it. He was beautifully warm.

“I solved your problem,” he said. “Now how about the bed?”

“It’s not so bad,” she said. “I’ve slept on worse.”

“Worse than pebbles?”

“They’re soft, rounded pebbles. You should see the rocks on Jakku.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Good, because you can’t anymore.” Her tone was caustic. They were silent for a moment, and she said, “You’re soft.”

“Pardon?”

“You’re soft,” she repeated. “You grew up in that house, with servants, and then went to Luke’s school, and then joined the First Order. You’ve never been anything but a prince. You’ve never slept anywhere except the softest, loveliest bed money can buy.”

“I don’t mind the cave,” he said.

“You’re soft,” she said again, quieter. “And I have to go pee. Is it safe to leave the cave?”

“You’re going to pee out there?”

“Would you rather I did it in here?”

He released her, and she wandered out of the cave, chuckling to herself over the discovery that Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader of the First Order, was as soft and delicate as a newborn baby.

When she returned into the cave he left, and she looked for a decently comfortable place to sleep. She was smoothing out an area of a few large rocks when he returned, and said “We can use my cape to sleep on.”

“You can,” she said. “I’ll be over here.”

“It’s cold.”

It was cold. She sighed. “Fine,” she said. “But the deal still stands. No funny business.”

“Trust me,” he said, stretching. “It’s the last thing on my mind right now.”

That seemed realistically true, so she stood out of the way while he spread out the cape, and then she lay down. He lay down next to her, his arms over her, and he murmured, “What’s wrong?” as she tensed every muscle in her body. “Are you still cold?”

No, she wasn’t cold. She felt hotter than she’d ever felt before. It was all she could do not to melt into him, so she concentrated on her hate. On everything he’d done. She was not literally going to curl up with the enemy without a fight. “I’m fine,” she said. “Go to sleep.”

“You’re angry,” he said again, in his gentle murmur. “Why are you so angry, Scavenger girl?”

“I’m tired,” she said, even though she wasn’t.

“Then go to sleep. Let your anger sing you off to sleep.”

“I’m not angry!” she protested. “Well, now I am, maybe,” she quietly added. “But only because you’re making me angry.”

“I like your anger. It’s a reliable constant in my world.”

“You’re twisted.”

“I suspect we both are.”

She thought back to what Hux had said on the stage, that she and Kylo were playing a twisted game. He might be, she thought, but she had no choice but to go along for the ride. How could she not be angry about being dragged into that? “Speak for yourself,” she muttered.

“Your problem,” he said, “is that you are so dark, and you are so proud of how light you are. Even though—“

“What?” she exclaimed, sitting up and looking down at him.

He was looking up at her, and though it was too dark to see his exact expression, she was pretty positive that he was looking smug. “Oh, my young apprentice,” he said. “This can’t really be news to you, is it? Your darkness radiates off you. That’s why Luke refused to teach you, right?”

“He didn’t refuse,” she snarled.

He laughed, quietly. “I’ve seen you fight,” he said. “I’ve seen how the anger feeds you. When we connected, you were strongest when you were angry. Your force power feeds off your anger, your hate, your fear. You really can’t be so blind that you don’t see that?”

She suppressed her flash of rage, but not before he stared laughing again. 

“Calm down before you hurt someone,” he said. “And go to sleep.”

“No,” she snapped.

“Suit yourself,” he said.

She sat there, arms crossed, trying to will herself to stay warm, until she couldn’t help a shiver.

“Stop being an idiot and lie down and go to sleep,” he said, drowsily.

“Don’t call me an idiot,” she said, lying down while trying to radiate a sense of I’m not happy about this. ‘You’re the one who flew right into Hux’s trap.”

She was afraid that was going too far, but he just draped his stupid warm arm over her, and said “touché, my dear,” in a lazy, drowsy voice.

“I’m not your dear.”

“Of course not,” he murmured. And she was pretty sure he was asleep. She tried not to think about any of it too much, and fell asleep shortly thereafter.

*

Neither one dreamed that night.

*

When Rey woke up, she was stiff and cold on one side, and soft and warm on the other. She nested back into the soft and warm side, and it all felt very cozy and lovely and cocoon-like, until she felt something rather stiff.  
In her drowsiness, it took her a few moments to realize what was happening, and then she propelled herself forwards with a good kick to his shins.

“Ow!” he yelled, doubling up.

“How dare you!?” she yelled.

“Be quiet,” he said. “It's too early for this shit. What the hell?”

“You said you weren’t going to touch me! And then I wake up, and you’re—poking into me.”

“What?” he said, and she could have sworn that he blushed. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he muttered.

“Do too.”

“It happens,” he said. “In the morning sometimes. It has nothing to do with you.”

“You’re twisted,” she scowled.

“You’ve never been with a man, have you?” There was a glint in his eye that she despised, and she wanted to strangle him.

She scowled. “That’s none of your business.”

He had a broad smile, like he thought this was funny. “It’s interesting. Nobody ever caught your attention on Jakku? You never caught their attention?”

“I’m not talking about this.” But she couldn’t help but add, just because she was feeling competitive, “And I had plenty of interest.”

“So?” he asked. “What happened? Nothing worked out?”

“They regretted trying something,” she said, haughtily.

He laughed, and said “I bet,” and she hated him even more. 

“I bet women are just lining up around the block for you,” she muttered, and she reached up her hands, and gave him a firm shove. Somehow, that made him laugh even harder. She hunched up her shoulders and gave out an annoyed shriek, adding “I hate you so much!” He was laughing so hard that he fell sideways, lying back down again. gave him a swift kick before stomping outside to wash her face in the cool, blue lake.

It was a beautiful day. It had rained once, the previous week, but every other day had been the picture of lovely. Naboo was like some magical planet where everything was always beautiful, when you weren’t being shot at by a fighter jet. And until Kylo Ren comes to stand next to you. “So, what’s the plan?” he asked. “I’m hungry.”

“I’m going to sit here and wait for my friends.”

“Really,” he said. “And where are your friends?”

“I don’t know. But I have a tracker in me.”

“Are you sure? We didn’t scan you for that sort of thing?”

“Not that I noticed. And I can still feel it.”

“Interesting,” he said. “When will they be here?”

“I don’t know. When they hear about the attack?”

“But we’re hungry now.”

She sighed. “Where’s the nearest town? We can go find some food.”

“Way too likely I’d run into someone I know,” he said. 

She sighed. “Fine, I’ll go, you can hide somewhere.”

“Hm,” he said, “Maybe. Maybe we can just wait for your friends.”

“What?” she asked him, suspiciously.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing what?”

“Nothing means nothing.”

“Not when you say it like that.”

He shrugged. “We can try it, but it might be a good idea to hide your face. Who knows what’s going around the holos.”

“Why would my face be going around the holos?”

“Maybe not,” he conceded. “I say we head back to the house and see if there were any survivors.”

“If they were smart, they’d have a trap set for us.”

“Really?”

“You’ve already flown into one trap,” she sighed. “Let me handle it. Do you have any money?”

“No.”

“Crap. What’s the point of being Supreme Leader if you don’t have money? You must have, like, billions of credits somewhere, right?”

“I don’t carry a billfold, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Well, buying food will be hard. But we’ll figure something out.”

“Jedi can be very persuasive.”

“That’s stealing.”

He rolled his eyes.

She sighed, conceding that he had a point. “Okay. What direction is the nearest town? Or, maybe, the second nearest?”

He sighed, and pointed the way, warning her that it was a long hike, and they set out.

*

At first, they walked in silence. She let him take the lead, something which was starting to feel comfortable but which her mind still screamed out against. They walked through the forest, but she could feel life just barely out of sight: human life, animal life, movement. A road. They were following a road, but staying out of sight. The forest occasionally had paths, but mostly they walked across leaf cover, Rey admiring how the sunlight fell in a dappled pattern upon the ground. She’d always lived with a sun that was relentless, cruel both to the living and the dead as it wicked away life and then bleached bones. The sun here, in these woods, was light and playful: it danced in the breeze, touched both the life and the entropy of the forest with soft fingers, and made the world glow.

They walked alongside each other, not together, weaving in and out of trees. Sometimes he dipped out of sight, sometimes he walked only a few feet away. For one moment, she felt a loneliness, an emptiness that she made the hairs on the back of her neck rise, made her heart panic in her chest, and she didn’t realize until it was over that it was his presence dipping out of her consciousness. 

“Where did you go?” she asked, the next time their paths brought them close enough for conversation.

He shrugged. “I was trying something.”

“It worked.”

“You sound annoyed,” he said. She could hear his grin, but when she looked at his face it was as solemn as ever.

“No,” she said, hating how it’s hard not to sound annoyed when you’re accused of it. “I was just confused.”

“You missed me,” he said.

“Did not.”

And then he did grin.

*

Even Rey, who was used to hunger, was feeling snappish by lunchtime, and she fashioned a slingshot and managed to get a few small rodents that seemed to live in the trees. They built a little fire and she roasted them while Kylo watched, horrified. “You’re welcome to starve,” she said. “I don’t think you know where meat comes from.”

“Farms, somewhere?” he said, in a sort of joke.

She grinned. “Animals. Cute ittle fuzzy furry animals.”

“I don’t care that they’re cute. They’re not, even. They’re rodents.”

“And?”

“Rodents aren’t something you eat.”

“If you’re hungry enough you do,” she said. “I can’t believe how soft you are.”

“Stop saying that.”

“Then stop acting like it. Here.” She handed him a stick that was spearing one of the animals, skinned and roasted to a browned perfection. She bit into hers. “It’s good,” she said. 

He tried a bite, and she laughed at his face.

“The food at the palace is better, I admit,” she said. “But this is better than ration packs on Jakku, I can tell you that much.”

“What on earth is a ration pack?”

“What most of the galaxy eats. It’s a little bar of dehydrated food that comes in plastic, and then you add water, and then you have food.”

“That sounds convenient, actually.”

“Yeah well it doesn’t have any taste or smell, and not much in the way of nutrients. It just fills your belly so you can make it until the next day.”

He shrugged.

“How’s your rodent?”

“Not as bad as I’d thought, actually. Small.” He gave her grin a withering glare. “Don’t even say it,” he said. “I’m less soft than you think.”

She grinned. “I can’t help it.”

“I don’t know what you think Sith training is like,” he said, lazily leaning back against a fallen tree. “But I’d probably take ration packs over it any day. Let's just say it's designed so that everything in in life seems pleasant by comparison.”

“That’s different. You had a choice. You could have left any time.”

He eyed her, and she gazed back, waiting for his response. It took a long time for him to speak. “Is life always so simple for you, Scavenger? So black and white?”

“Shut up,” she sneered. 

He smiled, contented. “We should keep walking.”

*

The afternoon was a long, hot slog. The dappled shadows of sunlight still danced, but their movement seemed more aggressive, somehow. The silence between them gnawed at her, but she was too tired to fight. Not so much a physical exhaustion, but a mental, emotional one. The debate over ration packs gnawed at her: both that he’d been so stubborn about accepting the fact that ration packs were an awful way to live, and the way he’d bragged about how difficult Sith training was. It was this whole part of him that she didn’t know anything about, and it was such an important part. She’d seen his childhood, she’d seen his current life, but there was this space in the middle that made him who he was.

Another thought was dawning on her. “Your Knights,” she said. “Are they okay?”

He shook his head, no.

Her heart fell. They’d all been there, in the house. “All of them?”

“No,” he said. “Rivka is back on Coruscant. She’s alive, but I don’t know more than that. I can feel something from Ara and Caballero. Otherwise, no.”

“I’m so sorry,” Rey said.

“Me too.”

“They weren’t like I expected,” she said, cautiously. “They were so nice.”

He snorted. “They were nice to you. If you’d seen them in battle, I don’t think you’d be saying that.”

“Really?”

“Gaskin’s nickname was Babykiller. And I had to talk to Ara about his raping habit.”

“Gross.”

“So many child support claims. Then we’d have to send Gaskin out, and—“

“Oh my God,” Rey said, horrified.

“Yeah, so they were nice to you.”

"Hux still shouldn't have done it."

"No," Kylo agreed.

*

They arrived at an abandoned warehouse in an old industrial district outside the picturesque city of Gothra almost at dusk, and the look Rey gave Kylo when he suggested that maybe she change her hair a little would have sent him into fits of convulsive laughter if he hadn’t been so nervous. The holos with her face were everywhere, and it was really only a matter of time before she found out about them. He figured she wouldn’t be amenable to a full veil (plus, where would they get one?), but maybe if she changed her hair, she would look just different enough that nobody would notice in the evening light.

“Look,” he said. “This place is crawling with people from Coruscant at this time of year. It’s where everyone goes to holiday. You’ve been to all these parties, been wandering around Coruscant. I just don’t want anyone to recognize you.”

“You’re a paranoid man,” she said, rolling her eyes. But she took down her hair, and let him push it forward so it hung in her face. “I can’t see,” she said.

“It looks nice,” he said. “Really pretty like that. You should wear it like that more often."

She glared at him. 

"Remember, don’t stick out. Just get us some dinner, and see if you hear anything about an attack.”

“Stop fussing,” she said, annoyed.

“Just don’t do anything stupid,” he said.

“I won’t,” she snapped.

“And if you need anything, or get into any trouble, get angry.”

“Oh I already am.”

“I know,” he smiled. “It’s my reliable constant, remember?” That sure didn’t calm her down, and she headed in the direction of the city’s gates. He sat on the floor of the abandoned shed they’d agreed to meet back at, looking at the shambles of the shack and thinking about the shambles of his life.

* * *

He could feel her approaching, and his empty stomach sank. She was still a long ways off, but power was just radiating off her, and he was surprised that she wasn’t mowing down trees with her rage. It rang in his ears by the time he could hear her footsteps, and she barged into the shed, throwing a pile of bags and papers down on the floor as she started towards him in a tackle, her hands raised and literally going for his throat. “You bastard!” she shrieked.

There wasn’t much of anyplace to back up to, so he just tried to fend her off, but Force she had power when she was angry. Her hands were on his wrists, and she had him pushed up against the wall, screaming obscenities at him, and she brought her knee up to kick him in the groin. He bent over in pain, and she released one hand to punch him across the face. That was his chance, and he grabbed her wrist, and turned it around so that she had no choice but to follow. Now he pinned her against his chest, his arm right under her neck, his other hand holding her wrists behind her back.

“Let go of me, you kriffing bastard!”

“Only when you calm down. You’re going to burn this place down.”

“If you’re still in it, _good_!”

“Calm down,” he said, his voice low and calm. “I’ll let you go when you calm down.”

She hated how he was using the force to calm her down, and she hated how nice it felt. She tried to fight it with her anger, but the anger was growing weak and translucent, thanks to his efforts. It took another few moments, but she finally stopped struggling and sighed and said “Will you tell me what’s going on?”

“If I let you go, will you stop trying to hurt me?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “It really depends on what you tell me happened.”

“No,” he said. “I want a promise.”

“I won’t,” she said. “I hate you.”

“Did you bring food?”

“No,” she snarled. “I ate it all.”

He let go of her, and sank on the floor, his back leaning against the wall and his knees at his chin. She stumbled forwards, and turned look down at him. She wasn’t sure how to react to his despondency: she wasn’t expecting it at all. She huffed, and sat down abruptly, glaring at him as best she could. But then she sighed, and reached over for one of the bags she’d brought and threw it at him. It hit him in the chest, not as hard as it could have, and he looked at it, surprised. Slowly, silently, he opened it and regarded the meat pie. “Street food,” he remarked. “Huh.”

She rolled her eyes, resisting every impulse to grab it back from the ungrateful bastard. What the hell did he think she would be ~~buying~~ stealing at a market?

He was eating it, carefully, and she watched him. He ate ravenously at first, and she tossed him another pie: this one landed gently in his lap.

She snarled at him, pushing forward the pile of papers. He looked at them, curious.

“Never took you for much of a tabloid reader,” he remarked.

“I hope you choke,” she said. 

He took another bite, and chewed, slowly.

“Why is my face on them?” she asked.

“It was Hux’s idea,” he said.

“God, you are so stupid,” she said. “You really think Hux was going to let the two strongest Force users in the galaxy actually get into a relationship?”

He eyed her.

“I mean, I’m mad about all of it,” she said. “But that’s the part—I mean, what the hell, Ben? How could you be so stupid?”

“What do they say?”

“I don’t know,” Rey said, arms crossed, looking furiously at the wall. “I haven’t read them.”

He was paging through one.

“What do they say?” she asked. She was trying to control her anger, which amused him.

“We’re a dashing couple,” he said. “I don’t know. You deserted the Resistance, came over to us, we’re practically married. You can read it all yourself.”

“I don’t want to,” Rey said, petulantly.

“Well it’s over now anyway. They think we’re dead. We were supposed to be in the dining room, and I assume they made a direct hit.”

“So stupid,” she said, and he was fairly certain it was an accusation.

“It’s late,” he said. “I need to sleep. We had a long day. Thank you for the food.”

She pulled some blankets out of the bag. “I am not sleeping with your stupid cape tonight,” she snaps.

He shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

She’d taken the two blankets before she saw the holos and the covers. One was supposed to be for each of them, but now she spread one out, and another on top of it, and she curled up in the little bed she’s made.

“You’re cold,” he said.

“No I’m quite warm, thank you.”

She knew what he meant, and they both knew it. “Leaving me over here to freeze.”

She pretended to be asleep, breathing heavily: almost a snore.

He spread out his cape, and lay down on the other side of the hut. His stomach was full, and he had no real complaints. She was angry, but he’d known she’d find out eventually, and all things considered it had gone pretty well. She hadn’t killed him. And tomorrow they would figure out how to get off Naboo, and he would figure out what to do from there. He lay there, feeling lulled to sleep by the waves of anger coming off her. It felt like watery winter sunshine on a cold day, seeping into his skin, filling it with warmth. There was something else, too, crawling around inside his head. Subtle, but there.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she quickly replied, sounding a little guilty.

“What are you looking for?” he kept his voice soft.

“I don’t know. Anything. Stay out of my head.”

“You were just trying to get into mine.”

“And you didn’t let me.”

“What are you looking for?” he asked again.

“Nothing. Go to sleep. I’m tired.”

They lay in silence, but now that her anger had abated a little, it was harder for him to relax. Now it was something else, something he couldn’t quite place. Sadness?

Finally, a long time later, she asked “What do you want from me? Do you even know?”

“Food, mostly.”

He wasn’t sure how that would go over, but he heard her snort in the darkness. “You’re impossible.”

He smiled, pleased that he had made her laugh. And pleased that he’d evaded the question. “It’s colder tonight,” he said.

“Too bad too sad,” she said.

“There’s more of that Lightsider Jedi charitable behavior I know and love.”

“I don’t owe you anything,” she huffed.

It was too perfect an opening to ignore. “Not that I’m counting, but only your life, your time as my guest, your training with my Knights, getting you out of there last night…”

“Oh kriff off,” she said, but he heard movement and a moment later a blanket hit him in the face.

He laughed, despite himself, and it came out as a deep chuckle. He was afraid of what she was going to throw at him next.

“I regret that decision,” she huffed. “Now I’m cold.”

“Then we’ll share.”

“No thank you.”

“Your loss,” he said. He already heard movement, and a moment later felt her slide next to him, and bursts of wind as she lay the blanket over them.

“Just no more funny business,” she grumped.

“It wasn’t on purpose,” he said. “It just happens.”

“Whatever.”

He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in to him, and she grunted. She could push him away: she would any moment, he knew, but he would take what he could get while he could get it. Her hair smelled like campfire, left over from lunch that day, and he breathed it in, his eyes closed. It took a moment to realize that she wasn’t resisting: instead, she lay dead still and rigid, not a muscle moving.

Her voice was low and slow and, if not angry, definitely not happy. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to sleep. Hush.”

“Are you sniffing me?”

He weighed his answer. No was a lie, yes was, perhaps, weird. “You smell like smoke,” he said, by way of explanation.

“You smell like someone who hasn’t taken a shower today,” she muttered.

“You love it,” he goaded, and that was going too far. She was quiet, for a while.

“What do you want from me?” she asked again.

“I want for you to go back to the throne room and to take my hand,” he said, quietly.

She didn’t say anything, but he noticed that she relaxed a little: Just a tiny, nearly imperceptible amount, but it was there. “But why?”

He tried to respond with a joke. “Because Hux doesn’t want the two most powerful—“

Her tone quickened, grew a little louder, but was still gentle. “There is nobody I want to talk about less right now than Hux.”

“Thinking about him seemed a good way to prevent any… funny business.”

She wriggled out of his grasp now, and he let her go without any pressure. She sat up, and he could make out her backlit outline in front of the shack’s window. “What game are you playing, Ben?”

“I could ask you. You all but turned yourself over to me. I found you, sitting on an ancient altar of the Jedi, without any weapons: you literally presented yourself as a sacrifice to me. You’ve been living it up on Coruscant, making friends with my Knights, flirting with my officers, trying to make me jealous. You fell right into Hux’s trap too, I might add. What game are you playing at?”

“I missed you.” Her voice was quiet. “I missed what we had.”

He put his hand up, and ran in down the side of her head, brushing her soft hair.

“I can’t explain it,” she said. “It’s not really like we really had anything. Just… talking. And fighting.”

“We had something,” he said, quietly. “We have something.”

She put her hand up to meet his, still on her hair, and twined her fingers through his. Her hand was warm and soft. “What?” she asked, her voice so soft that he could barely hear her.

“Light rises to meet dark. Dark falls to meet light. Maybe they meet in the middle. Maybe we’re the middle.”

“But what does that mean?”

“It means that I haven’t thanked you for dinner.”

“What?” Same word, different emotion. She was confused now.

His voice was low, calm, quiet. “Can I kiss you?”

In answer, she leaned down, and her lips met his, tentatively. His lips were warm and soft, gentle and sweet. He held her head, and felt her hands on his shoulders. His hands ran down her neck and back, pulling her to him, until she was lying on top of him, and then her mouth opened and he entered it. It wasn’t like last time. It was soft and gentle, serene. She pulled away, rolling off of him, and lay next to him, her head resting on his arm.

“Funny that maybe Hux was right about us,” she said.

“Hilarious. I thought you didn’t want to talk about him.”

“I only kissed him to make you jealous.”

“I know.”

“You’re kind of hot when you’re jealous.”

“Oh, you liked that?”

“I mean,” she started, rolling her eyes, not even sure where she was heading with this. He rolled over so that he was leaning over her, and kissed her again, brutally, aggressively. 

She gasped as his mouth left hers, and nibbled down her jaw, towards her neck, pulling her skin through his lips, biting and twisting. Her head rolled back, her body twisted under his, she moaned out his name, a plea for something, she didn’t know what. He was at her throat now, and he worked his way around to the other side of her neck. Her head rolled over, allowing him access, her hands knotted in his hair, and she wasn’t sure if she was pulling him towards her or pushing him away. She gasped as he bit her ear, and then worked his way back to her mouth. She fought back this time, making him pay for the biting and nipping.

He pulled his head up, looking down at her in the moonlight, at her bright eyes staring up at him. She was breathing heavily and quickly: little gasps that made him hungry for more of her body. He was breathing heavily too, he realized, their bodies in unison. 

Of course their bodies were in unison, that’s what their bodies did. That’s how they worked, the two of them. Two imperfect parts of a perfect whole. Light and Dark, combining to build everything in the universe. Everything in the universe, contained in one kiss.

He cupped her cheek, and her hands went up to his face, feeling the rough stubble of two days without shaving. “What do you want?” he murmured.

“What?” she asked, only half-listening, and startled to have to answer something.

“What do you want?”

“I don’t know.”

His mouth was inching down her sternum now, peppering soft kisses. “I want you to tell me.”

“I don’t know,” she said, again. It was almost a whimper, and he stopped, and looked up at her. “What do you want?” she asked.

“I want you,” he said. “All of you. By my side, in my bed, hell, in my head. I want all of you. But you need to tell me what you want. I want to hear you say it.”

“I don’t know,” she said, and this time it sounded like she was being strangled. She pushed him away, and he fell back. “I don’t know,” she said again. He could feel her sorrow, feel the tears falling down her face. He looked at her, wishing he could see her face, see those wide eyes that told him everything, in the dark. The silenced stretched, and then he did the only thing he could think to do: he put his arms around her, laying her down on his cape, and tucking the blankets over their shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I meant to have some smut in this story, I really did. I love some good smut. But somehow the story just moved slower than I thought it would. I'm only about halfway through my outline, and nearly at the end of the 15 lines of the poem that make up the chapter titles. So I've decided to wrap up this story at 15 chapters, and then do a sequel. And THAT one will have some real smut, I promise.


	13. Chapter 13 - The snow is beautiful on the ground

****

** Chapter 13: The snow is beautiful on the ground **

He felt them approaching, and his eyes blazed open, hunting. The hut was in darkness, except for a shadow of moonlight that fell in the middle of the floor. He could hear Rey breathing quietly, and knew that she was awake, too. She still had her back pressed into the curve of his torso, and his hand lay splayed over her stomach in some sort of protective embrace. Silently, he called his lightsaber into his hand, the back of the lightsaber hilt pressing against her chest, ready to launch at anyone who might approach.

“Kriff off,” she breathed, almost imperceptibly, but neither of them moved. They listened as the leaves crunch louder, as the intruders approached.

There were all sorts of explanations, Kylo thought. It could be some kids looking for a place to host a party. He’d looked around the area while Rey had been in town, and had seen signs of bonfires, and piles of glass bottles. Clearly the young people of Naboo knew of this hidden spot. It could be someone out for an evening walk. It could be another lost traveler, who had failed to get to town before nightfall. It wasn’t even obviously a human: it could be all manner of animals, but sentient and not. There were lots of things that it could be.

The mystery guests had arrived, in the compound. The leaves stopped crunching, and he could hear faint voices. He pulled Rey closer, wishing that he could see better. She stiffened, and he didn’t force it. Force knew she could protect herself. 

The voices were arguing, and he could only catch faint words, meaningless without context, “she… best option… know… when… he is… don’t know.” All he knew was that they weren’t Stormtroopers, whose masks made it impossible to whisper.

Suddenly, Rey let out a loud whoop, and it startled Kylo so much that he nearly engaged his lightsaber. She struggled out of his arms, and the people outside began moving again, faster, and he hissed “What are you doing?” as she broke free. 

“Peanut!” he heard a male voice hiss, and then he understood. She barreled out of the hut’s door, into the arms of someone large, and in the moonlight he could see her jump into his arms. He swung her around, and they were both laughing and talking excitedly. Kylo felt his stomach bottom out, but he stayed in the shadows. He rolled to his back and stared into the dark rafters of the ceiling, rather than watching her happy reunion with her boyfriend.

There were a few other figures there, also happy to see Rey, and she was happy to see them, and they all spoke together, happy to see eachother, asking if the others were all right. “How’s Leia?” he heard Rey ask, and a woman’s voice said “She’s fine, she’s the only one not worried to death about you.”

“She is, she just doesn’t want to show it,” a man’s voice said.

“Where’s your ship, when can we leave?” Rey asked.

“We can head back there now,” the man’s voice said. “It’s about a twenty minute walk. We didn’t want to land too close to the city, you know.”

“Let me grab my bag,” Rey said. “You guys stay out here.”

She ducked back in, and he watched her backlit shadow creep back over to him and kneel by his side. “Hey,” she said, softly. “Come meet my friends.”

He turned to look at her face. It was backlit, and he couldn’t make out her features. “I can’t,” he said.

“Do you have another choice? Like, what's your alternate plan?”

“Stay here. It’s my grandmother’s home planet, I’ll find someone sympathetic.”

“That’s a terrible plan,” she said.

“Going with them is an even worse plan.”

“Why?” she asked, softly.

There were so many reasons that he didn’t even know how to put them into words. He couldn’t even make a list in his head. “I won’t be a prisoner of the Resistance,” he said.

“You wouldn’t have to be.”

His voice was low and sarcastic. “Really? How do you figure?”

“You can be my guest,” she said. “Like I was yours.”

“I’m impressed that you wield that kind of power,” he snarked.

“Your mother does.”

“Yes, well, that’s another reason why it’s a terrible idea.”

“Come home,” she said.

“It’s not my home.”

“Come with me.”

“Manipulative.”

“Look, we’ll figure something out. Drop you off someplace sympathetic, and I’ll memory wipe everyone so they don’t even remember you were there. I don’t know. But—“

“You’d memory wipe your friends?”

“—you can’t stay here.” She spoke her last sentence through gritted teeth. 

“What do you want?”

“You to stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

He sighed. She left. They were still outside, talking. He remained silent, alone, plotting out his next steps. He had the blankets now: he could fashion himself some sort of cape. Put some sort of memory trick about him, as a disguise. He had distant family somewhere on the planet: he’d heard his mother talk of some sort of aunt, had once been dragged to an extremely awkward cousin reunion as a child. He’d always been dragged places as a child, to see people he didn’t want to see. At least now that he was the deposed and abandoned Supreme Leader he’d never have to see anyone again. He could just live out his life in this little hut, maybe.  
She was back in the hut, this time with a lantern. “There he is,” she said.

“What the fu—“ he started saying, and then he blacked out.

*

“I can’t believe how much he weighs,” Finn grumbled. “Can’t you do some Jedi thing to make him weigh less?”

“I guess,” Rey said. She'd been so distracted she hadn't even really thought of that.

“When’s he going to wake up again?” Vanna asked, nervously.

“I don’t know,” Rey said. “I’ll just put him out again.”

“Were you going to make him lighter, or…” Finn trailed off.

“Oh, sorry. I was distracted. Put him down.”

Finn grunted, and slung Kylo off his shoulder, dropping him gently on to his back. Rey screwed up her mouth, and raised her hand, and sure enough he drifted up, about three feet off the ground. Their small party continued through the woods.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” Kaydel Ko asked.

“I guess,” Rey said again. The fact was that, no, she wasn’t okay. Last night had been rough on her. Kylo had told her he’d wanted her. She had kissed him. And she’d lied to him. Every time he’d asked her what she wanted, her heart had sung out that she wanted him. But her mouth couldn’t form the words, and so she’d let him believe something else. She wasn’t quite sure what, but it was something else. They trudged on, and Rey refused to look directly at Kylo.

“The holos…” Finn started, trailing off as Kaydel Ko shushed him, and Vanna coughed, uncomfortably.

“Propaganda, made by Hux,” Rey said, shortly.

“Oh thank God,” Finn gasped. 

“I figured,” Kaydel Ko said. “At least, I hoped. I figured that if they actually had video of you two kissing or making out, they would have shown it.”

“So you guys aren’t, like, in some sort of relationship, right?” Vanna asked.

Rey mulled over the answer, but Finn asked “Guys, if you keep distracting her, I’m going to have to carry the prisoner again.” And Rey got to walk the rest of the way to the ship in silence.

*

Rey sat in the lounge of the ship, curled up on one of the armchairs. Kylo had been locked in a storage hold, and she hadn’t the energy to tell her friends that even the weakest Force user could have figured out how to unlock that one. Vanna, Finn, and Kaydel Ko were piloting them back to the resistance base, but she had ducked out to be alone with her thoughts.

The door slid open, and Kaydel Ko came in with a tray of food. “Two things,” she said, without even a greeting. “First of all, I think you’re going to be really pleased with how the Resistance has grown. You’re kind of a legend, so don’t let that go to your head. But most everyone is really nice. And secondly, you have hickeys all over your neck.”

“Oh,” Rey said, feeling her neck.

“I don’t know what you want to do about that, but you should probably do something before we get back to the base, unless you want to explain things to everyone.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey said, wanting to sink into the floor.

Kaydel Ko shrugged. “Do you want to explain anything to me?”

“Not really,” Rey said.

Kaydel Ko’s arms were crossed and her face was grim.

“It was cold,” Rey murmured. “We had just been bombed. I think we both thought we were going to die. It doesn’t really make sense.”

Kaydel Ko shrugged again. “It does, a little.”

“Have you told the General that he’s with us?”

“You asked us not to.”

Rey nodded. “I’d like to be the one to tell her, if that’s okay. Before anyone else knows. We’ll keep him on the ship while I tell Leia, in person, that he’s here. And then we’ll figure out what to do with him.”

“Will he stay on the ship?” Kaydel Ko asked, a dubious expression clearly written across her face.

“I’ll just make sure he does,” Rey said, wondering if she could truly do that. How awkward to be so evenly matched with someone, to know that everything could likely end with a stalemate. But she tried to make sure her tone sounded confident.

“Just cover the hickeys, okay? If only for the General’s sake. Nobody wants to see evidence of their wayward son’s sex life on their army’s hero.” And Kaydel Ko turned and walked away, back towards Finn in the cockpit.

Rey pulled her collar up, and started searching through the various supply closets for something that would do as a scarf. She found something that was probably a bandage, but she could probably get away with pretending a neck injury. She wrapped it around her neck and went up to the cockpit to talk to Finn and Vanna.

*

They landed about six hours later, on an icy planet. Rey had had enough icy planets for a lifetime already, but beggars can’t be choosers and all that. The shuttle door opened and Leia herself was there to greet them: Rey rushed into Leia’s outstretched arms, choking back tears she couldn’t even explain. “Welcome home,” Leia said.

“I brought him,” Rey said. “He’s locked in the cargo hold.”

“Oh,” Leia said, nodding her head gently. And then, more pronounced: “Oh.”

“We didn’t want to say over the transmitters.”

“Of course not.”

“He treated me well,” Rey said. “He did. I promised him the same. Please, is there any way we…” she trailed off.

“We what?” Leia asked, calmly. “We can not put him _directly_ in front of a firing squad?”

“Well, yeah,” Rey said. “Maybe even nicer than that. He… he was kind to me.”

Leia cocked an eyebrow, and changed the subject. “Did you hurt your neck?”

“In the explosion,” Rey said. “He walked right into a trap that was supposed to take us both out, but we’d gone for a walk. And then the First Order planes came and bombed—“ she remembered, suddenly, that it was Leia’s home.

“I saw the news,” Leia said, softly. “It was a lovely spot, but it’s more important that you’re safe.”

“And so we ran. And he didn’t want to come, but I knocked him out. Because they would have found him and killed him there, and it’s not fair, after he treated me so well. I couldn’t leave him just to die. Please, Leia.”

“Rey,” Leia sighed, massaging her temples. “Well, we at least have to get him off the ship. The likelihood of nobody seeing is slim.”

“We’ll do it at dinner,” Rey suggested. “Or maybe if there’s some sort of all-hands meeting?”

“I’m not disrupting the day and calling an all-hands meeting just for this.”

Rey’s mind was screaming _But he’s home, I brought him home, why don’t you care?_ but she recognized that the General was not entirely pleased, and growing less so. _It’s just pragmatism_ , Rey thought. _I should try to reflect some, too_.

“Just tell him to take the damn mask off,” Leia said. “Nobody will recognize him out of his uniform.”

“He doesn’t have even his mask,” Rey said. “Oh, okay. So he can just walk out, I guess.” It seemed rather like a letdown, that she wouldn’t have to spirit him out of the ship. “Where should he go? He might have intelligence, you know.”

“Then to the interrogation room,” Leia said, icily. “Isn’t that where he brought you, when he first found you? You want him treated the way he treated you, right?”

Rey wondered if that feeling in her chest was her heart breaking. Leia was being so cold about her son. “Not on Coruscant,” Rey said.

Leia sighed. “Is he secure?”

“Yes.”

“Then let’s go to my room and talk.”

*

Over tea, Rey told Leia everything. Well, not everything. She told Leia about how he’d hunted her through the forest, and she’d willingly gone with him. That he’d installed her in a beautiful apartment, and droids had escorted her on daily trips around the city, and to fancy dinners and parties every evening.

That was when Leia interrupted and said “So he was grooming you to be his consort, and you’re interpreting that as kindness?”

Rey blushed at how obvious and base it seemed when Leia laid it out like that. But there was more, she insisted. She’d trained with his Knights every day. She’d been hurt (she didn’t say who had done the hurting), and he took care of her, sending her away from Coruscant when she’d asked. And they’d been talking, away from the house, when the First Order strike happened, and then he’d grabbed her and started running, making sure she was safe.

Leia sighed. “I don’t want to make any promises,” she said. “But I’ll do my best to keep him safe. But I think that you need some distance. I don’t want you talking to or seeing him for a week.”

“What will he be doing until then?”

“I’ll find a room for him. He’ll be under guard. Nobody will know he’s there.”

*

When Kylo woke up, he seemed to be lying in some sort of closet. His eyes focused on the brightness coming from the doorway, blurry at first, and then two diminutive women came into view. He groaned, and turned his head away. This was some version of hell.

“Come,” Rey said. “Quickly.”

He stood up, slowly, his every joint aching. “Where are we?”

“That’s not a concern of yours at the moment,” his mother said. Her tone was firm, the way it had been when he was a little boy and she was telling him that she was busy and he needed to go play. “All that you need to know is that Rey has negotiated for you to be kept alive for now. But I’ll suggest that it was an extremely tenuous agreement, and I’m likely to go back on it at any moment.”

“Yes ma’am,” he said, with just the right touch of sarcasm.

“Come on,” Rey said.

They flanked him, and he noticed several other people trailing them. This was being done discretely. Interesting. They were in a base of some sort: it was old, but clean, and larger than he would have expected. He’d imagined the Resistance hanging out in fox holes, but should have known that his mother would never have put up with that. 

There were only a smattering of people around: either the Resistance hadn’t been growing at the rate that intelligence suggested, or this transfer was being done during some sort of skeleton staff crew. Probably some combination. They walked through the hangar, into a maze of brightly lit white hallways. There were no windows, and not very many doors. They went up three flights of stairs, and down more hallways, and finally through one that had the galactic symbol for medical care. A young man sat behind a desk, but stood to attention. “Good afternoon, General,” he said.

“At ease,” Leia said. “Please do not let anyone in or out until we’ve left.”

“Of course.” The man sat back down, and went back to his paperwork.

It was a large infirmary, and Ren wryly wondered if the Resistance was expecting many casualties. He tried to stop that line of thinking, now that he was their prisoner. At the end of several hallway turns, they came to a door that Rey opened. It was a sitting room of sorts, with another door on the other side of the small room. Rey opened that one too, and it was a bedroom.

“These will be your quarters for the next week, while you recuperate from your travels,” Leia said. “You will not come or go. You will not speak to anyone who does not speak to you. You will not try to contact the First Order. You will, in short, be a model patient and guest. Do you understand?”

He looked at Rey, who was giving him a slight smile, her large hazel eyes full of hope. It hurt him, right then, to see her hopeful eyes when he was fairly certain this was the end of the line for him. “Yes, Mother,” he said.

“Good.” Leia turned, and Rey followed her out of the room. Leia spoke with Finn and the other guard, a human named Bran, quietly for a few minutes, while Rey made sure the door was locked in the way that Leia had asked for: bound with the Light, nearly impossible for a Darksider to breach. “Rey,” Leia said. “You’ll have to bring him food. You’re the only one who can unseal the door, correct?”

“I think so,” Rey said.

“But otherwise, Rey is not allowed in here. Is that understood?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Finn and Bran replied. Rey felt embarrassed.

“I’ll let you know if I have any further instructions,” Leia said, turning to leave. Rey followed.

“Is it a good idea to leave Finn to guard him?”

“As good an idea as any other part of this,” Leia said, and Rey recoiled at her snappish tone.

“I couldn’t just leave him,” Rey started to explain.

“I think you need to go and rest too,” Leia said, stopping shortly to look at Rey with cold, hard eyes.. It wasn’t quite a snap, but Leia certainly seemed to have less patience than Rey had ever seen. Rey nodded meekly, and went to find her quarters.

*

She was sharing a bunk with Kaydel Ko, the biggest wet blanket of the Resistance.

That wasn’t charitable, Rey knew. Kaydel Ko was smart, and driven, and a good friend. She was also just a rule follower. She, like Poe, had been raised by Resistance fighters in relative comfort, loved and educated and taken of both physically and emotionally, and had never had to struggle through situations where the rules were designed so that she would fail. And so she liked rules, and believed in them. Rey had been secretly heartened to hear that Kaydel Ko been part of some sort of failed mutiny right before Crait: it was so unlike Kaydel Ko, and it added some mystery and excitement to her character. Then Rey had learned that the whole thing had been Poe’s idea, and her estimation of the Lieutenant plummeted again. Of _course_ she'd fallen for some scheme of his, and of course it had failed. But it seemed that the final outcome of whatever that had been about was that Kaydel Ko was going to stick to all rules, to the letter, every minute of every day, for the rest of her life.

Rey had only spent a few weeks total with the Resistance, but had always been treated as some sort of honorary high-ranking officer. She’d had her own room, even in tight spaces, been invited to strategy meetings, and Leia had shown her special attention. All that was over. Like everyone else on the base, she was given a schedule. Hers said:

0700 Wake, wash, dress  
0730 Breakfast  
0800 Training  
1145 Lunch  
1215 Training  
1830 Dinner  
1915 Meeting Band C  
2000 Training  
2200 Bed

Kaydel Ko’s schedule, which lay projected on the wall next to her bunk, on the other hand, was full of meetings, inspections, an after-dinner entertainment period, and reports. It changed every day, but Rey’s always stayed the same. 

“Do you know where I’m supposed to go for training?” Rey asked, on her first full day at the Resistance base.

And Kaydel Ko chirped “We have one of the larger bedrooms, so you can train in here. Leia thought it would be quiet enough for you to meditate here.”

Rey stared at her, figuring out her meaning. So she, the last Jedi, was supposed to stay in her room all day, leaving only for meals. This was their way of saying that she wasn’t technically a prisoner, she wasn’t really a guest, and they certainly weren’t going to trust her with anything.

*

Rey was surprised to see Finn at dinner, but he said that the guarding shifts were only 6 hours. “How is he?” she asked.

“I’m not supposed to talk about him with you,” Finn said, quietly. His eyes shifted around, as if looking to see who was listening. “Look, whatever’s going on isn’t any of my business, but Leia’s worried about you. Just lay low, okay?”

“Worried about me? My safety, or about me doing something?”

He opened his mouth to speak, and closed it again. Opened, closed. He looked like a fish, she thought, annoyed. “About you doing something,” he admitted. “They kind of hoped you were going to kill him. Not bring him back demanding that they treat him well.”

“I am trying to lay low already,” Rey said. She tried not to be annoyed by Finn’s well-meaning but patronizing advice, but it was hard.

“Look,” he said. “I’m worried about you. Not your safety, but, like, your emotions. Are you okay, peanut?”

No, she wasn’t okay. It had all gone so horribly wrong. She’d had more freedom and respect with the First Order, and that fact had been gnawing at her all day. “I’m fine,” she said. “Just acclimating back to normal life, I guess.”

He smiled. “Okay, good. And I’m glad you’re back, Rey. We missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she said, wondering at how easily the lie rolled off her tongue. 

“I was supposed to look for you here so we can bring him back some food. I’ll grab a tray. Wait here for me.”

She stood against the wall, watching the room. The Resistance had grown, astronomically. There had been about fifty people on the Millennial Falcon when they’d left Crait, and there were easily ten times that in this room. And this was only one of the dinner shifts. Finn came back with a tray piled with food, and they walked to the infirmary without much chatting. “Can I help you?” the young man sitting at the desk asked.

“Just bringing some food for the guards,” Finn said, and the man nodded. “Leia made him forget about the prisoner,” Finn whispered.

Rey unsealed the door, but Finn was the only one allowed in the room. She didn’t even get to see him, but she could feel him. He was okay. That was enough for her: he was okay. When Finn came out, she locked the door again, and Finn thanked her, and that was that. Rey wandered back to her room, humiliated.

*

The door opened, and Kylo stood up. It wasn’t a meal time, and he was on guard against whatever news would be coming for him. A trial, an execution. But it was Leia, looking regal as ever, if older. Much older. Kriff, when was the last time he’d seen her? One of her visits to the Academy, when he’d have to sit with her for a stiff lunch while she asked him polite questions and pretended to care. So long ago.

“Hello,” she said.

“Hello,” he blinked back.

“It’s been a long time,” she said.

He nodded.

“I think you’re taller.”

“Maybe you’re just shorter,” he retorted. That was them, their thing. She’d always said that on those visits, and one day he’d been annoyed and he accused her of being shorter. She’d laughed, and then he’d laughed, and after that they always said it.

She didn’t smile. She just watched him for a moment. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” he said. “How’s Rey?”

Again, she didn’t respond. She just watched him, her lips pursed.

“Can I see her?”

“I don’t think that would be wise.”

“God help me woman, if so much of a hair on her head is hurt, I’ll take this entire place down.”

Leia stiffened, and her mouth turned to a frown. “I don’t think you’re in a position—“

“Where is she?” he thundered.

“She’s fine,” Leia shouted back. 

He turned and paced away. Leia watched, trying to grasp what was going through her son’s head. It was closed off to her, of course, but surely there must be some hints. How could her son, the baby she used to rock in her arms, be such a stranger to her?

“How can you even think that we’d harm her? This is her home.”

Kylo spun around to look at her. “Is it? Then why did you drop her off, unarmed, unprotected, alone, for the First Order to find?”

“She wasn’t unarmed.”

“No lightsaber, only a couple broken blasters.”

“She was sent with the best weapons we had at the time. We had no other people to leave with her. Our numbers were at their smallest.”

“But they certainly grew once everyone in the galaxy knew she was on your side. And as soon as you got that information out there, you were happy enough to hand her over to us.”

“We did no such thing. Rey knows how to protect herself.”

“Not alone and unarmed, against the entire First Order military!”

“I’m done with this conversation.”

“You’re making her stand out there right now, aren’t you? You make her come to me 3 times a day, and don’t let her see me. I can feel her out there. She’s sad, alone, humiliated. Why are you doing this to us?”

“What ‘us’?” Leia yelled. “What is going on? Are you claiming that there is a… relationship? Because maybe that’s why she’s being treated as compromised. Has that occurred to you?”

He simply said “yes.” 

“I don’t know what’s happening, and I don’t want to. At best, she has a case of Stockholm syndrome. At worst, you two are working together. Either way, the only reason either of you are still here is because I haven’t ordered your trials yet.”

He shrugged, his arms perpendicular to his body, palms facing up. “Then do it.”

“Ben,” she said, her voice softer now.

“Either let us go, or have your trials,” he said. “This can’t continue.”

“I think you don’t know what you’re asking for,” she said.

“I’ll testify for her. She’s blameless here. The Resistance who delivered her to me is more at fault than she is. And then you can march me in front of firing squad, and we can end this the only decent way it can possibly end.”

“It was good to see you, Ben,” Leia said, slowly and carefully. “Take care of yourself. Let the guards know if you need anything.”

“You’re a coward,” he said.

She didn’t reply, walking through the door and away from her broody, angry, lost son. She watched as Rey sealed up the door again, silently, obediently. Rey hadn’t spoken more than a few words to her since she’d arrived with Kylo on her ship, but they had all been polite and respectful. She hadn’t asked to see Ben, or for news of him, and had merely done everything that was asked of her. Leia studied her, looked at her dead eyes that gazed everywhere but at Leia. It was more than sadness, humiliation, and being alone: it was a profound sort of defeat. “Do you need anything else?” Rey asked, after a moment of Leia’s silence.

“No, thank you,” Leia said, and Rey nodded and started for the door, holding it open for Leia. Leia sighed, and followed.


	14. Chapter 14 - And always the lights of heaven glow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose took a deep breath. “I mean, no. But I also know that you weren’t just there for fun. I mean, right? You were captured. And then, I guess…” she trailed off.
> 
> “You know what’s sick?” Rey asked, suddenly animated. Her eyes darted up to meet Rose's, and the dead look she'd had since her return from Coruscant was replaced with anger. It caught Rose off guard. “I’m in this situation because I was captured, and treated well. Yes, I went to the menagerie. I went to a concert, and to the park, and to parties every night. They gave me clothes, and I had a really lovely place to live. They treated me well. Kylo Ren, and nobody else, never even touched me.” _That’s not true_ , she thought, thinking of the kiss and the concussion. _But it’s almost true. True enough for my point._ “And so I asked the same treatment of our prisoner. And that’s why they hate me. If I was raped and tortured, I’d be a fucking hero right now. They want me to have been raped and tortured. Isn’t that sick?”
> 
> “Nobody wants that!” Rose said, horrified. “How can you even say that?”
> 
> “It’s true. That’s what this is about. They don’t trust me because I came back treated well.”

 

 

 

**Chapter 14: And always the lights of heaven glow**

Rose was more eaten up about Rey than she felt she had any right to be. She barely knew Rey. She hadn’t met Rey until after Crait, and had really only spent a few weeks hanging out with her, and she’d been recouperating from her injuries from Crait for most of that. But she had been dating Finn (was it really dating, if there were no dates, and really only mild fooling around? Kaydel Ko said it counted), and Rey was Finn’s friend, and so, by some sort of transitive law of relationships and friendships, Rey was also Rose’s friend. At the very least, Rose heard all about Finn’s problems with Rey, and felt that gave her some sort of moral impetus to help.

Finn felt bad for Rey. She’d been kidnapped by the First Order, and then brainwashed, and the Resistance was trying to figure out how to unbrainwash her. She’d been assigned meditation as her primary work, and Finn thought that it was akin to sending Rey to her room to think about what she’d done. Rey only came out of her rooms to eat meals, and Rose joined her whenever their schedules matched up, trying to be her friend, but Rey mostly just sat quietly. If this was brainwashing, it seemed terribly sad and lonely. Rey had a sort of dead, sad look in her eyes all the time. Finn said she was depressed, that she used to be so full of life and vitality and now she wandered around the halls like a sad ghost.

But other people talked about Rey, too, and they said things that were less kind. That she’d joined the First Order willingly. That he’d taken her as his mistress. That Rey was pregnant with Kylo Ren’s baby. That she was going to trial as a traitor. That she’d been a prostitute before (she was from Jakku, after all… what other industry was there on Jakku?) and Kylo Ren was just another job for her. That maybe she’d been working for him the whole time. She wasn’t exactly helpful at Crait, was she? Only showing up at the very end. Sure she could move some rocks, but a bulldozer could do that.

One night, about a week after Rey returned from Coruscant, Rey sat on the end of a table that held Rose and Finn and many of their friends. She ate quietly, and it was unclear if she could even hear the chatter around her. Rose wondered why she always sat with them, if she wasn’t going to interact, but at the same time she understood. Rey was still figuring out how to tether herself to reality. Everyone else at the table was talking about animals, and that turned to talking about vicious exotic animals that they’d always wished to own as children, and somehow this turned into two young men arguing about whether green artorians were herbivores or carnivores, and suddenly Rey said “They hunt small primates and rodents, but mostly eat bamboo.”

The entire table turned to look at her. She shrugged. “They had a whole exhibit of them at the menagerie on Coruscant. They’re adorable.”

“What’s a menagerie?” Finn asked.

“It had a lot of exotic animals. People can pay to go see them, I guess.”

Stormtrooper conditioning hadn't exactly encouraged an interest in animals: the two reactions to any non-sentient animal that Finn had been taught were either _kill on sight_ or _ignore_ He stared at Rey as though she'd just announced that she was actually the heiress of the Hutt dynasty. “You paid to go see animals?”

“I think I went as a guest.”

“As Kylo Ren’s girlfriend,” one of the men she didn’t know sneered. He said girlfriend, but he meant something else. Mistress, whore. The maybe-traitor who ran off to live the high life with the Supreme Leader of the First Order.

She looked down the table, at all the people she didn’t know, and saw no friendship. Fear, distrust, anger. It made her feel even more dead inside, that this was all she was to these people. A joke. A traitor. A whore. A joke of a traitorous whore who had come back alone, used, head hanging between her shoulders, defeated.

“She didn’t mean to be,” Rose snapped, and somehow that broke Rey’s heart. To think that someone still held her in high esteem, despite everything.

“No,” Rey said calmly, as she stood up with her tray. “I did.”

“Rey, come back,” Finn called as she walked away, calmly. “That was asshole behavior,” she heard him say, to the table. But she didn’t care.  
She put away her dishes and her tray, and gathered Kylo’s dinner, and walked back to Finn. “Can we do this? I’m tired, I’d like to go to bed.”

He jumped up. “Yeah, of course,” and they walked to the infirmary while Finn apologized for his friend.

“Please stop,” Rey said. “I know what they’re all saying about me.”

“It’s just, Rey. We don’t know what’s going on.”

She didn’t respond, and she waited until she got back to her room to cry.

_*_

Sometimes, tears can be cathartic. When a person has so many emotions, and the only way to get them out is via tear ducts and vocal chords, and a good, long sob is all they need to bring balance back to their body. It didn’t work like that for Rey now: she had no emotions left. Her tears were scarce and dry, her sobs no more than a few hiccups. She lay in bed feeling sorry for herself, wondering when this hell would end. When she could go back to feeling something, anything. She tried to work up a good, frothy anger, but felt nothing. She tried fear, sadness, hope, love. Nothing.

She was trying so hard that she barely heard the tap on her door. She was vaguely aware that it had been going on for a few minutes before she heard it clearly enough to say “Yes?”

The door opened, and Rose scooted in. “Hey,” she said.

Rey sat up, putting her knees up to her chin and crossing her ankles. “Hey.”

“Are you okay?”

“I guess,” Rey said. Which was part of the problem, wasn’t it? She was okay. Just okay. Not angry or sad or afraid. She just went through her day, being okay.

“What he said wasn’t okay.”

“But it was true.”

“He doesn’t know anything about it,” Rose insisted.

“Do you?”

Rose took a deep breath. “I mean, no. But I also know that you weren’t just there for fun. I mean, right? You were captured. And then, I guess…” she trailed off.

“You know what’s sick?” Rey asked, suddenly animated. Her eyes darted up to meet Rose's, and the dead look she'd had since her return from Coruscant was replaced with anger. It caught Rose off guard. “I’m in this situation because I was captured, and treated well. Yes, I went to the menagerie. I went to a concert, and to the park, and to parties every night. They gave me clothes, and I had a really lovely place to live. They treated me well. Kylo Ren, and nobody else, never even touched me.” _That’s not true_ , she thought, thinking of the kiss and the concussion. _But it’s almost true. True enough for my point._ “And so I asked the same treatment of our prisoner. And that’s why they hate me. If I was raped and tortured, I’d be a fucking hero right now. They want me to have been raped and tortured. Isn’t that sick?”

“Nobody wants that!” Rose said, horrified. “How can you even say that?”

“It’s true. That’s what this is about. They don’t trust me because I came back treated well.”

“So you didn’t, you know, like, sleep with him?”

Rey shook her head, no.

“It’s just… the holos…”

“They were faked,” Rey said. “Put together from a bunch of different things, to make it seem like I was saying and doing things that I didn’t do. I finally saw them on Naboo.”

“That’s what Finn said.”

“He’s not acting like he believes it now.”

“He’s going through some stuff,” Rose said, vaguely. Of course she would stick up for her boyfriend. “He’s one of his guards, and that’s, like, triggering a lot for him.”

“Can you ask Finn how he is? Finn said he’s not allowed to tell me about him. I just want to make sure they’re treating him well.”

“They are,” Rose said. “We talk about it, kind of a lot. Finn’s not sure how he feels about that. He doesn’t think Kylo Ren deserves to be treated so well.”

“I just,” Rey started, “I just didn’t think…” she trailed off. She didn’t want to explain again why she’d asked for the prisoner to be treated well.

“I mean,” Rose said, “you’re the only one who knows how to open the door. You’re there every time someone goes in or out. You would know if he wasn’t, Rey.”

That was true. Rey hadn’t thought too much about it. It was too hard to just stand on the other side of the door, she didn’t have the strength to think about anything beyond getting through those minutes while Finn or another one of his guards brought him food. Leia had been to see him once, but that had made him angry. She could feel his anger from the other side of the closed door. That was the most emotion she’d felt from him.

“Rey?” Rose said, quietly. “Did he really treat you well?”

“Yes,” Rey said.

“You promise?”

“Of course.”

“Okay,” she said. “Okay. I have to go. But I’ll be back, okay? I’ll be back soon.”

_*_

Rose came back only a few minutes later, with a red bundle. Rey recognized it, and recoiled.

“I’m not a Jedi,” Rose said. “But I went looking in the library, and in some of the books you had, and I think I managed to fix it.”

“Really?”

“Maybe.” She thrust the package at Rey, as though it were on fire.

Slowly, Rey unwrapped the bundle, and rolled out the heavy metal handle. She examined it, feeling for the Kyber crystal inside, and it seemed fairly stable. She turned it on, and the plasma shot out. Rey breathed in, feeling its warmth. Feeling a little more whole, a little more complete. She was spellbound. “It’s beautiful, Rose.”

“It is,” Rose agreed. “Did you make it?”

Rey shook her head. “It was Anakin Skywalker’s,” she said.

“Oh,” Rose said, feeling like she should know who that was.

“Before he became Darth Vader.”

“Oh,” Rose said again, her eyes fluttering even wider.

“It called to me. I don’t know why.” Rey smiled, looking down at it. “I know it’s crazy, but when I first had it, and I was flying with Han, I had this, I guess fantasy, that Han and Leia were my long lost parents, and it called to me over Kylo Ren because I was part of their family.”

“Oh,” Rose said again. “Are you?”

“No. I know it’s not true. It was just a silly thing. Han was kind to me. He would have been a good father to me.”

Rey said it without really thinking, and had to just let it hang there. Han had been killed by his own son: a symptom of parental failure if there ever was one. She and Rose sat awkwardly, letting their vague understanding of Ben and Han’s relationship float, unsaid.

“It suits you,” Rose said, softly.

“I don’t understand…” Rey said, still entranced. “How did you build this?”

“I just… I don’t know.”

“Maybe you do have more Force power than you give yourself credit for.”

“I, I know this sounds silly, but while I was building it I pretended to be you, and pretended what it would feel like if I had the Force like you do.” Rose was embarrassed by this admission, but Rey had aired her secret, and Rose thought they should be even.

“Thank you. Rose, thank you so much.”

“Okay,” Rose said, in a whisper. “I have it all planned out. You’re springing him. Tonight.”

“What?” Rey asked, taken aback. She closed the lightsaber up.

“Tonight’s the night. Tomorrow is the weekly leadership meeting, and they’re going to decide what to do with him. And they’re going to do it quickly. At least, Poe claims they are.”

“Poe’s an asshole.”

“No he’s not, not really. But he would know.”

“Where are we supposed to go? How are we supposed to get there?”

“There are escape pods,” she said. “Down at the bottom of the ship. I know the codes.”

“Won’t you get in trouble?” Rey asked.

“Only if they find out.”

“Rose,” Rey said. “Don’t do this. We’re not worth it.”

Rose’s eyes were wide and solemn. “Rey, I trust you. I believe you. I think they should be treating him better if you do.”

“But he should also be a prisoner,” Rey said. “I mean, he’s done terrible things.”

“Rey,” Rose said, but she stopped. Rey looked at her quizzically. “It’s just,” Rose started. “I mean, Leia’s strong in the force, too. Couldn’t she do the door seal thing that you do?”

“I don’t know,” Rey said.

“I think she wants you to let him go.”

“That’s crazy.”

“Maybe, maybe not. Can you meet me outside your door at 0100?”

“I can try,” Rey said.

Rose nodded, decisively. “Okay. I’ll see you then.”

_*_

In the end, it was all quite as easy as Rose had promised. Rey’s stomach was too knotted to sleep, so she lay in bed until the appointed time, and then went to meet Rose. There were guards at strategic locations, of course, but the base was mostly deserted, so they took a circuitous route to the infirmary. “Okay,” Rose said. “There’s going to be someone at the front desk, and then two guards.”

“Finn?”

“No, he's off tonight thank God.” Rose blushed a little. "I mean, it's just that... I don't think I'd want him to think that I..." she trailed off.

“I understand,” Rey said.

“You can, like, zap them, right? Make them forget, or something?”

“I’m not really supposed to,” Rey squirmed.

“Okay, but you have to do something.”

Rey nodded. They went into the infirmary, and a man, different from the man who was there in the daytime, sat at the desk, and Rose cocked an eyebrow at Rey, and Rey made him faint. Master Luke would not like this.

In through the next door, and there were two guards. One was the one who had called her Kylo’s girlfriend. “What are you doing he—“ he asked, and Rey waved her hand, and they were both out, too. She opened the door, and turned on the light: Kylo was fast asleep. She shook him, and he rolled over to look at her through sleepy eyes. “Rey?”

“Get up,” she whispered. She wasn't sure why she was whispering: nobody else was awake to hear them. “We have to leave.”

“What? Why?”

“Just get up,” she said, losing patience. Time is ticking.

He sat up, wiping the sleep from his eyes. “Who’s that?”

“My friend. She’s helping us escape. You’re going in front of the Leadership Council tomorrow.”

“Oh,” he said, lying back down.

“Get up,” she said, yanking the thin blanket off him. He didn’t move. “Get up, Kylo. Don’t you understand? You’re going in front of the Leadership Council tomorrow.”

“And then a firing squad the day after. I get it.”

She was speechless. “Get up,” she snapped.

“It’s for the best,” he said.

“What? I don’t… Ben Solo, I’m not letting you commit suicide,” she snapped.

“Why not?” he said. “What’s your plan? Where do you expect me to go, Rey? Be realistic. Is there anyplace in the galaxy that would welcome me? That I can hide? I’ll be the most wanted man in the galaxy, traveling alone, no friends, no money—“

“You won’t be alone, I’ll be there too. We’ll figure it out,” she snapped.

"What? Why?"

"Why what?" Rey snapped, despite knowing perfectly well. She was in no mood for his questions.

“Why are you coming?”

“Because I can’t stay here anymore.”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “Why? What did you do?”

“Just come, and I’ll tell you.”

He sighed, and sat up. He was shirtless. “I need to put on some clothes,” he said.

“Well hurry up,” Rey snapped.

“Seriously,” he said.

“Just wear whatever. We don’t have time. Your pajamas are fine. You can change later.”

“I don’t wear pajamas.”

Rose giggled as Rey turned red. “Fine, we’re turning around,” Rey said. But hurry up.” She could hear fumbling behind her, and a zipper, and then he grunted and was standing next to her.

“Do you need anything else?” Rose asked.

“I don’t have anything else,” he said, simply.

“Follow us,” Rey said, and they made their way through the halls, to the hangar. Everything was so quiet: quieter than Rey had ever heard the base. She kept her hand on her lightsaber, but that was some sort of reflex: there would be considerably more effective ways to deal with anyone they might come across. They came around the last corner to the hangars, and Rey’s stomach dropped. Because there was Poe, lazily leaning against a wall, shit-eating grin on his face. Kaydel Ko stood next to him, looking terrified, holding a blaster.

Rey and Ben stopped, and Rose ran right into Rey’s back, bouncing back a little. “Shit,” said Rose. It seemed like such an un-Rose thing to say that Rey almost smiled. And then she did smile, dripping with sweetness.

“Well if it isn’t Potatamus Dameron,” Kylo said. “Hey Kayzie.”

“Hi Ben,” Kaydel Ko said, pink blooming across her cheeks. “Long time no see.” Poe gave her a look that could have frozen water on Jakku.

“Potatamus?” Rose repeated, quietly. “And Kayzie. Okay.”

“Get out of the way, Poe,” Rey said, while Rose was monologuing herself.

“You know it’s my duty to shoot you on sight,” Poe (Potatamus?) smirked.

“You can try,” she shrugged.

His hand reached across his chest for his blaster, and Rey felt Kylo tense up next to her. “You have no authority over us,” Rey said. “We’re not part of the Resistance, and we’re not officially prisoners. Now get out of the way.”

“Don’t move,” Kaydel Ko said, nudging the blaster up, to remind them that she was holding it. As though Rey had forgotten.

“What’s your plan here?” Poe asked. “You’re just going to take one of our ships and disappear? Back to the First Order? You’ve just been biding your time under our protection, and now you’re ready to—“

“Do you ever shut up?” Kylo asked, suddenly. Poe stopped and stared at him. Rey felt her mouth twitch.

But Poe narrowed his eyes. “Watch your mouth, asshole. I’ve already made the call, and any minute now our troops are going to come escort you straight to the execution room. You have two—“

“There’s an execution room?” Rey asked.

Poe turned and glared at her. “Pretty sure you’ll be seeing the inside of it soon, although I’ll put in a good word for you when the Council decides your fate, sweetheart.”

“Is this because I wouldn’t kiss you?” Rey asked.

“It’s because you’re helping a high risk prisoner escape,” Poe said, primly. “Oh, here they are.”

There were troops now walking down the hallways towards them, let by Leia. She looked grim. The five young people stood silently until Leia and her band of 6 fighters stopped beside them. “Poe and Kaydel Ko, thank you for the warning. You’re dismissed. Return to your quarters.”

“But—“ Poe started, but Leia repeated her order, and he nodded curtly and squeezed past them in the narrow hall. “I’ll see you two in hell,” he murmured as he walked past them, and it took all of Rey’s self-control not to punch him.

“Hi Ben,” Kaydel Ko said quietly. “You’re looking well.”

"See you around, Kayzie," he smirked.

Rey fought to keep her mouth from dropping open. Was she flirting with Kylo Ren? This was adding yet another layer to the enigma that was Kaydel Ko. And he was fucking flirting back. The absolute _asshole_.

“You three,” Leia said. “In there.” She pointed at a door. “Go in, and wait for me. I’ll be right in.”

Rey looked between the door that Leia had indicated and the door to the hangar, and calculated her chances. But Kylo was already opening the door that Leia had chosen, and so she followed, Rose so close behind her that she stepped on Rey’s ankle. It was a small conference room, with a large table and about twelve chairs. Rose sat in one, her knees curled up to her chin. Rey went and put her hand on Rose’s shoulder, in some sort of awkward attempt at comfort. Kylo stood against the wall, looking dour.

“It seems kind of poignant,” Rose said, after a few moments of silence, “that I survived the Hays Consortium, and the First Order, but it’s the Resistance that’s going to kill me.”

“They’re not going to kill you,” Kylo said. “They’re not going to kill any of us.”

“You don’t understand,” Rose said. “This is the second time I’ve screwed up.”

“Poe would kill us,” Rey replied, hugging Rose harder.

“Poe’s a tool,” Kylo said, and this time Rose didn’t contradict that assessment.

“He’s a creep,” Rey said. “He tried to pull some we’re so lonely, let’s be lonely together on Gledhill, and has been an asshole ever since I shot him down.”

“Lord help us all,” Kylo said. “He’s the Ara of the Resistance.”

Rey smirked, “I always thought more that Ara is the Poe of the First Order.”

“Is his name really Potonomous?” Rey asked. “That’s a hilariously awful name.”

“How did you know them?” Rose asked, suddenly. She was only starting to get used to the idea of him as a real, live person. But her curiosity was killing her.

Kylo looked at her as though he’d forgotten she was in the room. “We grew up together,” he said. “Kayzie’s older brother was Dameron’s and my age.”

“ _Kayzie_?” Rey snapped. Kylo shrugged. She was about to ask for a little more information about their _history_ when the door slid open, and in marched Leia, as regal as ever. Rey looked down at her hands. Ever since she’d returned from Coruscant and Naboo, she’d been unable to stand the iciness from Leia.

But Leia’s voice was calm and quiet as she walked around to sit opposite from Rose and Rey. Rey could barely breathe. Leia looked at her son, leaning lazily against the wall. “What’s your plan?”

“Ask them,” he said, smirking. “It was their plan. I already told you I’m resigned to my fate.”

She studied him for a moment more, her mouth pressed in a thin line, and then she turned to look at the two women setting at the table. “Rey, Rose?”

Rey opened her mouth, feeling terrible that Rose had sacrificed her safety and her position for this, but before she could say anything, Rose spoke. “What’s the point of a Jedi who’s too sad to do anything Jedi-ish?” Her words were quick, blurted out in a single breath, and her cheeks flushed.

“Excuse me?” Leia said, looking as surprised as Rey felt.

Rose’s voice got firmer as she went along. “She was treated well by the First Order, and everyone here blames her for that, and it’s not fair, and she doesn’t deserve that, and we don’t deserve her.”

“That’s enough,” Leia said.

“Well it’s true,” Rose muttered.

“Rey?” Leia asked. “What do you have to say for yourself?”  
_I don’t know_ , Rey wanted to say. _I just wanted to sleep, and Rose said I had to rescue your son, who is kind of an asshole_. “I think I can be of better use to the Resistance somewhere else,” she mumbled. “I still feel like I need to finish my training.”

“And Luke can’t help?”

Rey still couldn’t make eye contact. “He doesn’t seem interested,” she said, trying, and failing, to speak above a whisper.

Leia surveyed the three faces, resting on Rey last and longest. She turned to her son. “I’ll let you go, but Rey needs to stay.”

Kylo smiled, as though he found his mother adorable. “Isn’t that up to her?”

“No.”

He raised a single eyebrow. “I don’t think she wants to stay here, and I don’t blame her.” The shock of the conversation was wearing off, and Rey grasped that they were talking about her.

“We are not talking about this again,” Leia said, through gritted teeth.

“We didn’t talk much about it the first time.”

“We need her, and we can protect her, and Luke—“

Kylo interrupted his mother. “How, exactly, are you going to keep her here against her will?”

“Against her will?” Leia asked, looking at Rey. Rey felt guilt creep up her spine, and looked away from Leia’s concerned eyes.

“This is exactly what I warned you about. You treated her like trash, and you think she still has loyalty to you?”

“How dare you,” Leia said, speaking over her son. “Like trash? How dare you make that claim. After everything—“

“After you blamed her for bringing me back, for not killing me right away. And I don’t know what you’ve been doing to her, pumping into her, but it’s not—“

“That’s enough,” Leia snapped.

“Stop talking about me like I’m not here,” Rey snapped. “I’m still loyal to the Resistance,” she added, directed at Ben.

“But you had a home in the First Order,” he replied, softly.

Rey felt her insides twisting: guilt, maybe? She pushed it down and tried to remain calm. “I was never really more than a prisoner there,” she muttered. She was still loyal to the Resistance: of course she was.

“And you’re the guest of honor here?” he drawled.

“That’s enough,” Leia said again, but this time she sounded tired. “Rey, I apologize if you’ve been unhappy here. I know that conditions haven’t been ideal. I apologize.”

Rey shrugged, examining her fingernails.

“Are you coming with me, or staying?” Kylo asked, and she looked up at him.

“Ben,” Leia said, and he turned to look at her. They glared at eachother, and the Force fell heavy in the room. Rey and Rose exchanged looks. “Are they talking to each other in their heads?” Rose whispered, and Rey nodded. If either Kylo or Leia heard them, they didn’t move a muscle.

“Fine,” Leia said, with a sigh. “Rey, we don’t have very much time for you to make your decision.”

Rey couldn’t look Leia in the eye. She played with her finger, pushing down a cuticle like it was the most important thing in her life. That was all the answer anyone needed.

Leia’s face remained stoically calm. “Where are you going?”

Kylo’s voice was quiet and calm. “I don’t know. And if I did, I wouldn’t tell you.”

She nodded. “That’s fair.”

“What’s the best way out of here?”

“The hangar,” she said. “Rose is staying here, right?”

“Yes please,” Rose said, standing up. “If that’s okay.” Rey stood up too, and they hugged.

“Of course it’s okay,” Leia said, softly.

“Will I be court marshalled?” Rose asked, timidly. “I just couldn’t… Rey’s my friend, and I couldn’t watch her be treated like that.”

“I’m sorry, Rey,” Leia said. This time, her apology was softer, gentler. “I’m sorry for the way you’ve been treated. It wasn’t fair. I’m sorry that it will get worse after you leave with him. I wish I could prevent that. But so long as there’s breath in my body, you are welcome here.”

“Thank you,” Rey said, quietly. But she couldn’t look at Leia.

Leia went to a safe in the wall, and punched it open with a code. She returned with a box, and handed it to Kylo. “Here,” she said.

“Thank you,” he replied.

“Use it wisely.”

“Thank you,” he said again, with a slight bow.

“Ben?”

He just looked at her.

“I love you,” she said. Her voice was soft, her eyes were soft.

“I know,” he smiled. She smiled back. And then he nodded. “Should I do it now?”

Leia’s eyes were misty. “Yes.”

“Sit down, both of you,” Ben said. “I don’t want you to fall.”

“What’s happening?” Rey asked, as Ben swiped his hand at Leia and she slumped forwards. Rose screamed, and then he turned and swiped his hand at her, and she fell too. Now it was Rey’s turn to scream, as she stared in horror at the slumped bodies of her friends. “What are you doing? Did you kill them?”

“Of course not. We need to look like we escaped. Now hurry up, they’ll only last for a few minutes.” He opened the door, his hand over the sensor to give her time to go through.

“I am not okay with this,” Rey scolded.

“You did it to my guards. I’m doing it to yours,” he replied with a shrug. And they were in the hangar, and he walked quickly around the edge of the room, Rey scurrying to keep up with his long legs.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“We’ll worry about that once we’re out of here.”

**Author's Note:**

> The title and chapter titles are from the poem "The Snow is Deep on the Ground," by Kenneth Patchen. 
> 
> https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46339/the-snow-is-deep-on-the-ground


End file.
